A tale of two single parents
by Julimay
Summary: To say Kate Beckett was surprised when she walked into the bullpen would have been the understatement of the year. She had to be dreaming. Because there was no way her daughter was sitting in the lap of her favorite author with another little girl, listening to him reading a children's book. An AU entry for Castle Winter Ficathon 2019
1. Chapter 1

_This story is AU. _

_Let's pretend that Castle and Beckett are about the same age. _

O-o-o-o-o

The first thing Rick Castle heard when he opened the door to the loft was his little girl softly crying upstairs in her room. It was way past midnight and Rick was sure that if Alexis had woken up crying in the middle of the night Meredith would never notice. She was a heavy sleeper and on top of that she just lacked the sensitivity of a mother to always know when your child was upset. Rick ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He rushed to take his shoes off and hurried to get up the stairs to Alexis' room.

When he quietly opened her door his heart broke at the sight of his baby girl sitting in the middle of her big bed with a tear-stained face, her eyes puffy and red from crying. She looked like she had cried for hours. Rick pressed his lips together.

He wouldn't get angry at Meredith. He wouldn't. But it was so damn hard. He tried not to blame his wife. He had known from the moment she told him about the pregnancy that she wouldn't be the best of mothers but he had hoped that she would try harder. She loved Alexis, he knew she did but she just wasn't into caring for her. For the last four years Rick had done nearly everything to do with raising their daughter alone aside from occasionally going shopping together or showing Alexis off at an event. It had always been him who took care of the daily things.

Knowing that Meredith wasn't the mother-y type didn't stop him from feeling frustrated about it. He didn't mind being the main caretaker but once in a while he wished his wife would take care of their daughter. But it had always been him. He couldn't rely on her to do anything. Too many times she'd bailed out because she had an oh so important audition or meeting or she _needed _to get those pair of shoes that were in sale now. So it was always him who cared for their daughter.

Especially when Alexis still had been a baby. He'd prepared her bottles since Meredith hadn't wanted to breastfeed. He'd gotten up in the middle of the night to feed the crying infant or walked around the loft for hours because being carried around made her stop crying. He'd changed her diapers. He was almost sure that Meredith had not once changed Alexis' diaper. It had either been him or his mother. He cooked for his daughter, he read to her. He took her to preschool and picked her up. He did everything. But he had never minded because there was nothing in the world he loved more than Alexis and caring for her was a privilege he wouldn't want to give up. Sure he could have used Meredith's help occasionally but he'd managed quiet well on his own mostly.

But as Alexis grew older Meredith seemed to connect with her better. She took her out at least once a week to meet friends of hers or go shopping since Alexis had turned four and didn't get tantrums anymore. She knew how to behave in public now, was always polite to and just an angel. So it was much more appealing for Meredith to take Alexis with her to show her off to friends and colleagues now than it had been when she was a crying infant or a yelling toddler.

This was the first time he had been away for longer than a day though. He had been hesitant to go to the book tour but Paula had been adamant and Meredith had promised that she could manage four days with Alexis on her own.

When he first started to plan this trip he had wanted to ask his mother to help Meredith with Alexis but they didn't get along well and neither of them was keen on spending four days with the other. So he had given in and trusted Meredith to take care of her daughter for four days. Not least because Alexis was so mature and could do almost everything on her own, including to remember her mother to tuck her in and feed her.

But now he was back (a day early because he had just missed his baby girl so much) and the first thing he saw was Alexis crying in the middle of the night with no one around to comfort her. He gently sat down next to her so he wouldn't scare her.

"Alexis, baby" he whispered and she looked up, tears streaming down her face like a waterfall. When she finally noticed him she crawled into his lap, threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Then she started to sob in earnest. Her whole body shook with the force of her sobs. Rick helplessly caressed her back, trying to soothe her.

"Shhh", he whispered and held her close. He sank his head down and kissed her hair. "Daddy is here. Everything is going to be okay. Shhh" He rocked her back and forth. After what seemed like hours she finally calmed down a little. Only crying quietly again. She made a few attempts to explain what got her so upset but broke up. Rick waited her out. She would start explaining in her own time.

"There was a man" Alexis told him and broke up again, another sob escaping her mouth.

"In your dream?" Rick asked. Clearly she had had a bad dream and some man played a role in it. But Alexis shook her head.

"No. I didn't dream. The man was in the loft." Alexis explained, looking at her dad with serious big blue eyes.

"Are you sure it wasn't a dream? Maybe there was a man in the loft in your dream" Rick knew that dreams could feel like reality all too often. Especially for kids.

But the little girl shook her head again. Her eyes clear and sure. Rick suppressed the slight feeling of fear of an unknown man in his home. With his little girl. Surely if there had been a stranger in the loft Meredith would have noticed and had taken care of things? And if there had been a break in he would have noticed when he got in.

But he had been in a rush to get to Alexis and hadn't looked around. And if that mysterious man had been careful he probably wouldn't have noticed. Oh god, maybe that man was still here.

Rick forced himself to calm down a little. No reason to scare his little girl with the uninvited imaginations. His heart was beating a little too fast.

"Is he still here?" He asked, feeling for his phone in his pocket, ready to call the police.

"I don't know" Alexis looked upset.

"No problem, baby girl" Rick told her. "Where did you see him? What did he look like?"

"In the kitchen. When we had lunch. I didn't like him. He ignored me and only talked to mommy" Alexis complained.

Wait, what? "You had lunch with him?" Rick asked. Nothing made sense. Why would Meredith invite somebody who scared the hell out of Alexis? Clearly even she would have noticed that she was scared, wouldn't she?

"Yes. Mommy invited him. She said he was a friend from the movie. We had lunch and then mommy told me to go to bed to sleep." Alexis explained, telling him nothing that made him see sense in this story.

"But daddy, it was only after lunch. Not anywhere near bedtime. And I'm not a baby anymore. I don't take afternoon naps anymore" She told him indignant.

"Of course not, honey" Rick agreed. "What happened after that?"

"I didn't want to go and told mommy that it wasn't bedtime but she told me to just go to sleep and that I could stay up late and watch a movie with her if I went to bed pretty fast. So I did. But I couldn't sleep."

Slowly Rick thought he got what this had been about and if he was right with his theory there would be hell to pay for Meredith.

"Of course you couldn't sleep. You weren't tired. It was midday." He waited for Alexis to continue. She had stopped crying during her explanation but her eyes filled with tears when she thought about what had happened next.

"And then I heard mommy screaming. Very loudly" The tears began flowing down her cheeks again. Ricks hands were in fists but he forced his upcoming anger down. He had a scared little girl in his lap. He would deal with his wife's infidelity later.

"I tiptoed downstairs. And I heard mommy scream again. I think the man hurt her really bad" That wasn't what Rick was thinking. "I knocked and called 'mommy' very loudly. But she screamed and sounded like she was running very fast. And she didn't hear me. And then I didn't hear anything anymore, daddy" She was sobbing again. But she calmed down to go on with telling her dad what had happened.

"When I heard footsteps that weren't mommy's I ran up to my room very fast" she took a deep breath before she asked with a very shaky voice: "Do you think the man murdered mommy? Like the people in your book?"

Now Rick fully got what had Alexis so scared. She had heard her mommy calling out in what to her had sounded like pain. She had thought her mommy was dead. And Meredith obviously hadn't cared to look for her since lunch. Lunch! It was – Rick looked at his watch – 3 am. She hadn't looked how her daughter was doing since over twelve hours because she was busy cheating on him!

Rick was beyond furious. His wife had cheated on him. She had done so while Alexis was there. She had been so loud that Alexis had thought she had been murdered.

Before his anger could really built up Rick once again forced himself to calm down. He already knew this would break out of him the moment he was alone with Meredith. But for now he looked at his baby girl who was still crying, making it easy for him to focus on her for now.

"No Alexis, I don't think he murdered mommy. But I will go downstairs and look if mommy is alright" he promised her. "Are you okay to stay here and wait for me for a minute?" He really didn't need his baby girl to see her mother in bed with another man. Probably naked. Hell, he didn't need to see this himself but it seemed like he didn't get to choose.

"Will you be back here pretty fast?" Alexis asked with wide eyes. Not really wanting him to go, but wanting him to look for her mother.

"I promise" Rick kissed her on her hair and gently pulled her from his lap, placing her on the bed again.

Then he went down the stairs. Telling himself to think about Alexis like a mantra in his head to not explode the moment he saw his soon-to-be-ex-wife. He pushed the door handle of _his _bedroom down. The door didn't open. Obviously Meredith had had the presence of mind to lock the door. Why couldn't she think about being quiet too?

But Rick knew the answer to that. Because she never did. She never had to. He knew she was loud. Very. But he always reminded her to keep quiet when Alexis was home. He would always swallow her screams by kissing her or by putting his hand over her mouth.

He swallowed hard to get the knot out of his throat.

He knocked. Forcefully.

Nothing happened.

He knocked again.

"Meredith. Open the door" he called.

He knocked again. Harder this time.

Then he heard footsteps. Soon the door was open and Meredith was standing in front of him in all her naked glory. Behind her he could see Brad Parker, Meredith's producer, laying on _his _side in _his _bed.

He had to avert his eyes for a moment. The anger was growling in him but he forced himself to remain calm on the outside. He looked at his wife again, his gaze carefully controlled so it wouldn't accidentally look anywhere else than her face. He couldn't stand seeing her naked right now.

"Ricky" Meredith said and then fell quiet. Clearly not knowing what to say. She definitely hadn't expected him to be home until tomorrow evening. He had wanted to surprise her with his early return. A surprise it was. Not a pleasant one as it seemed though.

He had to swallow hard again. Not only in anger this time though. He'd wanted to surprise his wife with his early return. He'd wanted to sneak in bed with her, to maybe kiss her awake gently and have awesome welcome-back-home-sex with her. Underneath his anger he could make out other emotions he definitely didn't want to address right now.

_Think about Alexis. Think about Alexis. Think about Alexis. Think about Alexis. Think about Alexis. _

"We are going to talk about this tomorrow" Rick informed her with a deathly edge to his voice. "And now I suggest you get dressed and show your daughter that you are okay."

Then he turned to face the man in his bed. He didn't look the least bit apologetic. The muscles in Rick's jaw tightened further.

"And you get out of _my_ bed and _my _house" he ordered the man and turned around when his naked form made its way out from under _his_ blanket with a grin on his lips. Rick had trouble not to punch him his face. But he once again thought about his daughter and kept going.

He made his way up to Alexis' room again. She was anxiously awaiting his return. Hugging herself tightly against him the moment he picked her up from her bed.

"Is mommy dead?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"No baby, she is fine. She is coming upstairs in a few minutes to wish you good night and then I'm going to tuck you in. It's very, very late."

"Can you sleep in my room, daddy? I don't want to be alone" she asked embarrassed.

"Of course baby. And there is no reason to be ashamed. You had a very rough day. It's perfectly alright to want me to stay with you. I don't want to leave you alone either"

After that he helped her to put on her pajama and brush her teeth. When they were finished and emerged from the bathroom Meredith was there, clothed in her own pajamas.

"Mommy!" Alexis called and ran towards her to hug her knees.

"Hello sweetheart" Meredith greeted her and picked her up.

"See Alexis, mommy is fine" Rick said, coming a step closer. He ignored the mess Meredith's hair was in, not wanting to think about how it got this way.

"Then why did you scream mommy?" Alexis asked.

Before Meredith could answer the question, Rick chimed in. "They were practicing for mommy's movie." Meredith shot him a thankful smile which he didn't acknowledge. He couldn't look at her. He would either start screaming at her or burst into tears. He didn't want Alexis to witness either.

"Oh" said Alexis. "okay. I'm glad you are okay, mommy."

"Come on Alexis. It's time for bed. I'll tell you a story." Rick said and came to take her out of Meredith's arms. Alexis went willingly. She immediately cuddled into his chest.

"Night mommy" she mumbled, her head resting on Rick's shoulder.

Meredith kissed her goodnight and then went out of the room. Rick let out the breath he hadn't even known he was holding. That didn't go too bad.

He laid down with Alexis and told her a story about a space princess until she fell asleep in his arms. Then he pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket and sent a text to his mother.

**I need you to pick up Alexis in the morning. **


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the reviews. Here is Kate's chapter. _

O-o-o-o-o

She had had a bad case. A very bad case. It had reminded her so much of her mother and had left her emotionally burned out. That's why she was currently curled up on her couch, tucked in under a soft blanket with a Richard Castle book in her hands and a glass of wine on the coffee table.

Castle's books always were comforting. And especially after cases like this one she just _needed_ them. A woman had been murdered. Her 15-year-old daughter was now an orphan since her father had died in a car accident when she was just a baby. Naturally the girl had been devastated. It reminded Kate so much about her own feelings after her mother's death. She had solved the case, brought the girl closure but it had opened old wounds anyway. She had given her her card, had told her she could call her anytime when she needed someone to talk.

The girl was now living with her mother's sister. Watching her walk out of the precinct with the aunt she only knew from yearly visits had been hard. Kate had watched her pull up her shoulders, her head held high, her hands in fists when she walked beside the woman. It didn't seem that she couldn't stand her aunt. But she barely knew her and Kate could see that the girl didn't want the barely stranger to see her cry. Or appear weak in front of her at all.

She reminded Kate of herself in that way. She'd thought she had to deal with her grief alone, had been too proud to cry in front of others. Had built up walls around her heart that barely anyone could ever cross. And to be honest she still thought so. She still thought she had to deal with her grief alone because there was no one who could ever understand her. And the walls were still intact. Only that there was one person inside those walls now. Kate would like to say it were two. But it really weren't.

Watching the victim's daughter walk out of the precinct today and knowing what she was going through and how it would affect her whole life from now on had left Kate feeling heavy-hearted and in need of a good book. So after she'd tucked her daughter in she'd chosen a book and had settled on the couch.

Kate turned the page and let herself be carried away by the story. Every word she was reading was like balsam for her soul. She felt herself slowly relaxing. She didn't know what she would do, if she wouldn't have those books. They were so important to her and always managed to make her feel so much better. She didn't even really know why. But they were and that was all she cared about. She'd tried to understand why it was exactly them but she never really got it. It wasn't like they were the only mystery books. Or the only books with happy endings. But they still were the only books that managed to comfort her like this, that managed to swallow her whole even on the worst of days.

When she finished a chapter she looked at her watch and almost sighed. Josh would be home soon. She felt bad for hoping that he got a surgery scheduled last minute. But she just didn't feel like dealing with him tonight.

No such luck though. About ten minutes later she heard him unlocking the door and entering their apartment.

"We need to talk" he said without preamble when he entered the living room. Kate looked up from her book to look at her boyfriend standing in front of her. She didn't like how this conversation was starting. This was never a good line. And to be greeted with it the moment your boyfriend walked through the front door was even worse.

_Hello to you too_, Kate thought annoyed. She wished he would know her better. She wished he would know that she'd had a bad day just by looking at her. She wished he would know that she really wasn't in the mood to receive any bad news. She wished he would know that she was in need of comfort. She wished he would notice these kind of things. She wished but she knew he wasn't that observant.

"About what?" she asked as she placed _A rose for everafter _on the coffee table in front of her.

"Are you reading that stupid fiction again?" he eyed the book disgusted. Kate glared at him. Sure, she hadn't told him why she loved those books so much but she hated when he mocked her about her reading habits. It wasn't like she wasn't reading serious literature but after a rough day like today she just wanted to get carried away with a good story. And the story being one of Richard Castle's was even better. They made her feel closer to her mother somehow and that was probably why she loved them so much and what made them so special for her.

"I'm sure my reading habits aren't what you wanted to talk about" she said angrily.

"Right. No. They aren't. Even if I still don't understand why you are always reading this unrealistic fiction with all the sappy happy endings. There is no value in it and it's just stupid and it isn't like you aren't surrounded by murder every day anyway…"

"Josh!" she hissed angrily. It was the same every time. He wasn't teasing her with her reading these books like Will had been. No. He was insulting her for it. Questioning her intelligence because of it. She hated it. She really, really hated it. And he had started doing it so early in their relationship that she had never told him why they meant so much to her.

"Right" he said, but started again. "It's just that you…"

"Josh, stop it!" She would have been yelling by now if it weren't for the sleeping girl in the next room.

"Yeah, okay, calm down." Kate pressed her lips together. She really didn't like his uncaring tone. But arguing wouldn't bring an end to this conversation anytime soon. So she swallowed her anger down.

„What did you want to talk about, Josh?" she sighed, already beyond annoyed.

„Yeah, right" he finally sat down beside her on the couch. „Remember when I applied for that doctors without borders mission a while ago?"

„Sure" Kate replied. They had talked about this months ago. It was something that was important to him and as long as he was telling her soon enough she was okay with him going away for a few weeks. She'd already organized her work schedule so that she wouldn't need a babysitter for their daughter too often. Everything was already planned so she didn't know what he wanted from her. Right now she just wanted to get this conversation over with so she could lock herself in the bathroom and continue reading her book in the bathtub. He usually left her alone when she was taking a bath.

„They changed the date" he told her and the slightly uncomfortable look he was shooting in her direction already told her that she would not like what was coming next.

„It's two weeks later now" Josh casually added as if it were nothing.

Kate looked at him incredulous. He couldn't be serious!

„You are kidding me, right?" Kate hissed angrily. „You know that we have a four-year-old daughter, right? You can't just change plans like that. I already cleared everything at work with Montgomery and my colleagues. You can't just go two weeks later!"

„Babe" he tried to calm her down with a gentle voice, achieving nothing with the hated nickname. „I know it's going to be tricky to change plans. And if it isn't possible then I'm not going. But you could at least try. You know that this is important to me."

Kate massaged her temples. She was starting to get a headache. Why did something like this had to come up on a day she already was stressed enough?

Two weeks later? Hm… maybe she could talk to Montgomery again. Maybe it was no problem. He understood how difficult it was to balance work and family. They could just take the work schedule they had worked out for the new date. Wait… what would be the new date be anyway? Kate mentally calculated the days.

„You can't be serious, Josh!" she glared at him. „If you'd go two weeks later you would be gone for Claire's fifth birthday." God, the nerve of this man.

„Kate, babe. It's just a date. I'll call and I'm sure you can handle her birthday party alone. You know that I'm not good with other people's children anyway" Josh argued.

„You really want to miss your daughter's birthday?" Kate asked incredulous. For nothing in the world would she want to miss her baby's birthday. How could Josh not care about that?

„I can do something fun with her when I'm back. It's not like a birthday is the only day you can turn into a fun day. It's just a date like every other" Josh justified. And Kate could probably agree with him on this if they were talking about her birthday or his or any other adults for that matter but for kids a birthday was something special. Her birthday was not just any day for Claire. She had been talking about it for weeks now and it was still a few weeks away.

„You know what, Josh?" Kate said defeated. She felt powerless. If Josh couldn't even see for himself that the fifth birthday of his daughter should be something important to him too there was nothing she felt like she could do. „I'm too tired for this right now. We can talk about this tomorrow. I'm going to take a bath"

Frustrated tears were already forming in her eyes and she really didn't want him to see her cry right now. He would just say she was being stupid. She picked up her book from the coffee table and made her way to the bathroom.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate quietly slipped out of the bathroom and into her daughter's room. She tiptoed over to her bed to kiss her on the forehead. The girl stirred from the contact but didn't wake up. Kate gently caressed her perfect face before she breathed a quiet "I love you".

She watched the rising and falling of the blanket over Claire's chest for a few minutes. There was nothing more beautiful than the peaceful face of her sleeping daughter. Or maybe there was. Her smile, the way her eyes lit up when she was happy about something was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Kate watched her daughter sleep for a while before she quietly slipped out of the room again, closing the door behind her. Because of course Claire was too big to sleep with a night light or let the door open for the light of the hall to fall in. She was just like her mother in that way.

When Kate noiselessly entered the bedroom she hoped that Josh was already asleep. That would make ignoring him so much easier. No such luck though.

He was laying in bed and seemed to be waiting for her because he immediately put his phone away when she entered the room. She inwardly sighed but continued her way to her side and slipped under the covers.

"Good night" she said and turned away from him, facing the wall. She really didn't want to talk to him right now. In moments like these she wished they hadn't moved in together and she could retreat into the solitude of her own apartment. But when she'd gotten (unexpectedly) pregnant with Claire it had seemed like the right thing to do.

Thankfully the exhaustion of the day, the remaining warmth from the bath and the peace that had settled over her when she watched her daughter sleep were already starting to pull her to sleep. At least she wouldn't have to pretend to be asleep then to avoid conversation with her boyfriend.

Her eyelids grew heavy and her body started to relax with the numbness of sleep. The blanket was comfortably warm, her pillow exactly in the right position. She was five seconds away from being asleep, when she felt Josh wrapping an arm around her, his mouth at her ear. Half-asleep Kate tried to scoot away but he wouldn't release his hold from her and she groaned in annoyance. God, he knew she hated being touched when she wanted to sleep. She just wanted him to stay on his side when she was sleeping. She'd never been a cuddler. And even less so when she was sleeping.

She decided to ignore him. Maybe he'd leave her alone again if he thought she was asleep already.

"I'm sorry, Kate" he whispered in her ear while he started caressing her thigh under the covers. "About before" When his hand wandered from her thigh over her hip to her lower abdomen, ignoring him wasn't an option any more.

She groaned loudly, turned, pushed him away and glared at him. "Are you kidding me?" she asked incredulous. "You don't really think I'm going to have sex with you right now, are you?"

"Come on, Kate. I'm sorry for fighting with you earlier" he told her, but his heart definitely wasn't in the apology. His eyes were dark with want. He wasn't seeking for her forgiveness, he just wanted to fuck her. "Let me make it up to you" His hand found its way to the seam of her sleep-shirt. She batted it away when he tried to go under her shirt.

When he started another try, this time going straight for her breast, she had had enough. She leveled her most intimidating glare at him and threw him out of the bedroom. He was going to spent the night on the couch. Enough was enough.

Now that he had woken her up though, she couldn't go back to sleep. She kept thinking about the case, about Josh missing their daughter's birthday, about everything. She tossed and turned in the bed, spilled a few angry frustrated tears and couldn't find sleep until the early morning hours, just to be woken up by her alarm three hours later.

She could have slept eight hours but thanks to Josh she hadn't even had the half of it. This day was starting of great… not!

At least when she got up to prepare breakfast for Claire, Josh had already left for work. She didn't stop to think about what her relief over that fact was saying about their relationship.

O-o-o-o-o

"That's all I can tell you right now. I'm still waiting for the toxicologic results." Lanie ended her report about the victim.

Kate nodded. She could work with what she had right now. Hopefully this case wasn't too difficult. On her good days she liked the weird ones. Loved the mystery but when she was emotionally already drawn out she agreed wholeheartedly with Esposito. She just wanted an easy case. And after last night she really really wanted this case to be easy. She'd even wished for a paperwork-day this morning when she dropped Claire of at her preschool.

"Thanks Lanie. Call me as soon as you find anything else" Kate said and started to turn around to make her way out of the morgue.

"Not so fast, young lady!" Lanie called. Kate sighed. She knew that she hadn't been too great at hiding her emotions from her best friend. But she didn't really mind. She really could use some encouraging words.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked anyway, playing dumb.

Lanie gave her a look. "You tell me"

Kate sighed again, massaging her hurting temples while letting herself fall on a chair. Lanie watched her and slowly pulled another chair opposite from Kate's.

"That bad, huh?" enquired Lanie.

"Men are idiots" Kate groaned, glad to be able to let some of her frustration out.

Lanie studied Kate. This definitely wasn't the first time this month that her fried was deeply upset with that boyfriend of hers. Not even the first time this week. The man kept disappointing her on a regular basis.

"Men or just Josh?" probed Lanie.

"He wants to postpone his doctor's without borders mission." Kate fumed. "He thinks I can just throw away all the plans I already made just to make new ones that fit his schedule. And on top of that the new date is over Claire's birthday! Over her birthday, Lanie! Can you believe that he wants to miss his daughter's birthday?!"

Lanie didn't answer her rhetorical question. She just waited her out. Kate really needed to unload.

"And then after I told him that I'm really too tired right now to fight with him, he thinks I'm going to sleep with him!" Kate huffed. "Can you believe that? Like he can just fuck the problem away! And he keeps pretending that it's no big deal and makes me feel like I'm overreacting but I'm not"

Lanie placed a comforting hand on her friend's knee when her fury seemed to run out and left only sadness and disappointment in its place.

"I'm not, am I?" Kate asked, finally lifting her eyes to meet Lanie's. They were shining with tears. Lanie hated the man for making her normally so confident best friend this insecure. She took her hand in hers and squeezed it.

"No honey. You are not" Lanie assured her. "You have every right to be upset"

Kate looked down at their joined hands and brushed some tears from her cheeks.

"Maybe you should think about if this relationship is still worth all the disappointments, Kate" Lanie pointed out.

Kate shook her head. They had had this discussion more than once and she didn't want to hear this right now. Lanie continued anyway.

"You know that I'm not saying this because I don't like Josh, right? Well, I do not like him. But that's not the reason" Lanie said. When Kate didn't say anything she went on. "I'm saying that because every time we talk you are upset or angry with Josh or he disappointed you. One out of twenty times you tell me about something good. Or neutral. Maybe that's because you don't tell me about all the great times you have but to me it looks like that there aren't too much of them"

Maybe Lanie was right. Maybe the bad things really outweighed the good things. He really kept disappointing her every chance he got. But what about Claire? Kate couldn't just break up with her daughter's father. She wanted her daughter to have a happy family. A whole family.

But they weren't a happy family. Josh kept putting work over both of them and their relationship was so far from how it should be that Kate didn't even remember how it felt like to be happy.

Tears were running down her face. God, she hated crying. She hated Josh for making her cry.

"I wanted us to be happy" Kate whispered, her voice broken with tears.

"Oh, honey" Lanie sympathized and pulled Kate up and into a tight hug. She hugged her back, thankful that she had at least such a good friend.

"Don't decide right away. Take your time and think about it" Lanie advised.

Kate pulled away and nodded. "I will"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Thanks a lot for all your nice reviews. I appreciate constructive criticism very much. So if you have any suggestions for improvement don't hesitate to point them out. _

_To the guest reviewer who said my story is bullshit: Insulting the story and the writer if you don't like the story is not very mature either. If you don't like the story, don't read it. Or if there are certain aspects you don't like point them out but don't insult the writer. Writing a story is a lot of work. So please keep your mean remarks to yourself. _

O-o-o-o-o

The bench was uncomfortable. And his head started to hurt. He hoped his mother was coming soon to bail him out. The effects of the alcohol were subsiding and all that was left was a terrible headache and an empty feeling. Stealing a police horse and riding it naked hadn't cured the heartache he felt over being cheated on by his wife. Maybe that shouldn't be a surprise but four hours ago when he had been stone cold drunk it had seemed like a good solution.

For a few minutes he had felt free and featherlight. The feeling of course had been short lived. Just after a short ride the police officer had whistled and the horse had thrown him from its back, causing him to fall rather ungracefully to the ground. Then he had been arrested and brought to a police station.

That's where he had met his friend Roy, who had taken over from the officer and interrogated him about the incident. Roy had scribbled everything down and Castle had been allowed to call somebody to pick him up.

Now he just needed to wait until his mother arrived.

The waiting gave him time to think. But thinking was the last thing he wanted to do. All his thinking lately just caused him pain.

How could Meredith cheat on him? How could she destroy their marriage like this? Didn't he mean anything to her? What had he done wrong? They had been good together. They had had fantastic sex. How could she cheat on him with another man? Or did she always fake it? Hadn't he been able to bring his wife pleasure in bed? Had she needed to search it elsewhere? Why hadn't she told him what she needed? He would have learned to bring her real pleasure. Or was it something else entirely?

Never in his life had he felt this insecure. This unsure about himself. Being cheated on had chattered something in him. Why wasn't he enough?

He had thought he was a good husband. He loved his wife. He loved their kid. He told her how much he loved her. He told her how beautiful she was. He cooked for them. He took her out whenever she wanted. Why wasn't he enough?

Granted they had fought occasionally. But that was normal, right? And they had always made up for it with pretty damn amazing make up sex. Or hadn't they?

He let his head fall back to the wall behind him and closed his eyes to keep his frustrated tears from spilling out. The last thing he needed was someone walking by his cell and see him cry.

He wasn't as heartbroken as he had been when Kyra left. He had loved Meredith but not as fiercely as he had loved his college love. But that had probably been the magic of first love and wasn't something he could ever regain in his life.

But being cheated on hurt too. He was heartbroken over his lost marriage, sure, but the feeling of not being enough was even stronger. He had not been enough for Kyra. She had left him to search for happiness on another continent. And obviously he hadn't been enough for Meredith otherwise she wouldn't have cheated on him.

He just hoped he could be enough for his daughter. Alexis deserved the best she could get. He hoped that whatever he lacked where romantic relationships were concerned wasn't something that was significant for his abilities as a father. If it was something concerning the bedroom it would be a major hit to his ego, but at least it wouldn't be something that would effect Alexis.

His depressing thoughts were finally interrupted when Martha came rushing in.

O-o-o-o-o

Martha watched her son drag himself to his bedroom. He hadn't talked much during their ride back home from the police station. She hadn't expected him too.

Thankfully she'd taken Alexis to preschool this morning already when he had called. Initially she had expected him to pick Alexis up at her place in the morning but when he hadn't shown up she'd hoped that he'd maybe found a nice woman to have a little affair with to cheer him up. She'd hoped he was having fun.

He'd asked her the night before if she could watch Alexis because he'd wanted to go out to clear his head a little. So of course Martha had agreed. She'd spent a nice evening with her granddaughter, had tucked her in and dropped her off at her preschool in the morning. Then she'd gone back to her place where she soon after had gotten Richard's call from the holding cell.

Martha shook her head at the thought. Stealing a police horse and riding it naked. It was a strange way to deal with heartbreak.

But heartbroken he was. She saw the way his head hung, the way his shoulders slumped even further down as his hand reached the knob to the door to his office. He shook his head slightly at himself, turned and walked towards the stairs.

„G' night, mother" he mumbled when he walked past her.

„Good night, Richard" Martha replied, even though it was midday. But a night in a holding cell, surely wasn't all that great. Now he had probably a hurting back in addition to the heartbreak he felt over his failed marriage.

Martha had never really liked Meredith. Well, she'd liked her a little when they had met during a show. She'd seemed to be fun and uncomplicated at the time and since Richard had been in a dull phase back then she'd thought introducing them wouldn't hurt.

She'd thought that they could have a little fun together, maybe even have a short relationship. But then Meredith had gotten pregnant and Richard had asked her to marry him. Martha couldn't blame her son. He'd always wished to have a whole family. A big family. She knew that it had always been his greatest dream. That's why he'd gotten attached to every boyfriend she'd ever brought home when he was a kid and even a teenager. So Martha had stopped bringing them home at some point. Or only brought them home when she thought that it would work out. Well, it never had. But that was another story.

So of course he'd asked Meredith to marry him even though Martha had warned him that it might not be the best idea. But her optimistic son had done so nonetheless. And he'd been so happy. Even though Martha had always seen that Meredith mostly cared for the money and her job but Richard had been oblivious to it and every try of hers to point it out had been shot down by him. Or not oblivious but he'd always put up with it because he just loved having a family.

He'd always enjoyed being a husband and father. Martha knew that he'd surprised his wife with little things every now and then. He'd loved cooking for her, had always enjoyed going out with her, had gladly done things with her he normally didn't like because she'd been his wife and he'd seen it as his job to do so. Richard had such a beautiful big heart.

But now he'd caught his wife cheating on him and it had hurt him deeply. He seemed depressed and it hurt Martha to watch him like this. She hated Meredith for cheating on him, for breaking his heart but most of all for imposing on the beauty of his heart, his kindness, his generosity. And of course for not caring for her grandchild. Not that Martha would ever forget _that. _

O-o-o-o-o

He was putting toys away when Meredith came in. She'd been out all day. Thankfully. It had given him the opportunity to tend to his headache in peace until he had to pick up Alexis from preschool. He'd taken her home right away afterwards, still not feeling like going out to the park or something. They'd done some puzzles instead and played a few rounds of pairs until it was time to make dinner and then bedtime. Even after napping in Alexis' bed when he'd tucked her in and told her a story the headache wasn't fully gone. He hadn't planned to fall asleep but after Alexis had asked him to just cuddle with her for five more minutes after he'd finished telling the story exhaustion had just taken over.

A little while later he'd woken up though and had gently removed his arm from under his daughter's head and quietly slipped out of her room. In the kitchen he'd made himself another coffee, hoping that it would finally help his headache. But it hadn't.

So he really wasn't in the mood to talk to his soon-to-be-ex-wife. Especially since she had that determined expression as she walked up to him. That could not mean anything good.

He'd hoped he'd been clear enough when they had talked the day after he'd caught her cheating on him. He'd told her that he was not only hurt by her cheating on him, but furious at her for forgetting about Alexis. She'd told him she was sorry, that neither would happen again. But he couldn't believe her and had told her that it was over and that he was filing for divorce. They had argued some more after that but at some point Meredith had accepted his decision and they'd come to the agreement that they could keep living under the same roof for another two weeks for Alexis' sake. At least that's what he had thought. But now Meredith was here, coming closer and closer with that determined I-want-to-have-sex-with-you-expression of hers.

"Hey kitten" Meredith purred, trying to seduce him. "Let's have sex. We were always good together." Her smile was bright and suggestive as her hand landed on his shoulder. She let it run down a little to play with the first button of his shirt.

Rick took a step back and schooled the hurt out of his eyes. How could she be so insensitive? How could she not understand that her touch hurt him? Just seeing her hurt. Every time he saw her he thought about the moment she opened the bedroom door naked with that other guy grinning. It made him nauseous.

"No Meredith. I don't think that would be a good idea" he told her, proud how little hurt was noticeable in his voice. He could still make it out, his mother probably could too if she were around as would Alexis. His little girl was very sensitive and almost always able to pick up on his mood, no matter how hard he tried to hide it from her. She'd asked him several times what was up with him since he'd caught his wife cheating. But Meredith never had been this sensitive with other people's feelings.

"But think about the great sex we always had, Ricky. It doesn't even have to mean anything. Or it can if you want. We've always been so good together. Remember that one time just before your book signing…" she tried, coming closer again. She reached for his shirt again.

"Meredith!" he said sharply and caught her hand to push it away from him. "Please stop it" he continued more tiredly.

"Why not? Just one time and if you still don't want to…" she tried to persuade him.

He wanted to. She was right, they had always been good together.

Then she had cheated on him. But that wasn't even the main problem here. The main problem was…

"If I give us another chance, can you promise me to be faithful? To never cheat on me again?" he asked and when she started to answer far too soon to even have thought about it he interrupted her before she could start talking.

"And please be honest. You owe me as much" he told her and didn't try to suppress the hurt in his voice and eyes anymore. She had hurt him and she should see it.

Meredith looked him in the eyes for a moment but let her gaze fall to her shoes when she couldn't take his expression anymore. She kept quiet.

"I thought so" Castle whispered sadly and turned around to make his way up the stairs to the guest room where he was sleeping till the end of the week when Meredith would fly out to California to live there. Sleeping with the producer had gotten her a job there.

O-o-o-o-o

Ever since Claire came along, Kate hated working on weekends.

At least they had closed the case this morning. She had filled all her paperwork and was done for today. As long as no body dropped and she got called in she would be able to spend the rest of the day with her family.

Thankfully the rest of the week since her fight with Josh on Tuesday had gone without new incidents. They had stayed on schedule. Josh had managed to pick up Claire every time he was supposed to and they even had dinner together as a family yesterday. And after a week of gaining some distance from their fight Kate had decided that her number one priority was Claire and even if things between her and Josh weren't all that great, her daughter still deserved to have both her parents.

So things were… not great, but back to normal. She doubted that things would ever be great again. At least not between her and Josh. They were comfortable with each other and they had a daughter together, who they both loved. But Kate didn't love him anymore (if she ever really had) and she was almost sure he didn't really love her either. But that was okay because they both loved their daughter. It was just that Josh loved his work more and most times chose work when he had to choose between his family and his work. But they just had to find a way he wouldn't need to choose between work and Claire so often.

But now was not the time to think about think about this, Kate decided as she got out of the cab near the park where she was supposed to meet Josh and Claire. An hour ago Josh had texted her that they had gone out to the park. That's were Kate was headed now. She entered the park and walked towards their favorite spot. The sun was shining warmly but it wasn't too hot yet. When Kate reached the playground she looked around in search for her boyfriend and daughter.

After a few seconds of looking around she spotted them. Both of them were wearing inline skates and racing each other. They hadn't noticed her and she stopped to watch them for a while. When Kate had received the text that they were in the park she had automatically assumed that she would find Josh sitting on a bench reading a medical paper while Claire built sandcastles alone like most times. Kate was delighted that that wasn't the case.

Claire was laughing when she managed to catch her dad. Then she was racing away and laughed even harder when Josh pretended that he couldn't catch up to her. Kate smiled ,suddenly confident that they would find a solution they would all be okay with for his Doctors Without Borders mission and Claire's fifth birthday.

"What's wrong, daddy? Are you sleeping or why are you so slow?" Claire called over her shoulder. The moment she turned Kate already knew that she was about to stumble and fall. She was too far away to do anything about it though and for a moment she was frozen in place before she started to run towards her daughter, anticipating her crying. But it never came.

Josh had noticed her stumbling too and had caught up with her just in time to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Careful Claire, you have to look where you are going. " Josh told her while he sat her down on her feet again.

By now Kate had managed to join them, having stopped running when Josh had managed to catch her in time.

When Claire heard the sound of clicking heels she looked up.

"Mommy!" she called and closed the remaining distance between them, almost knocking her over when she hit her knees.

Kate chuckled. For her four years Claire was pretty good at inline skating but what she hadn't mastered yet was slowing down when she needed to. Like when she wanted to hug her mom.

"Hello bug" Kate grinned. "Are you having fun?"

Claire nodded. "Look, mommy, how fast I can go from here to the tree there and back." She pointed at a tree twenty meters away. "Earlier dad stopped the time with his phone. I'm so fast. You have to watch me."

And off she was. Kate followed her with her eyes. She was really fast. Terrifyingly so.

"Hey" Josh said. He had stopped next to her and was smiling down. He was having fun skating. It was something he enjoyed doing. Something they had enjoyed doing as a couple in the early days of their relationship. And for her last birthday they had gotten Claire inline skates too so she could learn it too.

"Hey" she greeted back and lifted her head to let him give her a quick kiss on the lips.

"We brought yours too if you want to join us" Josh pointed to a bag on the park bench a few steps away.

"I'd love to" Kate smiled. It was very thoughtful of him to bring her inline skates too, especially because they didn't even know if Kate would be able to join them or if she had to work longer. Maybe she'd in fact overreacted the other day. She'd been tired and upset then. Maybe it had just been the wrong time to talk about these kind of things. Kate made a mental note to think about it later. Now that she had gained a little distance from the topic she could look at it more pragmatically and wasn't so emotional about it.

When she tied her skates Claire hopped on the bench next to her while Josh stood in front of them.

"See daddy?" Claire boasted. "I told you it's a good idea to bring mommy's inline skates too. Daddy said you might not make it here because you had to work. But I told him to bring yours anyway."

"That was very thoughtful of you, my sweet girl" Kate said and kissed the crown of her head. She had finished putting on her skates and was now ready to cruise around with her boyfriend and daughter.

O-o-o-o-o

Later that day Kate sat on the couch, reflecting on her day. After they'd gone home from the park they'd an early dinner and Josh had played with Claire in her room while Kate had done the dishes. When Josh had to leave for his night shift at the hospital he had kissed them both goodbye.

He'd been sweet today, totally invested in their family life. All three of them had had so much fun skating in the park. They'd gotten ice cream on the way back home. And it just had been so much fun. Not only for Claire but for Kate too. And Josh had enjoyed it too.

Days like this made her shove all her doubts to the back of her mind again. Maybe he was right and she was really overreacting sometimes. Maybe she just expected too much of him. So much he couldn't fulfill her expectations in the stressful day to day. He had a stressful and important job after all.

Kate had always known that his job was important to him and his number one priority. She'd liked that about him in the beginning of their relationship. Her job had been her number one priority back then too. Especially her mother's case. Even when she'd gotten pregnant they had both agreed that neither of them was going to let their career suffer. For Kate though something had changed when she'd held Claire in her arms for the first time.

But maybe that was something only a mother could feel. Maybe she shouldn't blame Josh for something they had agreed on years ago. And maybe it wouldn't be too bad if he would be away for Claire's birthday. She would be busy with all her friends anyway. And when he came back he could do something fun with her as a belated birthday gift.

Because he can be a good dad. Like today. Because if there is no work that is more important to him, Kate knows that he enjoys spending time with their daughter.

On the other hand, wasn't Lanie right? One positive thing couldn't make up for all the disappointments they had to suffer through. Or could it? Kate didn't know. All she knew was that she'd fun today, that her daughter went to bed happy.

But they still had to talk about his Doctors Without Borders mission and Kate was almost sure that it would end in another argument. Because no matter how understanding she was right now about him loving his job she knew that she would always be disappointed about him putting work over their daughter.

O-o-o-o-o

_Sorry about the long wait. I just didn't like this chapter very much and tried improving it several times. I'm still not very fond of it but I don't think it's getting any better. So here it is so I can work on the next chapter. _

_And don't worry, you'll get to hate Josh in the next chapter again. I just think that he isn't _that _bad of a guy. He just doesn't belong with Kate. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you for all your nice reviews and encouraging me to ignore the bullies. It really means a lot. _

_And I hope you like this chapter. It's the scene I constructed the story around, the first idea I ever had for _A tale of two single parents.

O-o-o-o-o

Castle was currently sitting on a bench at a playground and watching Alexis play with another girl around her age. They seemed to be friends. Maybe they knew each other from pre school. Alexis had talked about a new girl at her school for the past few weeks. She'd even asked him if she could invite the girl for a play date. That had been just before his book tour so he'd told her it had to wait. And after the book tour… well, he hadn't really been in the mood to entertain Alexis' friends. She hadn't asked again either, probably picking up on his mood or to busy herself with processing the news of her parents break-up.

But he really didn't want to think about this right now so he focused on watching Alexis. She was currently climbing on the jungle gym, right behind her friend. He was thankful about Alexis' red hair. It always made it so easy for him to spot her between the other kids. The other girl had brown hair and was wearing dark blue shorts and a light blue t-shirt. Alexis' always insisted on wearing a dress, no matter how impractical Rick thought it was for climbing and running and all the other playground-stuff.

Alexis and the brown-haired girl had just used the slide, both of them laughing and running to climb up again. On top of the slide they stopped and talked to each other and at some point in the conversation Alexis pointed towards him and waved enthusiastically. He waved back and then watched as the other girl pointed to the opposite end of the playground, where a dark-haired man was sitting. She waved.

The man though seemed to be absorbed with the papers in his hands and didn't notice his daughter waving.

„Daddy" he heard the girl call. The man looked up and waved back. Then he scanned the playground for a short moment, noticing Rick on the other bench. Since they were the only ones on the playground right now it was obvious that he was the father of the girl his daughter was currently playing with. They made eye contact and nodded at each other. Rick didn't really feel like making conversation with a stranger right now though and remained on his bench. The other dad obviously wasn't interested in getting to know him either since he made no attempt to walk over. He looked at his daughter again for a moment who was animatedly talking to Alexis before he lifted his papers from his lap and continued reading them.

Rick continued watching his daughter play but that wasn't occupying his brain enough so his mind started to wander. The last two weeks must have been the most exhausting weeks of his life. In retrospect he should have thrown Meredith out of the loft and paid a hotel room for her or he should have booked a hotel room for himself and Alexis. Either way would have been better than sharing a home with the woman who had cheated on him after close to five years of marriage. Seeing her every day had hurt like hell.

It had been a dumb thing to think that they could stay friends and be there for Alexis together. In the beginning it had seemed like a good idea, the gentlest way possible for Alexis. But for Meredith friends seemed to mean friends with benefits which definitely was the worst way for him. Which in the end meant that it wasn't all that good for Alexis either.

But after a few days of living together separately Meredith had gotten that offer for a movie in LA and he had thought that he could take another week and a half. That was another dumb thought. He should have just told her that it was too hurtful for him to have her under the same roof. But somehow he hadn't found the courage to throw her out.

So he had waited patiently. This morning they had finally dropped Meredith off at the airport. She was finally moving to California. He couldn't even describe what a huge relief that had been.

Alexis had been upset at first but ultimately she was okay. Rick didn't want to think about what this was saying about his daughter's relationship with her mother. Meredith had never been too invested in the little girl's life so it wasn't that much of a surprise but it was sad anyway. They didn't even discuss who would be going to take care of Alexis after the divorce because of course it would be him. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

He was just scared that he would screw up. He was a single parent now. Alexis was the most important thing in his life. He wanted only the best for her. And didn't girls need female role models they could look up to?

Not that Meredith was really qualified for that role anyway… He didn't really want Alexis to become like her mother.

Rick shook himself out of his sulking. It wouldn't help him or Alexis to think about these things. He would figure it out. He would do anything to make his daughter happy. They were going to be okay. He would make it work. He didn't know how yet but he would get there.

And seeing his daughter running happily around the playground with the other girl made him really believe that. As long as Alexis was happy they were going to be okay. Currently Alexis and the brown-haired girl seemed to take turns chasing each other while laughing and giggling. He could hear Alexis' beautiful laugh all over the playground when the other girl finally caught her. But then Alexis stumbled and fell on her knee. Rick was up from his bench immediately, ready to run towards his little girl and tend to her injuries. But he sat down again when he saw that she wasn't crying and that the other girl was holding her hand out to help Alexis. The brown-haired girl then kneeled down to kiss Alexis' hurting knee and blow on it. When she got up they hugged and then continued to run around. This time Alexis was chasing her friend.

Castle looked over to the other girl's father. The other man hadn't witnessed this adorable moment though because he was still preoccupied with his papers. His lose, Castle thought. He studied the other man for a while. He wasn't careless but he wasn't really interested either. He checked on his daughter occasionally but didn't watch her play. He looked up at every unexpected yelp his daughter made but when he saw that nothing had happened he focused on his papers again. He wasn't all that interesting but since Alexis currently played with his daughter Rick switched between watching the girls and wondering what it was that had the man so enthralled. At least that kept him busy enough to shove all thoughts of Meredith to the back of his mind.

A few minutes later the father of the brown-haired girl got a call. Rick watched him. It seemed to be important. Probably work-related. At first he seemed to listen and with every passing second he seemed to sit up straighter until he stood up from his bench. His gaze was on his daughter who had just started to build a sandcastle with Alexis. He said something, scratched his head as if he was debating something before he nodded and then said something else. He was still on the phone when he made his way to the girls but ended the call with a last nod before he started talking to his daughter.

The girl looked up, a smile on her face. She pointed at the sandcastle they had just started building but her father interrupted her, said something himself and held his hand out for the girl to take. Rick couldn't understand what was being said because they were too far away from his bench but he prided himself on being good at reading people's nonverbal language. Right now the girl she shook her head at whatever her father had said and just turned away. The man said something again. And even from the distance Rick could tell that the girl didn't like what her father was saying. The girl got up and Rick thought she was going to go with her father now because that had clearly been his goal.

Instead the girl crossed her arms over chest and stomped her foot in the ground. Her father said something again that Rick couldn't understand. Probably something along the lines that they really needed to go now. The girl shook her head again. The man started to look really annoyed and impatient. Rick knew that that was going to get him nowhere. Impatience was never good with kids. After another minute of arguing with his daughter the man wanted to just grab her but with what seemed to be a practiced move she quickly stepped out of his reach.

"I don't want to go yet!" The girl then started to yell at her father, so loudly that even Rick could hear her from the other side of the playground. "I want to play with my friend Alexis! You always have work work work! I'm not going yet!" Rick watched the man talking to his girl, trying to get her to finally go. But he seemed to be getting more and more restless and impatient with every minute this fight was going on.

Rick noticed that the man wasn't really listening to his daughter when she said something and only went on with what he wanted to say. In response he got more yelling about not wanting to go yet and wanting to continue playing.

„I hate your work!" the girl yelled, almost jumping up and down in anger. „You promised that I can play here until dinner. I'm not going!"

This continued for a few more minutes. Rick contemplated getting Alexis. Until now his daughter had just like him followed the fight with curiosity but she seemed to be getting uncomfortable. But just as he was about to get up the father seemed to be giving in. With fast steps he walked towards Castle's bench.

The girl's anger seemed to vanish as soon as her father left the sandpit. She sat down beside Alexis again and took her yellow shovel, gladly continuing to shovel sand on a pile.

The man's expression though was grim as he approached Rick.

"Are you Alice' father?" he asked, trying to sound at least a bit friendly but Rick could see that he was beyond annoyed.

"Alexis. But yes, I am" Rick replied, not yet knowing what he wanted or why he was even talking to him. But after his horrible last two weeks watching other peoples troubles were a welcome change.

"Great" the other man said. "Look, I really have to go to work. It would be great if you could watch Claire for ten minutes. Just give my girlfriend a call so she can pick her up." He said in a rush, faster than Rick could comprehend what was happening. It wasn't like he expected this stranger wanting him to watch his daughter he didn't even know. Because obviously that was insane.

Before he knew it though the other man was jogging away.

"Wait" Rick called after him when he finally understood what was happening but the man was too far away by now and couldn't hear him anymore. And he couldn't follow him because he had to watch Alexis. And apparently the other girl too. Claire. That was not the name of the new student in Alexis' class. "I don't even have your number. Or your girlfriend's" Castle muttered to himself since there was no point in calling after him since he wasn't even in sight anymore.

Great, Castle thought. Now he had to figure out what to do with the girl. At least now he really had no time to thing about his wife anymore.

He took his bag and made his way to the girls.

„Hi girls" he said when he approached them. He kneeled down so he'd be on their eye level.

„Daddy" Alexis smiled back at him. „Do you wanna help us?" she asked and gave him the blue shovel he always had to use when they were building sandcastles because the pink one was hers, obviously. He took it.

"Look daddy, this is my friend Claire" Alexis introduced the other girl who had interesting eyes. They were a fascinating mixture between brown and green.

"Hello Claire, nice to meet you" he greeted her and she smiled a beautiful smile at him, no trace of the earlier tantrum.

"Likewise, Mr …um…" she turned to Alexis "What's your last name?"

"Castle" his daughter replied proudly. He had recently taught her all the important details about herself, including her last and middle name, address and his cell phone number.

"Likewise Mr Castle" Claire replied. It seemed like she was better reared than he would have guessed from the interaction with her father. And the first impression he got from the man.

"Do you know each other from school?" Rick asked them hopefully.

"No. We just met and decided to be friends" Alexis told him with a proud smile. He always told her how proud he was of her for befriending other kids so easily. In this case though it wasn't so good since he didn't have a clue how he would return the girl to her parents now.

"That's great, Alexis" he praised nonetheless. „But we don't know Claire's parents. And her dad didn't give me his number. Didn't you tell your dad that the two of you just met?" he asked Claire.

"I tried but he wasn't listening" Claire complained, the hurt and anger shining in her eyes. "He never listens when I want to explain something" Tears were shining in her eyes though she tried really hard to stop them from falling.

Then she seemed to register what Rick had said about the phone number. "If you don't have daddy's number how do I go back to my daddy? And my mommy?" she asked distressed. She was about to start crying. But her crying would help anything so Rick quickly jumped in.

"Don't worry. We are going to figure it out" Rick promised. He was contemplating calling the police but that would probably scare her further. He decided to try to return the girl to the girlfriend of the man who was hopefully her mother and see if she was any better than the father. If she wasn't or he couldn't find her he would call child services. What parents left their child with a complete stranger?

"Yes! Like a mystery!" Alexis called excitedly. "Daddy loves mysteries. He is really good at solving them."

"Okay" Claire nodded bravely, swallowing a few times and biting her trembling lip.

"Great" Rick exclaimed, pretending to be super excited about this _mystery_. "That's going to be such a funny game." He tried to cheer the girl up with his cheerfulness and it seemed to work. Her face brightened up again.

"How does this game work?" she asked and she and Alexis looked at him expectantly.

"We are following leads" he explained. "First I need you to tell me some things. For example: Do you know your mommy's phone number or any other phone number?"

She shook her head sadly, her eyes clouding again.

"No problem" Rick said. "That was just the first try. We don't want this game to be over too fast, do we? That would just be too easy and no fun."

The girl smiled again and Ricked inwardly sighed in relief. He wouldn't mind this game to be over soon.

"Do you know your address?"

"Yes. But nobody is home. Daddy just went into work. And mommy needs to work tonight too. Daddy was supposed to take me to my aunt later."

Rick was about to ask if she knew her aunts address then when Alexis said something.

"What does your mommy work?" Alexis asked.

"Good question" Rick praised.

"She is a police officer. Ah no. Detective. She's a detective" Claire responded proudly. Oh well. That was certainly interesting. Again Rick thought about just calling the police. Since her mom worked with the police she wouldn't be scared about it either. But then again, when he explained why he was calling they would immediately sent child services and Claire's mom would probably lose her stand in the force. And he just didn't want that yet. He got the feeling that her mother was a way better parent than her father was. Claire wouldn't be so well-behaved and smart with two parents who didn't really pay attention to her.

"Would mommy's name be a good lead too?" Claire asked.

"Of course" Castle replied. "What's her name?"

"Katherine Houghton Beckett. But her colleagues only call her Beckett. And daddy calls her Kate or sometimes babe but she doesn't like that. And grandpa calls her Katie but we don't see him often. And my full name is Claire Johanna Beckett"

"That's great, Claire. You really know a lot about your mommy" Castle praised and Alexis nodded.

"Do you happen to know which precinct she works for?"

Claire shook her head.

"No problem. Do you know the names of some of her colleagues?" Castle asked. Not that he knew that much police officers but last year he'd met at least some at Roy's birthday party so maybe he'd recognize a name.

"Yes!" Claire grinned, she obviously seemed to like her mother's colleagues. "There is Uncle Javi Esposito. And Uncle Kev Ryan. And Aunt Lanie Parish. But she works at the morgue, not in the precinct. But she's mommy's very best friend. And she's so cool. And funny. She always makes fun of mommy and mommy pretends she doesn't like it. But in reality she thinks it's funny too" Claire told them and laughed. Her aunt seemed to mean a lot to her. „She's my godmother too."

„Oh and then there is Uncle Roy Montgomery. He is mommy's boss" Claire added as an afterthought.

"Did you say Roy Montgomery?" Rick's eyes peeked up at the familiar name. Now they were getting somewhere.

Claire nodded.

"We know him!" Alexis exclaimed. Then she turned towards Claire. „Daddy plays poker with him."

"That's right. You did pretty well, Claire. I think we have enough leads now to find your mommy." He told them. "I'm going to make a call now. You can go play some more if you want. Or eat some apple pieces. There are some in the bag, Alexis. And after I finish my call we can go and follow the leads we just found, okay?"

When they nodded he told them to stay where he could see them before the girls ran off to the swings. But not before they took the box of apples out of his bag to take with them. He waited until he saw that they were seated on the swings without swinging, eating apple pieces.

Then he pulled out his phone and called Roy.

"Montgomery" answered the police captain after the third ring.

"Hey Roy. This is Rick Castle. I have kind of a situation here and need your help" he told him.

The other man groaned, remembering the horse incident from last week. "What have you gotten yourself into this time?"

Rick chuckled a little embarrassedly. "Nothing too bad. And it wasn't even my fault this time. But I need to come by anyway to tell you the details. Which precinct is yours again?"

O-o-o-o-o

When Rick and the girls emerged from the car half an hour later, Alexis and Claire had bonded even more. They had proclaimed to be friends for life and longer. They chatted about anything and everything. It was totally cute.

Rick took both their little hands in his and walked them from the parking lot through the heavy traffic towards the 12th precinct. Once inside he tried to come up with an idea how to get past the desk sergeant without explaining the whole situation and bringing the mysterious Katherine Houghton Beckett in an inconvenient situation.

But as it turned out he didn't have to worry about that since the man immediately recognized Claire. After she introduced him to her friends Alexis and Mr Castle they were let up towards the homicide floor. Rick hadn't thought about which diversion Kate Beckett belonged to while figuring out how to return Claire to her. But homicide was definitely the coolest.

They walked out of the elevator. Alexis and Claire holding hands and Rick behind them. Claire spotted Montgomery and pointed him out to Alexis. The girls ran towards the man and Rick followed them.

After they had hugged him and told him about their unbreakable friendship, they went to detective Kate Beckett's desk to look at the books she kept there for Claire.

"I didn't know you and Beckett knew each other" Montgomery raised an eyebrow. Secretly he had always thought that they might make a good couple but of course they both were (or had been in Castle's case) in relationships. But nonetheless, Montgomery thought they would be a perfect match.

"We don't" Castle said and began to tell him what had happened.

When he was finished Montgomery stated: "She is going to kill Josh."

He shook his head. He had never really liked the guy. Had always thought that Kate was too good for him, that doctor Joshua Davidson wasn't good enough for his best detective and her smart and beautiful daughter. Kate wasn't happy with him either but Roy knew she wanted her daughter to grow up with her father. But this was going to end things between them. Montgomery was sure of it. Not being happy herself Kate could deal with, Roy knew. But letting her daughter be neglected by her own father was inexcusable.

"So she is a better parent than Claire's father?" Castle asked. "Because I was thinking about calling child services"

Montgomery's eyes grew wide. "Thank god you didn't. She would have been devastated. I mean she would have gotten her back but alone the fact that she would have had to deal with child services… She would have lost all the respect in the precinct she has so hardly worked for."

He shook his head again. "And to answer your question: yes, she is a better parent than Josh. I think you could compare it to you and Meredith. She is as devoted to Claire as you are to Alexis."

"Where is she anyway?" Castle asked while he watched the girls through the window of Montgomery's office. They were playing some sort of card game they had found in Beckett's desk drawer.

"She is out following a lead but they should be back soon. But I'm calling her now to tell her to come back here as soon as possible."


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you all so much for your reviews and your patience._

O-o-o-o-o

To say Kate Beckett was surprised when she walked into the bullpen would have been an understatement.

When she saw Claire sitting in the lap of Richard Castle beside a redheaded little girl she wondered if she fell asleep in her police car and was now having a very surreal dream. Because it could not be reality that her daughter was sitting in her favorite author's lap with his daughter while he read children's books to them.

All three of them were absorbed in the book and didn't notice her standing right in front of them, still not understanding what was going on. Surely this was a dream. She cleared her throat and Richard Castle stopped reading to look up at her. His eyes landed on her and widened slightly.

Wow, his eyes were blue, Kate thought when their eyes met. Like really, really blue. And he was even more handsome in reality than on the book covers or on TV. Not that Kate cared about that. No, not at all.

She couldn't indulge in his looks for very long anyway because when he stopped reading the girls looked up and Claire sprang from his lap to jump in her arms.

"Mommy!" she exclaimed. She hugged her quickly before she excitedly wriggled free from the embrace.

"Look mommy, this is my friend Alexis and her daddy Mr Castle. I found them at the playground. Alexis is my best friend forever and ever. And Mr Castle invented a game to find your workplace when daddy left me with them at the playground. It was really fun. We were following leads. Just like you do. And Alexis says her daddy invents games a lot and sometimes they even…" Claire was talking in a rush but there was one detail that stuck with Kate.

"Slow down a little, Claire. Daddy did what?" she asked. Had she heard that right? She probably hadn't… but how else would her daughter end up in Richard Castle's lap? She had no logical theory how that could have happened.

Claire rolled her eyes in clear Beckett-fashion. "He got a call from work and had to leave. I didn't want to go because I wanted to play some more with my best friend so he left me with them. Then we noticed that Mr Castle doesn't have your number so he couldn't call you to pick me up and then he invented the game. But that's not important now, mommy. Alexis told me that she and her daddy are building forts in their living room that look like real castles and then they are playing princess or fairy or astronauts or…."

Claire was super excited about all the things Alexis had told her on the drive to the precinct, about all the cool things her dad was doing with her but Kate currently couldn't listen to the things her daughter was telling her.

"Daddy left you in the park with Alexis and Mr Castle?" Kate asked again, just to be sure.

Claire rolled her eyes annoyed. "Yeeees. I already told you that twice, mommy. Didn't you listen?"

"Of course I listened, baby" she assured her. "I just wanted to make sure I understand you right. And I will listen to all the exciting things you want to tell me but first I have to talk to Mr Castle for a few minutes." Rick could see that she was furious. She was hiding it great but he was great at reading people. He noticed the little fire in her eyes, the tension in her shoulders.

Kate looked around. Esposito and Ryan were standing nearby. They had listened to the conversation. "Maybe Uncle Javi and Uncle Kevin can show you and your friend Alexis the break room and you tell them about the forts Alexis builds in her living room. If that is okay with Mr Castle?" For the first time since Claire had started telling her about her afternoon she looked at him.

He looked at Ryan and Esposito, then back to Alexis who was looking at him with questioning eyes, asking for his permission to go with Claire and the detectives. Then he looked at Kate again. He didn't really want to let his little girl go out of his sight with strangers.

Kate noticed his hesitance. "The break room is just over there" she pointed towards a door.

Rick looked at her again and gave into her pleading eyes. She really needed to know what exactly had happened. He could relate. If he were in her place he would want to talk to him too.

"Alright Alexis, you can go with them. Just call for me if you need me, okay?" He agreed.

Alexis nodded and took Claire's hand, who was currently holding Ryan's hand. Esposito walked backwards in front of them and made funny faces. The girls laughed when Ryan closed the door that separated the bullpen from the break room.

"I'm sorry Mr Castle" Kate started. Her tone was friendly but he could tell she was more than furious. Not with him of course. "I'm a little confused about this situation"

Then she noticed she hadn't even introduced herself. "Oh, and sorry again. I'm Kate Beckett, Claire's mom." She held out her hand which he took and shook. Her hand was delicate and soft in his.

Rick smiled. He was proud of himself that he had returned the girl to her mother instead of calling child services. His first impression of her was _pretty _good. And not only because she was probably the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"I know. I've heard quiet a lot about you in the past" he glanced at his watch "three hours."

Kate's eyes widened in shock. Her baby girl had been with a stranger for the last three hours while she had thought she was with her dad. Josh was gonna die. "Yeah. About that: can you tell me how exactly my daughter – who was supposed to be with her dad – ended up in famous mystery novelist Richard Castle's lap in my chair at my workplace?"

Rick was absolutely enthralled with this women. She had gorgeous eyes, an amazing body. She clearly was a devoted mother and the way she controlled herself was fascinating. There were only little telltales that she was _very _angry with her boyfriend and Castle could probably only see them because he watched people for a living. And despite of how furious she was with the guy she still had been super sweet with Claire and was absolutely friendly with him. Also it hadn't escaped his notice that she obviously knew him for his books.

"It was pretty much like Claire said. But I can tell you my version of the story too. Maybe it's a little more comprehendible and less rushed." He gave her a smile which she returned. But hers was tight. She really wanted to know what had happened so she knew exactly what she was going to do with Josh.

"Well, I was at the playground with Alexis. She found a little girl to play with. I thought that she maybe was the new student in her class. The other girl's father was on the other end of the playground and was busy with some papers"

At this point Kate muttered angrily "Of course he was" but motioned for Rick to continue.

"Then he got a call and obviously wanted to take Alexis' new friend with him. She didn't want to go though and got a tantrum. The man seemed to be in a hurry and lost patience pretty quickly. That's when he approached me on my bench and asked me to watch his daughter and call his girlfriend to pick the girl up. Before I could say anything he was jogging away. And I couldn't follow him because I now had not only one little girl to watch but two" Rick finished and watched as Kate's jaw clenched further with every word he was speaking.

He watched the glint of fire in her eyes with utter fascination. He definitely didn't want to be on her bad side. She was intimidating. But to watch her was quiet inspiriting too.

Kate almost couldn't believe what she was hearing. Josh had left their little girl with a stranger. And she hadn't known for three hours! It could have happened who knows what. Oh, Josh was going to pay for this. She couldn't wait to hear his version of the story. Or better: his excuses.

"I'm so, so sorry Mr Castle. I hope Claire at least behaved herself?" He nodded and Kate continued. "And thank you so much for returning her to me. I don't know how to repay you"

"Don't worry about it." Castle told her.

"If you excuse me now, I have to make a call" she said, already pulling her phone from her pocket.

"Of course." Rick gave her an encouraging smile. She was going to kick this Josh in the ass. Rick was sure of it. "I'm going to look what Alexis is doing"

She nodded but was already on the phone. She watched him disappear just as the line connected.

"Kate, hey" Josh greeted her as if nothing was wrong. "Can this wait? I have an important surgery in five minutes."

Kate cooled the upcoming fury down. She would wait until she saw him to unload everything on him.

"No" she said with an icy voice. "This can't wait. You are coming down to the precinct _right now_!" she ordered, steel in her voice.

"Is something wrong with Claire?" Josh asked, sounding a little worried but his voice wasn't as panicked as a father's should be when he knew that he had left his daughter with a stranger in the park.

"You could say that" Kate stated.

"Oh" Josh said. Kate got furious again and tears of fury and disappointment were collecting in her eyes. How could he be so cool at the prospect that something had happened to his child? Did he even care about her? If someone would call her and tell her that something had happened to Claire she would be panicked out of her mind. "What happened?"

"Come down here" Kate ordered again and disconnected the line. Then she slumped down in her chair and tried to regain her composure. It wasn't going to do her any good to indulge in her misery. She had to hold onto fury for her talk with Josh. She could deal with her disappointment later. At home. After Claire went to sleep. Kate mentally counted to ten.

When she had collected herself again she went to cuddle her little girl. She was still in the break room with her uncles and Alexis and her father. When Kate opened the door she saw Claire talking animatedly. Alexis occasionally chimed in and Ryan and Esposito were trying to follow the girls' words.

Castle was the first one who noticed her and his curious eyes landed on her. He gave her a compassionate smile and she could see understanding in his eyes. An understanding that ran deeper. She felt like he understood how she was feeling right now. Like he had felt the same at some point in his life. She smiled back but could feel that it was strained.

Then she turned to Claire and kneeled down. The girl noticed her but continued with the story she was telling. She was quiet a hand-full, Castle thought. Very vivid. She hadn't been like that when they were still trying to find her mom. In retrospect Castle recognized it as distress.

"Claire, baby, come here" Kate said in a soft voice. Claire approached her mother who picked her up to cuddle her. But the girl wriggled free.

"Mommy" she protested. "I'm trying to tell a story here. It's not cuddle time. Put me down"

Castle caught the little flicker of disappointment in her eyes but after a second it was gone and Kate put her daughter down and chuckled as she ran back to Alexis and continued to tell her story. Something about a princess in space. Kate really didn't know where she got her imagination from. Not from her. And definitely not from Josh.

She felt a presence beside her and looked over. Castle was standing close. But not so close as he would invading her personal space.

"They don't always want to cuddle when we would want them to, do they?" he said sympathetic and Kate's cheeks flushed in embarrassment that he had caught her need to feel close to her baby girl.

She hid behind her hair and shook her head.

"Well, I know that feeling" He told her and the smile he gave her was warm. Strangely it made her feel better. Something about his presence was very calming.

But before she could think about the warm feeling that spread through her when he smiled at her she caught sight of Josh entering the bullpen and looking for her.

"Claire?" she called and the girl looked up. Slightly annoyed that her mother was interrupting her story again. "I have to take care of something for an hour tops. Are you okay to stay with your uncles for a while?"

"Yes mommy" the girl rolled her eyes as if the question itself was ridiculous. Kate shook her head at her daughter's antics. Then she turned to Castle.

"You don't have to wait for me. You probably have something better to do than waste your whole day at a precinct and after you already spent so much time…"

Castle interrupted her.

"I don't have anything better to do. And I don't think that Alexis is keen on being separated from her best friend in the world. I'm waiting." He grinned "go kick your boyfriend's ass"

Kate grimaced "you can bet on it"

When she stepped out into the bullpen all her fury came rushing in again as she saw Josh standing there, glancing impatiently at his watch. Like he had nothing to worry about. Like he didn't just leave his daughter with a stranger in a park.

"This way" she instructed and walked just past him towards interrogation room 2. Very fitting, she thought.

Josh was smart enough to keep quiet until she closed the door behind them and made him sit in the chair that was normally reserved for the suspects. Also very fitting.

"Kate, I really don't know what's so important that it couldn't wait until tonight" Josh half stated, half asked.

Kate stared him down incredulous. "You don't know what's so important" she repeated. "How about the fact that you left our daughter in a park with a **stranger**?" she yelled the last word at him.

Josh flinched and had at least the decency to look slightly concerned. "She said he is her friend's father, A… A… Alice or something. Doesn't she have a friend named Alice? The one with the fat mother? Claire had had playdates with her. I remember you meeting them at the park a few weeks ago. I don't understand what this fuss is about"

"This **fuss **as you call it is about that the girls name isn't Alice! It's Alexis. And I don't know her or her parents. And neither do you! And you didn't even care to listen to Claire when she was trying to tell you that she just met her at the playground! This **fuss **is about you just leaving our daughter with a random stranger you didn't even know. And you never even checked if it was okay with him to leave our daughter with him. Do you know what could have happened if he hadn't been so humanitarian to figure out where I work to bring Claire here?" Her voice was growing louder and louder. She couldn't believe how little he cared. Claire was four! Four! You couldn't just do something like this to your Four-year-old daughter!

"So we have Claire back. What exactly is the problem here? She had a great time with a friend and now she is back. No reason to…"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kate yelled at him. "The problem is that this could have ended a lot worse and you don't even seem to care about your daughter. He could have called child services. They would have taken her in immediately. A father who just leaves his four-year-old daughter in a park? They wouldn't have thought twice about taking her with them. I could probably have quit my job if he would have called the police" Kate's eyes glinted with fury.

„Or worse! He could have been sitting there to watch children, to abduct them, to harm them, to kill them! You didn't know anything about him. He could have done who knows what to Claire!" Strangely Kate felt bad to even suggest that the nice man would have done anything to Claire, but she pushed the thought back. This wasn't about him. This was about that he could have been anybody.

"I asked him if he was the father of Claire's friend and he said yes. No big deal, Kate"

Kate clenched her hands in fists, her nails drawing blood out of her hands. She wanted to hit him. She wanted to beat some sense into him.

"Oh, well if he told you he was her father… no problem" her voice was tripping with sarcasm. "Maybe next time a murderer tells me he didn't do it I should just let him go because **he said he didn't do it!**"

"Look Kate, I get that you are angry." Josh tried to soothe her. But she only glared at him. Sure, now he got that she was angry! He didn't get a thing!

"I probably should have talked to him before I left Claire with him. But she is back now and everything is fine. So can we just forget this?"

Kate's jaw dropped with incredulity. Can they just forget…

"No! We can't just forget! Even if you thought that Alexis was a friend from school and that I knew her father you still should have called to check if it was okay to leave her with him. Or at least you should have called to tell me that you left her with them! But you didn't. And not once since you got here did you even ask how she is! You don't know if she is okay or if she is terrified or scared because you left her alone. You didn't even ask! Do you even care about her at all?" Kate yelled but her voice broke on the last word.

Tears threatened to fill her eyes. Kate willed them back. _Not now. Not now. Not now. _

"Of course I care about her" Josh defended himself, but with way to little emotion in his voice for Kate's taste. "I just don't make her the center of my life like you do."

_Not now. Not now. Stay back, tears. Just a while longer. We are almost finished here. Don't let him see you fall, tears. He doesn't deserve it. Stay back, tears. _

"You don't make her the center of your life" Kate stated. Her voice now quiet but no less intimidating. There was a hard edge to it. "Well, news flash, Josh: As a parent you are supposed to make your child the center of your life. But you know what, you don't have to do that any longer. I'm breaking up with you. Neither Claire nor I need you in our life. You can pick up your stuff tomorrow. We are done."

Josh looked kind of surprised, but not like he was going to fight for their relationship. "Don't you think you are overreacting here, babe?"

"Don't call me that" Kate gritted out. "We are done. I'm breaking up with you. We can talk about details tomorrow."

Then she walked out without another word. Tears were already clouding her vision when she walked past the break room towards the bathroom.

Once she had locked the door behind her she sank down and started to cry into her knees. First quietly but soon she couldn't hold in the sobs anymore. She really hated crying. But she knew she would have had to at some point. She almost thought it was better to cry here in the precinct bathroom than in front of Claire. And she really couldn't have held the tears in even a minute longer. At least her little girl was fine and having fun with her uncles and Alexis and Richard Castle.

Or not him. Because there was a knock on the bathroom door and she heard his voice. He quietly called out for her.

"Kate?" he asked and his voice sounded honestly concerned.


	6. Chapter 6

Espo had watched Kate exiting the interrogation room with fast steps, her head held low. He'd watched as Castle had excused himself to him, Ryan and the girls and followed Kate into the direction of the ladies bathroom. He'd also watched uncle Kevin get a game of _Go fish _to play with the girls. And then he watched that asshole Josh exiting the interrogation room, heading for the elevator.

„I'm gonna get some fresh air" Espo said to his partner. Ryan looked up from the game he was playing with Claire and Alexis and immediately noticed the fury in his eyes. He looked around and caught sight of Josh in the elevator before the doors closed.

„I don't think that's a good idea, Javi" Ryan said, he immediately knew what his partner was about to do. But he didn't think it was their place to act. Sure he was angry at Josh too but he was confident that Kate had ripped him apart already.

„Yeah, I don't care" Espo said and went to the door.

Ryan sighed, he knew he could do nothing to change his partners mind. „Just don't do anything too stupid, Javi"

„It's your turn uncle Kev" Claire said and distracted Ryan for a moment. Espo quickly slipped out of the break room and headed for the stairs which he ran down to catch up with the elevator.

He reached the ground floor right in time to grab Josh's shirt the moment the doors of the elevator opened. He shoved him into a quiet corner, not wanting anyone to witness their little chat.

Espo glared at the tall man. His fist was under Josh's chin. „Listen jackass. Kate may have been gentle with you but I'm not gonna be" he threatened quietly.

Josh's eyes were wide but he didn't try to yell for help or break free. He didn't say anything either. He wasn't that dumb.

„You know, Claire is like the precinct's baby. Everybody here loves her. Every single person here would give their own life to protect hers. EVERY SINGLE PERSON. So be a smart boy and don't hurt her again. Because next time I'm gonna kill you and I guarantee you that I'm not going to jail for it. Because it will be written down as an accident. Are we clear?" Espo asked, his fist shoving him further against the wall behind him. Josh couldn't breath but he nodded.

„Yes" he rasped and Espo took his fist back.

„Good" he said and then he hit him with his fist. The hit came unexpected and Josh stumbled against the wall. His hand went to his left eye.

„Take that as a reminder" Espo said again and then walked back towards the stairs to go back up to the homicide floor.

O-o-o-o-o

"Oh, um, sorry, detective?" Rick corrected himself. Obviously considering if she maybe wasn't comfortable with him using her first name.

„Detective Beckett?" he tried when she still didn't answer.

"or just Beckett?"

"Miss Beckett?" Then there was a pause in which he probably considered what to try next.

"Claire's mom?" He asked hesitantly with a hint of humor in his voice.

Kate actually chuckled despite her still flowing tears. It sounded more like a choke than a laugh. But it was closer to laughing than she would have thought she'd come today.

"Was that a laugh?" Castle asked through the door and Kate couldn't help but smile a little.

"Um, so none of the above? Maybe Katherine?"

Kate grimaced but kept quiet. Castle of course couldn't see it.

"Um… Houghton?" Ugg, where did he know her middle name from?

"Katherine Houghton?" he tried.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett?"

Then there was a pause.

"I think I ran out of ideas" he said and she chuckled again. "A little clue as to what to call you would be really nice, you know?"

Kate shook her head. He was kind of adorable. She didn't know why he even cared about her. It wasn't like he did know her. He should probably be annoyed that he had had to watch her daughter the whole afternoon. But there he was, standing in front of the bathroom she had locked herself in to cry about her break-up.

Surprising herself Kate tiptoed to the door, ignoring the mirror on purpose. She would only change her mind if she saw the traces of her make-up all over her face.

She unlocked and opened the door and then turned immediately to take her previous place on the floor again. She pulled her knees to her chest.

"You can call me Kate" she told him but didn't look up from her knees.

He quietly closed the door behind him and locked it again. Then he walked over to her and sat down beside her. Careful to leave her some space.

"Yes. Of course. Kate. The first thought is almost always right. I'm Rick by the way."

Kate nodded and then they both fell quiet for a while. The amusement Kate had felt over Rick's antics faded off and soon the tears started to fall again. To her own surprise she didn't care Rick seeing her cry. Normally she hated when other people saw her cry, strangers, friends and family alike. She hated it even more when they tried to comfort her. She didn't really understand why she didn't mind right now that he saw her cry. Maybe it was because of the little something she'd seen in his eyes earlier. The something that made her think that he'd been in her place once.

He didn't make any attempt to touch her either which she appreciated very much. He just sat there, looked around the room and just kept quiet. She was grateful that he didn't touch her because she really really hated to be touched when she was crying. She knew it was meant to comfort but it made her lose all of her control and there wasn't a person in the world she felt comfortable doing that with.

How was she going to tell Claire that her daddy was moving out? How did she explain that they broke up? How was she going to manage being a single mother? This was going to be so difficult. With her job and all she depended on Josh taking turns with her to care for Claire. But look how that had turned out. How could he care so little? She was his daughter. She should be what he loved most in this world. She should be more important than his work.

Claire would be so devastated. Of course she loved her daddy and she was going to miss him. She wouldn't really understand why he wasn't going to be there anymore. Maybe she'd even blame her mother. Kate didn't want to be blamed for his faults. But she wouldn't talk badly about Josh in front of Claire either. He still was her dad and she still loved him. Kate didn't want Claire to feel like she had to hate him in order to be loved by her.

But how was she going to explain this? She'd screw it up. She would totally screw it up and then Claire would be terribly unhappy, thinking she was unloved by both her parents.

"I don't know if it is any comfort to you but Alexis' mother isn't any better than Claire's father" Rick broke into her thoughts after what felt like hours. She'd been so entangled in her thoughts she'd totally forgotten that he was even here.

Kate snorted. "How could she be worse than Josh?" She couldn't help but feel a little bitterness.

"I didn't say _worse_, I said _not better_" Castle corrected her.

"Still" Kate argued, knowing that she was being bitter right now but she couldn't help it. "If she didn't leave Alexis with a stranger in a park I don't know how she could compete with Josh"

"Hm." Rick made and they fell into a strangely comfortable silence again in which both of them thought their own dark thoughts.

"Want to hear the story?" Rick said after a while and found himself surprised that he offered to tell her this. He didn't really like talking about the messiness of his private life. But then again, Kate didn't seem to be the type to run off to the press and tell them about it. And there was just something about her that he found immensely fascinating.

"You don't have to tell me" Despite her words Rick could see that she was curious. And her tears had stopped running down her face. Her breathing was almost back to normal too. There were no deep sighs and suppressed sobs any more.

"I want to" he said. Then he made a pause to collect his thoughts before he started. "I was on a book tour. It was supposed to be four days. But since it was my first one without Alexis I missed her so much that I ended it after the third day and flew back earlier then I had originally planned. When I got home at 2 am the first thing I heard was Alexis crying in her room. I ran upstairs to comfort her. It took me a long time to find out what was wrong. But when I did…" he stopped for a moment. „She thought her mother had been murdered."

At this point Kate gasped and looked at him with wide eyes, entangled in the story.

"She had heard Meredith scream after a man had come to the loft. And since Meredith wouldn't come looking for her the next 12 hours Alexis assumed she had been murdered like the people in my books."

After that Rick fell silent, thinking his own dark thoughts.

"What had happened?" Kate asked, too curious to care about prying.

"Meredith's screams…" Rick pressed out. Thinking about it still hurt like hell. "They weren't from pain"

"She cheated on you" Kate concluded. It wasn't a question. Rick nodded once nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, Rick" Kate said compassionately.

"I just wish she could have done so quietly. Alexis was so scared. And Meredith didn't even check on her for over 12 hours!"

They fell silent again.

"I guess I was wrong" Kate said after a while. Now trying to smile. It really was time to collect herself and look what her daughter was doing. "Meredith obviously can compete with Josh"

Rick let out a pained laugh. "Told you so"

Kate's heart stopped for a beat at his use of _this _sentence. Her mother's favorite line. But she found that out of his mouth it didn't bother her so much as it used to. For a moment she wondered why that could be but she shoved the thought to the back of her mind. Now really wasn't the time to think about it.

They smiled at each other for a few moments until Rick grinned a little mischievously.

"I picked this out of your desk drawer. It looked like a make-up bag. I thought you could use it. And I've been right. You really could use it, you little panda bear." Rick hold up the little purple bag and grinned teasingly, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Kate felt her cheeks flush. She hadn't thought about her appearance since the moment Rick sat down beside her. She probably looked worse than a panda bear. But Rick hadn't seemed to mind. He hadn't stared at the remnants of her make-up on her face. She had totally forgotten about her appearance because he hadn't made the impression like he cared.

"Thanks" Kate muttered and grabbed the bag from his hands. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. That probably didn't make it any better.

"You're welcome" his smile was honest, his eyes warm. "I just thought you might want to reapply your make-up before you face all your male-colleagues again"

Kate stared at him. That was very thoughtful of him and sweet. She didn't know if any guy had ever done something this sweet for her. And she barely knew him.

"Yeah. Thanks"

Before Kate could walk over to the mirror and start cleaning her face, there was a knock on the door.

"Yo Beckett" Espo called. "Ryan and I want to go home. So if you please could stop making out with Castle and take your child that would be great."

Kate's cheeks flushed the deepest of red. Rick thought it was adorable. He chuckled.

"Stop laughing" Kate rolled her eyes.

"Very funny, Espo" she said sarcastically but shooed Rick out so she could get her make-up done faster. As good of a friend as Espo was she didn't need him to see her like this. Rick was totally right about male-colleagues. If she came out of here looking like that she wouldn't hear the end of it.

O-o-o-o-o

Five minutes later Kate emerged from the bathroom and once again found Rick reading to Claire and Alexis. The girls were hanging on his lips and he was so focused on them and the book that he didn't even notice her. It was heart melting. She stopped to watch them. Listening to his reading. He was a very good story teller and though it was only a children's book and not that exciting she found herself drawn in by the story just because of his reading voice.

How could it be that she found herself immediately comforted by hearing his melodic voice? It was like every word that left him was soothing her heartache just a tiny little bit. Just like every book of his had done after her mother's death. It was just something about this man's words.

The spell was broken when someone jostled against her. Kate shook herself out of this strange state of admiration. She really shouldn't stare at him like this in the middle of the bullpen. Her colleagues would be mocking her like crazy when they noticed and she really didn't need this right now. Or ever.

But he was her favorite author and she couldn't help but feel a little awe-struck. Now that the adrenaline from her fight with Josh had subsided, it came crashing into her that she has met bestselling-author Richard Castle. In person. And not just for half a minute at a book-signing. No. Richard Castle was sitting on her chair in the precinct and reading to her little girl who was apparently now best friends with his daughter. After he'd sat with her through her crying session in the precinct bathroom. Life felt very surreal.

"Can we read another book, daddy?" Alexis asked and shook Kate out of her thoughts again. This time she walked the last steps towards them.

"This was the last one" Claire said regretfully. "I don't have any more books here. They are all at home."

Then she looked around and saw her mother. She sprang from Castle's lap and ran to her. Rick stood up with Alexis in his arms and approached her too, a soft smile on his lips.

"Mommy, can Alexis and Mr Castle go home with us now? We want to read more books. But we already read all of the ones I have here and rereading is boring" she said in a rush. She was talking in a rush most of the time. She got easily excited and it always showed in her voice. Kate found it adorable. But it was kind of hard to follow her and Josh hadn't bothered to try to do so most of the time. Ugh… Josh.

"And mommy?" Claire stared at her with wide sparkling eyes, full of joy. Kate immediately smiled back.

"Yes Claire?" she asked grinning.

"Mr Castle has the best reading voice EVER." Kate silently agreed with that. „It's like watching a movie in your head. He can do all these funny voices. He can speak like a princess or like an animal or like an old lady or like a dragon. And it's so funny. Please can he read more books to me and Alexis?"

Kate was a little overwhelmed by her daughter's excitement over Richard Castle. Not that she could blame her. He was her favorite author after all. But it was kind of difficult to tell her that this probably wouldn't be possible. She doubted that they would see each other all too often after today.

Claire was looking up at her mother with big pleading eyes. Kate inwardly sighed. This would probably end in a tantrum.

"Sweetie, Mr Castle and Alexis can't come home with us. It's already pretty late and almost time for bed. And they probably have things to do themselves. But I can read to you when we get home, baby"

The corners of Claire's mouth turned further down with every word her mother was saying. And now her eyes were full of frustrated tears, glimmering furiously. She was on the edge of a tantrum. Great, Kate thought. Exactly what she needed right now.

"You can't read like Mr Castle, mommy! You are doing it all wrong! And I want to play with my best friend in the world!" Her voice was raised but she wasn't screaming yet. She pointed at Alexis. The girl shifted uncomfortably, looking between Kate and Claire while holding her dad's hand. Kate intentionally didn't look at Rick.

She kneeled down in front of Claire to be on her eye level. "Claire, I understand that you want to play with your friend some more but it's already pretty late and we still need to grab something to eat. And then we need to go home pretty fast because you have school tomorrow. But maybe we can schedule a play date with Alexis soon."

Rick coughed slightly. Kate looked up at him. He looked somewhat sheepish.  
"We haven't eaten yet either" he stated but didn't suggest that they got dinner together since he didn't want to get the idea in Claire's head if that wasn't what Kate wanted.

Kate contemplated his hidden suggestion for a second. On one side she didn't want to bother him, especially after he had already taken care of her daughter the whole afternoon and gone to the trouble of finding her. On the other side she was really excited about meeting her favorite author and getting to know him better. Plus it would satisfy Claire, at least for tonight.

She gave him a small secret smile and nodded slightly.

"Well, if that's the case…" Kate started and smiled at her daughter conspiratorially. "Why don't we show Mr Castle and Alexis our most favorite burger restaurant? If that's okay with them?" Rick nodded when Kate looked up at him questionably.

"Yeah!" Claire cheered and wanted to run to the elevator.

Kate held her back. "Claire wait" she said, taking her daughter's hands in hers and making sure that Claire looked into her eyes. "If we do this, you promise me that we will go home after dinner without arguing."

"Yes mommy. I promise. But we can have a play date soon?" She asked.

"If that's okay with them, sure." Kate agreed and let go of Claire's hands, confident that they'd be able to go home without any tantrums tonight.

"Let's go to Remy's!" Claire shouted and ran to the elevator, calling for Alexis to join her. The girl looked up to her father questionably and waited for his nod before she followed Claire.

Rick fell into step with Kate when they walked towards their enthusiastic kids.

"Sorry" Kate started. "You probably had other plans today." She was feeling kind of guilty about stealing best-selling Richard Castle's time again.

"Nope" he disagreed. "The only plan I had today was make my daughter happy. And now look at her" Kate did and saw Alexis and Claire giggling over who knows what. Yeah. Alexis looked happy. And so did Claire. Kate hasn't ever seen her this comfortable with another child. Not that Claire had no friends but most of them didn't seem to be able to keep up with her. Alexis appeared to be able to do that, even while she seemed to be a little shy in comparison with Claire.

"Besides" Rick added grinning. "I remember someone telling me she owed me because I returned her child to her"

Kate let out a laugh. He was cute. She had planned to pay for dinner anyway. So it fitted perfectly into her plan.


	7. Chapter 7

_I love reading your reviews. Thank you for leaving them. _

_I rewrote this chapter (not all of it, but some) since I wasn't really happy with it before and took some of your suggestions into account. Thank you for leaving reviews containing constructive criticism. _

O-o-o-o-o

Conversations with Rick were easy. Kate found that she enjoyed talking to him immensely. In spite of his fame he was very grounded. And very funny. Kate couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much. And he didn't even try. It was just that he always surprised her. She never expected the things he said next. The best part was that he made her forget about Josh and about all the problems she would have to face now that she was a single mother.

And they were quite talking the same language where raising their daughters was concerned. This was something very new for Kate since she had never before connected with any parent of Claire's friends.

Most of Claire's friends moms were stay-at-home-moms who's main topics were how to make the best carb-less meals, which hobby was the trendiest for their kids to learn next or when they would get their next manicure. Kate found them boring and overprotective. They wouldn't even let their kids climb in the jungle gym without calling out words of warning for them to be careful, causing their kids to not being able to trust in their own capabilities. They didn't allow their kids to have any sugar at all which Kate found ridiculous. Not that she gave Claire as many sweets as she wanted but of course she was allowed to indulge in them sometimes.

It wasn't like Kate had a problem with stay-at-home-moms or that she thought they were all shallow or overprotective or something like that. She'd probably just not met the right ones. She even could understand the appeal of staying at home with your kids. But her career had always been important to her. And it still was. It wasn't the most important thing anymore but she still wanted to do her job.

And she did think stay-at-home-moms were just living another life. They didn't need to think about how to balance work and family which was Kate's main challenge in life and therefore ever on the forefront of her mind. Kate had just never fitted in in the conversations the other moms at the playground were having.

She hadn't met that many fathers at the playground and if so they were mostly focused on their kids, joking around with them or being a little over-challenged with watching their kids and having friendly conversations with other parents.

And not even she and Josh had been in agreement with each other most of the time. Mostly because Josh just hadn't cared about most things.

So it was very nice to talk to Rick about their kids and just agree in the simplest of things, like letting their daughter's choose their own outfits because it would hurt no one if their pants didn't match their shirts. Kate thought it was important for Claire to learn some independence and choosing her clothes was something she could do by herself as long as she dressed weather-appropriate. The other moms at the playground had given her derogatory looks when Claire had chosen something that really didn't go well together. It was very nice to hear that Rick let Alexis do the same. His daughter though often asked about his opinion about her outfit, something Claire would never do. Her daughter loved every little independence she was granted and wouldn't give it up for anything. Sometimes she resembled Kate just a little too much for her taste.

„Meredith is one of those mothers too" Rick said when Kate told him about the judging she got from the other mothers. „When she was there in the mornings she loved picking out Alexis' outfit. And I think Alexis valued what little time her mother spent with her so she never protested about anything Meredith picked out. When I let her dress herself she usually asked if it looked good together because when Meredith came home and Alexis would wear something that didn't match she'd tell her so and Alexis would think her mom was disappointed in her and of course she didn't want that."

„That's terrible" Kate said. „At least Josh never cared about that. I don't think he even noticed."

Before she could think too much about her ex again Kate quickly changed the topic. She really didn't want to think about him. She was having a good time right now. And she wanted that to stay this way as long as possible. She'd soon enough have to deal with all her dark thoughts about Josh.

When dessert arrived Kate was laughing again about a funny story Rick had told about him embarrassing himself in braiding-class (a workshop he attended to learn how to braid Alexis' hair). Their chocolate cakes were placed in front of them. Claire squealed in delight and Kate smiled. They looked delicious and chocolate was something Kate could really use today. After they'd finished their burgers Rick had insisted that they got dessert and Claire had been on his side immediately. Alexis though had reminded him that too much sugar before bed wasn't good. Kate couldn't stop laughing about his pout. Kate had agreed with Alexis of course but had ordered dessert for Claire and herself nonetheless, deciding they really deserved some chocolate after today.

Just as Kate had finished her cake and put her fork down her phone rang. She picked it up without checking the caller's ID.

"Beckett" she said.

"Hey Beckett. A body dropped. I'll text you the address" Montgomery told her over the phone.

Kate's eyes grew wide as she looked over to Claire. "I'm on call tonight" she said. It wasn't a question but she had totally forgotten about it and was just now remembering.

"Yes, you are" Montgomery said. "And I understand that today was stressful for you but Ryan and Esposito already had a twenty-four hour shift and…" Kate interrupted him, knowing that there was no way she could and would expect Ryan or Espo to cover for her tonight. They had to deal with a very urgent case all day yesterday and last night and had to wrap it up today. They definitely deserved a break and probably needed to catch up on some sleep.

"No. Yes, sir. They have tonight off. I just need to find someone who can watch over Claire tonight. I'll be at the crime scene as fast as I can."

Then they ended the call and Kate ran her fingers through her hair. Where was Claire supposed to be tonight? In all the excitement she'd totally forgotten that she was on call tonight and wasn't even supposed to see her daughter tonight. Josh was on shift tonight too so she'd arranged for someone else to watch Claire until morning when she'd pick her up to take her home, have some breakfast, play a little and then take her to preschool. They'd always tried to not let Claire sleep out of home too often. Even Josh had agreed that it would definitely be better for Claire if one of them would be there for her in the evening and at night.

But who was supposed to watch Claire tonight?

Oh right. The plan had been that Josh picked her up from preschool, spent the afternoon with her and took her to Lanie right before his shift.

"Sorry. I've got to call someone" Kate apologized to Rick while she pulled up Lanie's number on her phone. While doing so she noticed the address Montgomery had sent her but ignored it for now.

"Hey Lanie. It's Kate" she greeted her friend when the line connected.

"Hey girl. What's up?"

"Can I bring Claire by in the next 15 minutes?" Kate asked.

"Um… I called Josh when he didn't show up with her two hours ago. He said that there had been a change in plans and that she was with you. I thought about double-checking with you but then I thought that if Josh said she was with you the two of you surely changed your plans. So I decided that I'd get an early start on my vacation. You know I'm off for the next few days to visit my parents. I hit the road about one and a half hours ago."

Kate let out a frustrated breath. Great. What was she doing with Claire now? She couldn't take her to the crime scene for obvious reasons. Plus it was late. Even if she only would have needed to go to the precinct it would still be bedtime for Claire.

"Why? What's up?" Lanie asked.

"Change of plans" Kate huffed. „Sure. You could say that. There was a development, yes. But I can't go into detail now. I'll call you tomorrow maybe" she really didn't want to talk about the hell of her afternoon right now. She didn't have time now either. „Enjoy your trip" Kate added honestly.

"Sure, okay, tomorrow" Lanie agreed despite the fact that Kate could hear questions in the tone of her voice. But since she'd promised to talk tomorrow Lanie didn't press right now.

"Bye Lanie" Kate ended the call and pushed a lock of her hair out of her face, sighing.

"What's wrong, mommy?" Claire asked. She'd been busy eating her cake but now that she was finished she'd picked up on her mother's stressed tone of voice.

"Nothing baby, I just need to find someone to watch you tonight. And daddy, Lanie, Ryan and Espo are not available tonight" she explained.

"What about Mrs Rodriguez?" Claire suggested. The woman was their neighbor next door and sometimes watched Claire when Kate couldn't find someone else.

Kate shook her head. "She is visiting her family in Mexico, remember?"

"What about grandpa?" Claire asked.

Kate's eyes clouded with her daughter's question. How much she wished that she could depend on her father to be there for Claire at any time. But he was still struggling with alcoholism and Kate never knew what state he would be in when she called him. Sometimes he was sober and then he wouldn't start drinking while he was with Claire and they had a great time. But just as often his words were slurred and Kate always felt frustrated and disappointed for the next few days.

But she didn't have any other options anymore so she pulled her father's contact up.

"We'll see" Kate said and hit call. It took a while until the line connected. Claire looked at her expectantly, Rick with a curious expression and something in it that she couldn't read. Alexis didn't seem to have caught up on what was going on and looked between the other's a little confused.

„Hello?" came Jim Beckett's voice through the phone. The fact that it had taken so long for him to pick up and that he hadn't checked the caller's ID weren't good signs. But Kate held on to hope for now.

"Hey dad. It's Kate. How are you doing?"

"Great" he called way too loudly and Kate closed her eyes for a moment, fighting back her disappointment once again. "Whaaasuuuuup?" he asked cheerfully and Kate willed her upcoming tears of frustration back. She turned away a little so Claire couldn't see her expression.

So he'd been drinking again. Something in Kate crashed every time she had to be witness to his drunken state. An instant wave of disappointment went through her and sent unwelcome tears to her eyes. She swallowed them down. She always tried to not get her hopes up again but it just didn't work. She always hoped and most times got her hopes crushed.

She intentionally didn't look at anybody at the table, not Rick and not the girls either. She fought hard to school her features but after all that had happened today she was afraid that she wasn't doing a good job at it. But she really didn't want Claire to see her like this, so empty of hope and full of disappointment.

"Nothing" she responded. She needed to end the phone call as fast as possible. The disappointment was evident in her voice. But her dad wouldn't even catch it in this state. Which was a pity because Kate really wanted him to feel guilty right now. She knew that was very self-centered and bitter of her but that was just the way she felt right now. "I just would have needed you to watch Claire tonight. But I don't think tonight is a good time. Bye dad"

Kate looked up from her phone and started another effort to pull up a brave face for her daughter but she saw that Rick was distracting her and Alexis by telling them a short story. All the while he was throwing concerned glances her way. Again Kate was amazed by his observations skills and thoughtfulness and took the moment he was giving her to collect herself.

She massaged her forehead, soothing the upcoming headache with the press of her fingers. This being a single-parent thing started off great. Not.

Rick told the girls to imagine how his story could continue and turned to her again when they were deep in conversation.

"You know, Claire could stay with us a little longer. If you don't find someone else to watch her" he offered. „I mean, if you don't want to that's completely okay. I would totally understand. We don't really know each other and I'd understand if you didn't trust me yet. But the offer stands if you want to take it."

Kate hesitated. On one hand she didn't have anyone else to watch Claire. On the other hand they'd just met today and her brain told her that she shouldn't trust him after only knowing him for a few hours.

Rick noticed her hesitation.

„We could even stay here. It's Alexis' bedtime soon but I guess it wouldn't be that bad if we prolonged it" he suggested. „Or Claire could come to our place and you pick her up as soon as you finished your job." He pulled something from his pocket. „That's my card, by the way." He handed her the piece of paper.

Kate bit her lip. It was very nice of him to offer to watch Claire. But both, the cop and the mother in her told her that she shouldn't trust him, no matter how nice he seemed or how good they connected.

Kate looked over to Claire and saw Alexis yawning. She recognized the tiredness in her daughter's eyes too. She could ask him to accompany her to the crime scene and wait with the kids in the car or ask him to wait at the station. But that would be totally boring for them and on top of their tiredness Kate couldn't see that going well. She didn't know how Alexis reacted to tiredness but Claire tended to get tantrums or start crying about the most ridiculous of things. Which was why Kate tried to strictly keep the bedtime constant or at least have her home at the time.

Kate sighed. What was she going to do? She fumbled with the paper in her hands and looked down at it. Something about the address looked familiar. Kate looked at it more closely, then pulled her phone up again.

„Wait" she suddenly said. „That's your address?"

„Yeah, why?" he responded a little confused.

„Because my crime scene is in the same street" Kate said. This was making things easier. All in all she would probably need about an hour at the scene. She'd be able to pick Claire up at his place in no time.

„Then let's pay and catch a cab" Rick said and immediately waved for the waitress. „We can wait in the cab or go up to our place. Or we can go to one of the little coffee shops that are in our street. However you feel the most comfortable. "

O-o-o-o-o

Kate instructed the officers to take the suspect to the holding cell. Normally she'd take his official statement right away. But she needed to pick up Claire. After contemplating for a few more minutes during their cab right she'd decided that going up to his place would be better than waiting in the cab or in a coffee shop. Both Claire and Alexis had been visibly tired. And Rick's contemplation of all options he could come up with to find one she was comfortable with made her trust him more. He'd watched Claire the whole afternoon already and had gone to the effort of finding her instead of calling child services. She felt like she could trust him with her daughter for another hour. So she'd given him her card too so he could call if anything was wrong and headed for her crime scene while they went into the building next door.

Thankfully the case turned out to be very easy. She hadn't been at the crime scene for more than five minutes when the husband of the victim turned up, crying guiltily. He'd stabbed his wife with a kitchen knife during a fight, had fled the crime scene but had come back, driven by guilt. He'd confessed to the murder, showed them where he'd tried to get rid of the murder weapon and that'd been that.

Now he was on his way to the precinct where he would be put into a holding cell until tomorrow morning when either Ryan or Espo would interview him and take his official confession. After it had been clear how this case was going to go Kate had called Montgomery again to ask for a day off tomorrow. She really needed time to just breath a little and spent time with her daughter. Today had just been way too much for one day.

When Kate came into the building where Richard Castle lived in the doorman asked her for her identity card before he checked with his notes and let her go upstairs. Obviously Castle had told him that he expected her and told him to let her up. She could have gotten up there with her badge anyway but it was nice to know that he'd notified the doorman of her arrival.

Once she was upstairs she knocked and didn't have to wait long before the door was opened.

„Hey Kate" he said quietly. „Come on in. But quiet. The girls are asleep."

She nodded and followed him into his very spacious loft. He lead her to the living room where both Claire and Alexis where sprawled out on the couch, fast asleep. A blanket was placed above them, big enough to keep them both warm.

„Claire hit her toe on the coffee table and cried and wouldn't stop" Rick explained. „I figured she might be tired and asked them if they wanted me to tell them a story. I didn't even got five sentences into the story before she fell asleep, Alexis following soon after."

Kate looked at her sleeping daughter while he spoke. Despite the fact that she'd decided to trust him she'd been anxious to get back to her daughter. Seeing her peacefully asleep brought a wash of relaxation and calmness over her.

„Thanks for watching her. You're a lifesaver" Kate said quietly, sincerely.

„Don't worry about it. I'm glad I could help" Rick told her with a smile. „Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Wine? Beer? Water? Anything else? Or do you want to just grab Claire and go?"

Kate thought for a second. She could use a coffee. Now that she thought about it she hadn't even had the time today to have coffee. She always had time for coffee.

„A coffee please" she said.

„A coffee, coming right up. How do you take it?"

She told him and he went to the kitchen and started the machine. Kate followed him, keeping her daughter in her line of vision thanks to the openness of his loft. She was laying on her side, her face to the back of the couch, her feet pointing towards Alexis' feet. Even from the distance Kate could see that her breathing was even. She was peacefully asleep. The sight calmed Kate. No matter how hard the day had been. As long as she got to see her daughter sleep peacefully she knew everything was going to be okay. Eventually.

A few minutes later Rick placed a perfectly brewed coffee in front of her, sitting down beside her with his own coffee. Kate turned towards him. She'd watched her daughter sleep the entire time he'd prepared their coffees.

„Thanks" she said, trying to smile but she knew it fell short. She was tired and exhausted and just stressed.

„You are welcome" he told her smiling. He then took a sip from his coffee. She did the same.

„Mh" she hummed. „Wow, this is good coffee." She didn't remember ever drinking coffee that was this delicious. It could be that her judgement was slightly off since she was totally coffee-deprived because she had her last one around noon but this was still good coffee.

Rick chuckled about her enthusiasm about coffee. „I know" he grinned. He loved his espresso machine. It had cost a fortune too. But it was definitely worth the money.

They didn't talk much while they sipped their coffees. Kate was grateful about it. She had liked talking to him earlier but right now she enjoyed the silence. He seemed to sense it and didn't say anything either. Plus they didn't want to make too much noice anyway since neither of them wanted to wake up the kids. So they just sat at the kitchen counter and sipped their coffees in comfortable silence.


	8. Chapter 8

_I rewrote chapter 7 a little. I know a lot of you liked it. But I didn't really. So I took some of the reviews of those who offered constructive criticism into account and rewrote parts of it. _

_I suggest you go back and read it again. Otherwise you'll be a little confused about this chapter. _

O-o-o-o-o

Rick walked down the stairs. He had just carried Alexis up and put her into bed. He figured one day of forgetting to brush her teeth wouldn't be that bad. They'd just have to be extra thorough tomorrow morning.

After they'd finished their coffees Kate had thanked him again for all he'd done for her that day and had picked her daughter from the couch, adjusted her on her arms and had carried her out. He'd called for his car service to safely take them home. Claire would be way more comfortable in the high back booster seat he'd ordered with the car than in the back of a cab.

Now that Kate and Claire were gone and Alexis was asleep he had nothing to occupy his mind with anymore. He could write but he just wasn't in the mood to dive into the world of Derrick Storm right now.

He found himself thinking about Kate. He hadn't allowed himself to think about her too much during the day but now all the admiration he had felt for her came crashing in.

She was gorgeous. She had those big beautiful interesting double-colored eyes. And her body… just…awesome. But not only her appearance had made an impression on him. She was smart too and a devoted mother. And she was kind of mysterious. There was something in her eyes that aroused interest in him, something hidden. Some sadness. He wanted to know her story. She was so strong but could be gentle too. And he actually felt honored that she had let him see her in a weak moment, had let him see her cry. He had the feeling that she normally held her emotions in check, especially in front of strangers.

And he had opened up to her too. That wasn't something he did easily. As much as he was pretending that his life was an open book he actually liked his private life to stay just that, private. But he had shared personal information with her. He had told her about his deepest hurt recently. Meredith's infidelity still left him feeling unworthy and incapable more times than not. He hadn't had anybody he could talk to about it despite his mother. He'd told her of course and she'd been angry at Meredith and had been sympathetic with him but he hadn't felt like she did really understand how deep it had hurt him. His mother was so incorrigibly optimistic and bounced back from every difficulty life threw at her so easily that he didn't think she could understand how much of a lasting effect Meredith's cheating had on his self-perception and self-confidence.

Kate hadn't done anything, hadn't said much when he'd told her but somehow he had felt comforted just by telling her. She'd seemed understanding, her demeanor had been empathetic, the way she'd listened so compassionately despite the fact that she had to have her own problems on the forefront of her mind had been beautiful to him.

She probably didn't know how much that short moment had meant to him but he hadn't felt so understood in his heartache ever since he'd caught Meredith cheating. She couldn't know but to him that moment had been curing. Not so much as he didn't feel any pain anymore. Of course not. But enough to let him believe that one day he'd overcome the hurt his wife's infidelity had inflicted over him.

He hoped they were going to see each other again. He hoped that they were able to give each other comfort. He hoped he could be of help for her to overcome the hurt of her family breaking apart as much as he hoped that spending time with her would do the same for him.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the messenger app.

**Hope you got home alright and are able to get a good night's sleep after the hell of a day you had. Sleep well, Kate. Goodnight. **

**Rick **

After he sent the text he went to his office and opened his laptop. He'd decided he'd write. He probably wouldn't produce anything he could use for his next Derrick Storm novel but his fingers itched with words he yet wasn't conscious of.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate woke up when she heard the door to Claire's room open. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand and sighed. Just after six. On a day off.

She listened to the tip-tap of Claire's naked feet on the hallway and closed her eyes when she saw the doorknob to her bedroom turn. There was no reason to show Claire that she was already awake. Maybe her daughter would just climb into bed with her and fall asleep again if she thought her mother was still sleeping. That way they could both catch another hour or so of sleep.

The bed dipped, the blanket was lifted and then a warm little body placed itself next to Kate.

„Mommy?" Claire whispered. „Are you awake?"

Kate adjusted herself a little, slung an arm over her daughter and buried her nose in the little girl's hair.

„No" she breathed back.

„Okay" Claire whispered and cuddled closer. Kate smiled into her daughter's hair. Yeah, she'd get to sleep a little longer.

Claire's body relaxed in no time, the little girl asleep again and Kate followed right away into the sweet numbness of sleep.

After what felt like five minutes though the little body in Kate's arms felt very much awake. Claire wasn't cuddly when she wasn't sleepy or sad and she shifted a lot. Kate felt her try to relax, try to let her mom sleep a little longer but she'd get impatient in a few minutes, Kate knew. Nonetheless she enjoyed that her daughter was being mindful of her and tried to be as patient as she could. So she waited but prepared herself mentally to get up.

„Mommy" Claire whispered again with a hint of impatience in her voice. „I'm awake" she stated, not caring to whisper anymore.

Kate opened her eyes to look at her daughter who was now sitting crosslegged on top of the covers.

„Okay" she said and looked at the watch again. Wow, they'd slept a little over an hour.

„I'm hungry" Claire complained.

„I'm getting, I'm getting up" Kate said and pushed the covers off. „What do you want for breakfast?"

„Cereal" Claire answered immediately.

„Will you ever eat anything else?" Kate asked chuckling. Her daughter's favorite breakfast had always been cereal which was great because it was so quickly done. Even if there were pancakes or waffles Claire would still eat cereal.

They were seated at the kitchen table, both with a bowl of cereal in front of them. Kate wasn't hungry at all but for the benefit of her daughter she was eating anyway. Having Claire had improved her eating habits very much. Even if she often only ate to be a good example for Claire. Emotional stress had always killed her hunger but she didn't want Claire to develop eating disorders so she made an effort to eat regularly.

„When's daddy getting home?" Claire asked and reminded her rather ungently about the conversations she still would have to have with Josh and then Claire.

„Still at the hospital" Kate replied. She wouldn't tell Claire about their break-up before she hadn't spoken to Josh again and cleared some terms. And anyway she thought he should be there. They should tell Claire together. Even if Kate really wasn't in the mood to see him or talk friendly with him she still thought it would be best for Claire.

„When's he getting home?" Claire asked.

„I don't know yet. I'll text him later and then tell you when I pick you up from preschool" Kate told her. Of course Claire would ask for her daddy. For her all things that happened yesterday were in the past. In Claire's recollection she'd just spent two hours in the company of her new best friend and her father and played a funny game to find her mommy. For Kate though it had been the last straw that broke the camel's back. She was done with Josh.

Telling Claire that her dad was gonna move out would break the little girl's heart which made Kate's heart clench together painfully. But she couldn't stay with Josh any longer. She hadn't loved him for a long time anymore, if she ever had. But she's stayed with him because she thought it was the best for Claire.

„Okay" Claire said. Then she took her empty bowl in her hands. „Are you finished too, mommy?" she asked, looking at her mother's equally empty bowl. Kate nodded. „Can _I _put them into the dishwasher?"

„Of course you can, my big girl" Kate said and let Claire carry their dishes to the dishwasher. She watched proudly as her daughter put the bowls on top of the counter, opened the dishwasher and carefully put the bowls inside.

„You can go get dressed now, Claire. Summer clothes. It's warm. And don't forget to put on clean underwear" Kate reminded her daughter. She tended to forget that sometimes.

„You too, mommy" Claire said and made her mother laugh with the comment.

„I'll try to remember" she responded.

Inside her bedroom Kate opened her wardrobe, ignored Josh's clothes and picked casual shorts and a t-shirt. When she was dressed she remembered that she hadn't checked her phone since last night and got it from the nightstand.

She brought it to live and saw that she had a message from Rick. She opened it and smiled when she read it. How sweet of him. She was just about to respond when Claire came into the room, dressed in yellow shorts and a blue t-shirt.

„Aren't you going to work today?" Claire asked when she saw her mom wearing casual clothes.

„No" Kate responded and then they put on their shoes, deciding to spent some time at the playground on the way to preschool since they still had time and it was a sunny warm day in June.

O-o-o-o-o

Now that Claire was at preschool Kate was at a loss of what to do. She desperately wanted to relax. She still felt so stressed. But nothing helped. Normally a bath and a book where sure to relax her but she'd tried that already and had remained restless.

She sighed. She probably wouldn't be able to relax until she'd spoken to Josh and cleared how they were going to tell Claire about their break-up. Kate wanted to make it the least painful it had to be for Claire.

She needed Claire to know that she definitely wasn't at fault. And that she was still very much loved by both her parents. Kate would make sure that Josh told her that too.

Kate pulled up Josh's contact on her phone and called. It rang a while until it went to voice mail. She told him to call her back and then hung up. In lack of anything better to do, Kate started putting Josh's things in bags. That way he wouldn't have to stay long.

Kate had just finished putting all his books into a box when her phone ringed. She checked the caller's ID.

„Hey Lanie" she greeted her best friend. Maybe she could help her put things into perspective.

„Hi" Lanie said back. „I talked to Javi. He told me you took the day off but nothing more. So what's wrong?"

„So much, Lane. So much" Kate sighed, flopping down on the couch. She looked at her watch. She still had a few hours until she needed to pick up Claire.

„Tell me" Lanie prompted. So Kate told her about Josh leaving Claire with a stranger in the park.

„I'm gonna rip him apart. I'm gonna take my scalpel and cut him into teeny tiny little pieces. And them I'm going to write it down as an accident" Lanie sweared.

„You do that" Kate agreed.

„What happened then?" Lanie asked after she'd described a few more ways how she'd make Josh die a painful death. „How did you get Claire back?"

„Oh you won't believe that part, Lanie" Kate told her and started to tell her about Richard Castle bringing her daughter back to her.

„Wow" Lanie said after Kate finished that part. „You met Richard freaking Castle. Your favorite author. Is he as hot in reality as he is on TV or on the back of his books?"

Kate blushed. Of course Lanie would ask that.

„He's handsome" Kate replied. She didn't really have the time or the energy to notice or appreciate that but her really was. Not that it mattered. „But he's nice too. Very thoughtful, devoted to his daughter, caring. A very kind man" Kate told her honestly.

„So you like like him?" Lanie asked and Kate could hear her smug grin.

„What?" Kate said. „No. Lanie, no. I just broke up with Josh yesterday. I really have neither the time nor the energy to like like anybody right now. I'm just glad that I finally managed to break up with Josh. You were right of course. I wasn't happy with him. I just didn't want to see it."

„Of course I was right" Lanie said and dropped the topic of Richard Castle for now. „So you broke up with Josh? How did that go? Did you at least slap him?"

„I didn't slap him. But I think I made pretty clear that we are over" Kate told her and went into detail about the things she'd said and the things he'd replied. Then she told Lanie about her hiding in the bathroom and how Rick had followed her.

„He followed you to the bathroom?" Lanie asked skeptically. „And you let him in?" Her tone was unbelieving.

„Well, he was kind of funny. I don't know. His antics cheered me up a little so I let him in" Kate tried to explain herself. Now that Lanie let her incredulity show, Kate became wondered about herself. „He opened up too. It was nice having someone to talk to who went through something almost similar" Kate exculpated herself.

Lanie on the other end of the line bit her lip to not point out that she in fact thought that Kate already was on the way to like like him. She knew her friend was in no place to see it right now though or deal with it, so she kept her observation to herself for now.

„Okay" she just said, accepting Kate's explanation for now. „What happened then?"

And Kate went on telling her about their impromptu dinner at Remy's and Montgomery's call.

„Oh Kate, I'm so sorry" Lanie apologized when Kate told her about her troubles finding someone to watch Claire. „If I had known I wouldn't have left early."

„It's okay. There was no reason for you to not believe Josh" Kate told her.

„Yeah well, I will never again believe anybody about anything concerning Claire without checking with you beforehand" Lanie told her vehemently. „What did you do then? Was your dad available?" she asked carefully. She knew that was a topic that was hard for Kate. Lanie didn't understand why Jim Beckett didn't get his shit together to be there for his daughter and granddaughter. But it was none of Lanie's business so she just tried to help her friend out wherever she could.

Kate sighed deeply. „I called him. But he was drunk as usual."

„So what did you do?" Lanie asked again.

„Rick offered to watch her" Kate said.

„You took that offer?" Lanie asked, trying very hard to keep the incredulity out of her voice.

„He lives next door to the crime scene so I took it. I mean he'd already watched Claire and returned her to me. But I felt a little anxious anyway. And a little like a hypocrite since I broke up with Josh for the exact same thing" Kate nibbled on her lip.

„You didn't do the same as Josh" Lanie disagreed immediately. „You got to know him beforehand. You did the best thing you could have done in your situation. And you thought about Claire while she was with him and hurried to get back to her. I bet Josh didn't think twice after leaving Claire in the park."

„Maybe" Kate said.

„And then?" Lanie asked.

„Wasn't that enough?" Kate asked rhetorically. „I went to pick up Claire and we went home. She's at preschool now and I'm trying to find the least terrible solution for telling Claire about our break-up. Advice would be highly appreciated by the way."

„Just tell him to never show his face again" Lanie said, only half kidding.

„I wish I could" Kate replied. „But you know I'm trying to do the best thing for Claire here. I don't think never seeing her father again is it."

„I know" Lanie said. „But are you even ready to talk to him?"

„I have to be" Kate sighed. „Claire already asked about him at breakfast. Plus I really want to just get it over with."

„So what do you want to do?" Lanie asked.

„I don't know" Kate sighed. „I want Claire to be able to see her father. But I want him to have time for her. To really do something with her when they are together. I don't want him thinking constantly about work when he should be watching Claire. And of course I don't want something like yesterday to ever happen again."

„But you still want him to spent time with Claire?" Lanie asked.

„Not really" Kate said but added „but yes, I want Claire to know her father and feel loved by him. If he just makes time once a month for her then so be it. But when he spends time with her I want him to really be there for her. To listen to her, to play with her, to just be invested."

„You think he would agree with that?" Lanie asked.

„I think so. I mean he is aware that he has to take responsibility for Claire. She's his daughter too. And we decided together to have her" Kate said. „And I know he loves her. Just not as much as his work"

„Then you'll just have to tell him what you just told me about wanting him to spend time with Claire but only when he takes the time to really be there for her" Lanie said. „Let him decide how often that should be. I know you'd want it to be at least once a week but if he just wants it to be once a month you'll have to agree with that"

Kate sighed. „I'd like it to be never. But that wouldn't be fair to Claire. For Claire I want it to be as often as possible."

„I know, honey, I know" Lanie said compassionately.

„I wish things wouldn't be so complicated" Kate sighed again. She'd lost count of how many times she'd done that today already.

Just when Lanie was about to reply, Kate's phone notified her of another incoming call.

She held the phone away from her ear to look at the display. She immediately felt a little nauseous when she saw the name. She ignored the feeling and held the phone back to her ear.

„I've got to hang up. Josh's calling" Kate told her. She really didn't want to talk to him. „Thanks for listening and asking the right questions, Lanie."

„Every time, girl. Talk to you later" Lanie replied.

Then they said goodbye and hung up. After another deep breath Kate accepted Josh's call.


	9. Chapter 9

_This chapter is a little longer than usual but I don't think anybody will be upset about that. I hope you enjoy it. And thanks for reading and reviewing. _

_O-o-o-o-o_

Kate anxiously awaited Josh's arrival. If he was on time he'd be here in a few minutes. Kate couldn't wait to get this conversation over with. Their conversation on the phone had gone surprisingly amicable, at least it hadn't contained any yelling. And Josh had agreed to all facts she'd presented to him.

„_You asked me to call" _

„_Yeah, we have to discuss how we are going to handle parenthood now that we're not together anymore" Kate went straight to business. _

„_I didn't think you would want me anywhere near Claire" Josh said. _

„_I don't" Kate said. „But that wouldn't be fair to Claire." _

„_Good" Josh said. „Because she's my daughter too. And I want to be able to see her." _

„_You'll get to see her. But I think it goes without saying that she's staying with me and you're going to move out" Kate said. The apartment had been hers anyway back when they met. _

„_Of course" Josh said. „I extended my time with Doctors Without Borders to full two months anyway. But when I'm back I want to see Claire." _

„_Of course you did" Kate said angrily but swallowed it down again, getting angry at him would just make things worse. She really didn't want to start a fight. „I want Claire to be able to see you. But when she does I want you to actually be there for her and not be at work with your thoughts. So it's on you to determine how often you can make time for your daughter. I'd be okay with once a week but if that's too much for you it can be every two weeks or once a month. Whatever. Just think about it" _

„_You know my schedule isn't always…" Josh started. _

„_I don't care anymore, okay?" Kate snapped. „I expect you to get into contact with me when you're back from your mission to negotiate when Claire gets to see you. And I expect you to call on her birthday. I swear, Josh, if you forget to call I'm gonna fly there and…" _

„_I won't forget, Kate" Josh interrupted a little annoyed. _

„_Better not" Kate huffed. „Anyway. When are you off work to come over here to pick up your stuff and tell your daughter that her parents are not gonna live together anymore?" _

„_I thought you were going to tell her that" Josh said a little awkwardly. _

_Kate bit her lip in anger. Of course he thought that. „We are going to do that together. And you are going to tell Claire that you still love her the same, no matter what's happening between us. You probably don't know that but young children tend to think they are at fault when their parents split up. So we'll behave like mature adults should and tell her together, making sure that she knows she's not at fault and that us splitting up doesn't change our feelings for her. Think you can do that?" Kate asked heatedly. _

„_Yes" _

„_And about money…" Kate started. _

„_I already set up a standing order, starting next month" Josh interrupted. _

„_Wow, well thanks, I guess" Kate said. „You're just glad you're out of all the daily obligations, are you?" _

„_Kate, you might not believe it but I actually care for Claire and for her well-being. I want her to get a good education without you having to worry about money" Josh said a little heatedly. _

„_Okay, okay. Sorry. I didn't want to start a fight" Kate huffed. „So when are you coming over?" _

Kate went to the kitchen to make herself a coffee. She didn't really want one right now. She'd already had two in the last half hour. But she needed something to occupy her mind with.

Claire was playing in her room. Kate could easily go there and join in in her playing but she didn't want her daughter to pick up on her nerves so she was glad she was occupied with her toys. She didn't think she could hide her nervousness anymore. It had been bugging her ever since their phone conversation yesterday morning and became almost unbearable now. She was just glad that Josh had made the time to come over today already. Since it was Saturday morning Kate would be able to spend time with Claire all weekend and comfort her before she had to go to preschool on Monday again.

She sighed with a mix of relief and anxiousness when there was finally Josh's knock on the front door. The first thing Kate noticed when she opened to let her ex in was the huge black eye. It was deep purple and swollen. Kate's eyes went wide. Just for a second it was hard to ignore the worry. She'd cared about him for a long time even if it had been only because of Claire in the past few months. Or years.

„What happened to your eye?" she asked.

Josh looked at her strangely. „Nothing" he brushed her of then. Well, she shrugged. She told herself she didn't care. It had probably been just karma for what he did at the play ground. Maybe some delirious patient had hit him or he'd gotten into a bar fight. Whatever. Kate didn't care.

„Well, you'll have to get ready to answer that question for Claire" Kate just stated. „And while we're on it: I'll do the talking. You just make sure that she knows that you love her and that you'll still spent time with her. Can you do that?" Kate instructed.

„Yeah" Josh agreed and Kate sighed in relief. Of course he didn't want to be the one who broke the news of their break-up to Claire. But since Kate didn't trust him to do it right anyway that was totally okay with her.

„Oh, and by the way I already told her about your mission last night. I thought it would be better if we don't drop everything on her at once" she told him.

And then Kate went to get Claire from her room. The girl was laying on the floor listening to a story being played in the radio.

„Can you come to the living room please? Mommy and daddy have to talk to you" Kate told her. Claire looked up and saw the serious look in her mother's eyes and immediately followed. Kate sat down on the couch were Josh was already sitting and patted the place between them. Claire hoped on the couch and looked expectantly at her mother.

„I will tell you something in a minute that you probably won't like, baby. But before I do we want you to know that we both love you very very much" Kate said and took a deep breath. This was even harder than she feared it would be. „You know that, right?"

Claire nodded but otherwise kept silent. She'd caught up on the somber mood her parents were in.

„Good. That's good" Kate told her, giving her a smile she didn't feel. Now for the hard part. Better just get it over with fast. „But mommy and daddy don't love _each other_ anymore and daddy is going to move out"

Claire's eyes grew wide in shock.

„Why?" she asked, her voice high-pitched.

„Because we fell out of love and don't want to see each other all the time anymore. But you'll get to see daddy as much as he's got time" Kate told her and shot Josh a meaningful look.

„Yes, mommy is right about that" Josh interjected. „You are my little princess. I love you. And I'll spent as much time with you as I can"

„But mommy said you're going to Africa for the whole summer" Claire said, confused.

„That's true but when I'm back we'll get ice cream together and go skating or do whatever you want" Josh told her.

„When do you go?" Claire asked, her voice quiet and so sad, it broke Kate's heart.

„When we are done talking" Josh said. „Or we can do something together before I go if you want to? Play or read if you'd like?"

At least he was making an effort to make this as easy as possible for their daughter, Kate thought. He wasn't a terrible father. She wouldn't have stayed with him this long if he were.

„No" Claire shook her head. Otherwise she sat tense and unmoving between them. „Don't wanna play"

„Then I'll just give you a hug and go" Josh suggested. Claire nodded and let him pick her up from the sofa. She leaned her head on his shoulder and squeezed him as tightly as she could.

„I love you, Claire" Josh told her once again and kissed the top of her head. Kate heaved a sigh of relief when she watched the scene. It reminded her that Josh wasn't a bad father in general. His priorities just lay elsewhere. Namely in his work. And of course there was the incredibly stupid and dangerous thing he'd done just because work had called.

Plus Kate couldn't help thinking that he probably felt like he was finally free from all his obligations family life had brought.

„Love you too, daddy" Claire said back on a broken whisper.

„I'll miss you but we'll see each other soon, okay?" Josh said. „Now you go to mommy." He handed her over to Kate who carried her to the front door where Josh took his bags. Claire didn't say anything anymore. She just buried her face against her mother's neck, hiding herself behind a curtain of long brown hair.

„Bye Claire" Josh said and then the door closed behind him.

Claire clung to Kate who was at a loss of what to do. She just walked back to the living room and sat down with her daughter in her arms. She gently stroked the girl's hair.

„What can I do to cheer you up, baby?" Kate asked after a while. She'd never seen her daughter this quiet.

„Cuddle" Claire sniffled.

„It's okay to cry, you know" Kate told her. Claire nodded. But no tears came. Kate supposed she was too much in shock to cry.

They sat there for a long time, just cuddling. Or sort of cuddling. Claire wasn't really cuddling right now, she was more like holding on for dear life. Her hands were clenched in tight fist in Kates shirt, he head pressed tightly against her chest. Her breathing was pressed and slightly irregular.

„Will you fall out of love with me too?" Claire asked quietly.

Kate gasped in shock.

„No. No. Never. Never, Claire" she immediately reassured her daughter. „Parents can not fall out of love for their children. That's not possible. I will love you forever and ever and ever. Always. Nothing's ever gonna change that"

„Okay" Claire said and then sighed unhappily. „Can we watch TV?"

Kate sighed in relief. Finally she wanted to do _something._ „Yes, yes, we can. We can even have some ice cream if you want."

O-o-o-o-o

„Thanks for watching Alexis tonight, mother" Richard told Martha. „I'll probably be late. So if you want you can just crush in one of the guest rooms. You don't have to stay up."

He was going to meet his writer buddies for poker. Martha was glad that he was going out. The last few times she'd seen her son he'd seemed way too depressed. At least today he appeared to be slightly better.

Martha was just about to reply when his phone chirped with an incoming text message. Richard pulled the device out of his pocket and smiled upon what he was reading. He unlocked his phone, typed something, hit send and then put the phone back in his jeans pocket.

„Who's texting you?" Martha asked, curious as ever.

„Just a friend" Richard replied but with a small smile. Martha guessed the friend was a woman.

„Care to tell me about this friend of yours?" Martha asked.

„She's the mother of one of Alexis' friends" Richard told her.

Oh.

„Is she single?" Martha inquired. She already could see this one getting messy if she wasn't single. Richard and a married woman? That couldn't go well. One of them would fall in love, causing heartbreak in its wake.

„What does that matter, mother? She's just a friend" Richard told her with a slightly annoyed look. „But yes, she's single" he added though.

„Are you interested in her?"

Richard groaned. „Can't I just be friends with a woman without you thinking that I want to have a relationship with her?" Martha arched an eyebrow. Not once in his life had Richard been just friends with a girl. Sure he'd started out being friends with some of them but either him or the girl had always fallen in love with the other. Most times it had been him, causing him heartbreak because the girls often wanted to stay friends or have a friends with benefits relationship which wasn't what her overly romantic son wanted.

„No, I'm not interested in her romantically. I just ended my marriage with Meredith. She just broke up with her boyfriend. We are just friends, mother" Richard told her.

„Okay" Martha relented, though she thought things weren't going to stay that way. She knew her son too well for that. She just hoped that when he started to fall in love with that woman she'd reciprocate his feelings.

His phone chirped again and he repeated the process he'd done before. Smiling, texting back, putting the phone away.

Then he looked at his watch.

„I've got to get going" Richard said, dropping a kiss on her cheek. „Thanks again for watching Alexis."

Martha watched him go. Hadn't he said that his new friend was the mother of one of Alexis' friends? Maybe her granddaughter would be a little more forthcoming with information the next time Martha watched her when she was awake.

Now Alexis was already sleeping though. So for now Martha was just happy that Richard seemed to be getting better. He'd really been suffering over his failed marriage. Martha was glad that he'd found someone who was able to help him overcome it.

O-o-o-o-o

„Hey" Kate said after she'd watched Claire greeting her friend excitedly and running off to the swings.

„Hey" Rick replied and gave her a short friendly hug. „I brought you coffee. Latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla"

„Wow. Thanks" Kate smiled delightedly. „You remembered my coffee order."

He just shrugged and smiled back. „Of course I did."

„I'm so glad we are doing this today" Kate said while they sat down on a bench close to where their daughters were playing.

„Yeah, I'm too" Rick nodded. „Alexis really looked forward to it."

Kate shook her head. „No, that's not what I meant. Well, it kind of is" she said, not really knowing what she wanted to say. But Rick looked at her patiently.

„See, I told Claire yesterday that Josh and I broke up and that he is moving out. And of course it was very hard for her. And she was so sad yesterday and all morning. But once I told her that you'd asked if we were free for a playground date she basically lit up. So I'm very glad we are doing this today" Kate ended her explanation. She'd texted back and forth with Rick about nothing in particular ever since they swapped numbers. His text messages had made her smile and feel good. Or at least they'd made her less sad and feel better. Which was all she cared about right now. But when he'd said that Alexis was bugging him every five minutes about scheduling a play date and she'd told Claire about it her daughter's sadness had been blown away instantly and replaced by excitement. And that was even more important to Kate.

„It was very hard for me too" Rick told her. „Telling Alexis that her mother was moving out and going to live in another state. She cried the whole day and it broke my heart. But since Meredith never had been around that much she soon was okay again. Of course she misses her sometimes but not as much as I thought she would."

„I wish I could say the same" Kate sighed. „I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Claire was so devastated when Josh left yesterday. And despite my apprehension he's done great when we told her that we broke up and that he's moving out. It's no excuse for what he did but still… I feel so bad for ripping our family apart. It was my decision to break up."

„So you think you made a mistake breaking up with him?" Rick asked carefully.

Kate shook her head vehemently. „No, it really has been time. I haven't been happy in our relationship for a long time. I just…" she took a deep shaky breath. „I just feel so bad for Claire. I never wanted her to ever be hurt like this. Especially not by something I did."

„I know it's very hard. But it's gonna get better, I promise" Rick told her. He had about two weeks more of experience with being separated from your significant other with whom you had a child.

„I hope so" Kate said. „I don't think I can take watching Claire look at pictures with us as a family and cry more than once without starting to cry myself. Yesterday evening when I made dinner Claire was in her room. When I went to get her she was sitting on her bed with a picture of the three of us skating in Central Park. She'd picked it up from the wall behind her bed. She was sobbing and talking to the picture, asking it why it couldn't be that day again. And it just…" Kate stopped to take a deep breath. „It just broke my heart."

„I'm so sorry, Kate" Rick sympathized. Kate's eyes were glassy and shimmering with suppressed tears. Without even thinking about it Rick put his hand on top of hers and squeezed, hoping to comfort her with the gesture.

She took a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself. She hadn't wanted to tell him that much. But something about him made her spill all her secrets, it seemed.

„Sorry for unloading on you again" Kate chuckled embarrassedly.

O-o-o-o-o

„Look Claire, I made a cake" Alexis announced proudly, pointing at the sand cake she'd made.

„Oh, I love cake" Claire stated. „I love birthday cakes the most. My birthday is soon. I'm going to be five then"

„Really? That's so cool. When is it? It's still sooooo long till my birthday. It's in fall" Alexis complained.

„Don't know exactly" Claire mused. „I have to ask mommy. She knows how many times I have to sleep until my birthday."

„Are you having a party?" Alexis asked.

„Of course. It's gonna be awesome. Mommy said I can invite whoever I want. We'll write invitations soon." But then Claire's excitement turned into sadness. „Only daddy won't be there. He's gone a long time to help sick people in Africa, mommy said. He's making them healthy."

„Can't he take a break to come to your party?" Alexis asked.

Claire shook her head. „I asked mommy that too. She said Africa is too far away to just come back for a party" she sighed.

„I didn't know that" Alexis said. „But I've got a book about Africa at home. There are so many cool animals in Africa, did you know that?"

„Yeah" Claire said, her mood lighting up again. „My favorite animals are elephants. Mommy said they live in Africa. I wonder if daddy gets to see them"

„My favorite animals are monkeys. They live in the jungle. That's so cool. They are climbing around in the trees all day" Alexis said and soon they were talking animatedly about animals and started to play that they were monkeys in the jungle.

They climbed as high as they could go and then sat there and watched around.

„Hey, look my mommy is laughing" Claire observed from their place on top of the jungle gym.

„That's because she is talking to daddy" Alexis concluded. „He's the most funny person I know"

„Then mommy has to talk to him more often. She was sad yesterday, I think. I was too but I'm not now because I'm playing with you" Claire said.

„Why were you sad?" Alexis asked.

„Because my daddy moved out. And my mommy and daddy fell out of love." Claire explained. „Did you know parents can do that? Fall out of love?"

„Yeah" Alexis said. „My daddy and mommy fell out of love too. Do you think it hurts? Like when you fall out of bed and hit something and it really hurts?"

„I think so" Claire mused. „Luckily parents can't fall out of love with their kids. I don't want to fall out of anything. I fell out of bed once and hit my head very hard. Mommy even took me to the hospital because she was worried I had a concussion."

„Are you sure parents can't fall out of love with their kids?" Alexis asked.

„Mommy said so" Claire said. „So it has to be true."

„I think my mommy might have fallen out of love with me. Because she's gone to California and is not coming back and it hurts here" Alexis pointed to her chest. „when I think about her."

„We can ask my mommy again if you want. She usually knows everything" Claire told her.

„Okay" Alexis agreed. „Let's do that."

O-o-o-o-o

Kate watched her daughter talking to Alexis on top of the jungle gym. They had been playing some game where they were running around, climbing up and down, run again and so on. But now they just sat there and they seemed to have a serious conversation. At least it looked like that from Kate's place on the park bench.

Rick was currently speaking to his editor on the phone. He had gone a little away, asking her if she could watch Alexis for him for a few minutes. Of course she'd agreed.

Now Alexis and Claire climbed down from the jungle gym again and made their way towards her.

„Mommy?" Claire said when she and Alexis stood in front of her. „We've got a question for you." But before they even got to the question Alexis noticed that her father wasn't sitting beside her anymore.

„Where's my daddy?" she asked, looking around frantically.

„Over there" Kate pointed to the far end of the playground where Rick was standing, talking on the phone. He saw them looking over and waved. „He got a call from his publisher and had to go over there because it was a little loud because of all the kids."

„Okay" Alexis said, relaxed again now that she could see her dad again.

„Was that the question you had?" Kate asked.

Claire shook her head. But it was Alexis who asked the question.

„Can parents really not fall out of love with their kids?" she asked and Kate's heart clenched together at the innocent and yet so difficult question.

„Why don't you come sit with me?" Kate asked, took Claire in her lap and turned to Alexis who had climbed up on the bench to sit beside her. „Are you worried your daddy is falling out of love with you?" she asked Alexis. Not thinking Rick had given her any indication that that could be happening.

Alexis shook her head. „Not my daddy. He's the greatest. But mommy"

Oh my. Kate glanced over at Rick but he was still talking on the phone.

„Why do you think that?" she asked carefully. She hoped she could stall a little time so Rick would come back and be able to reassure his daughter himself. Kate didn't really know what to say. She didn't know that much about Meredith and her relationship with Alexis.

„Because it hurts when I think about her. And falling out of love has to hurt, right? Like when I fall out of bed. That hurts too"

Kate suppressed the small smile at the comparison. Sometimes kids made the funniest connections between things. But nothing about this conversation or the topic was funny.

„Yeah, falling out of love hurts. But it'll get better. Like when you fall out of bed and hit your head. It hurts very bad at the beginning but it will go away." Kate said, using their comparison. Then she went back to the problem at hand. „What do you think about your mommy that hurts you, Alexis?"

„I don't know" Alexis shrugged and looked down unhappily. Kate really wished Rick's phone call would end soon. „She's not there anymore. So she has to have fallen out of love with me, right?"

„Oh no" Kate said. „It's not like that. Sometimes one of your parents doesn't have that much time for you. That doesn't mean they don't love you anymore though. Like Claire's dad. He's going to Africa for a long time but he still loves Claire even if he isn't here and doesn't have time" Kate explained as much for Alexis as for Claire.

„So you think my mommy still loves me?" Alexis asked skeptically.

Kate nodded and gave the little girl a smile. „I'm sure of it. She might not have that much time to show it but I'm sure she hasn't fallen out of love with you. She's probably just very busy with her job and getting settled in in her new home."

„Like my daddy" Claire concluded.

Kate nodded. „Exactly. And until you see him again I'll just love you twice as much, Claire. And your daddy will surely do the same, Alexis."

„Or we can share, can't we?" Claire asked innocently.

„Share what?" Kate asked confused.

Alexis though immediately understood what her friend had suggested. „Yeah, we are just gonna share. Awesome idea, Claire" Alexis smiled at her friend.

„Share what?" Rick asked as he came back, having finished his phone call. He'd overheard his daughter's words.

„You" Alexis said.

„And my mommy" Claire added.

Rick shot Kate a confused look who looked back at him wide-eyed, a little dumbfounded. He arched an eyebrow questionably.

„I'll tell you later" she mouthed.


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for the long wait but I've been a little busy. I hope you enjoy the chapter. _

O-o-o-o-o

Mommy's phone rang. It showed a picture of Rick. Claire looked around for mommy. She was nowhere to be seen. Claire remembered that she'd said something about taking a shower.

Mommy said Claire wasn't allowed to pick up her phone unless she asked beforehand. But mommy was taking a shower so she couldn't ask and maybe Alexis wanted to have a play date so she had to pick up, right?

Claire listened and could still hear the shower running in the bathroom. The phone rung again and Claire picked it up.

„Claire Beckett" she said, she'd picked that up from mommy. Mommy always said her name when picking up the phone.

„Oh hello Claire" Rick said.

„Hi Rick" Claire answered cheerfully. „Are you calling to schedule a play date for Alexis and me?"

„Not exactly" Rick told her. „Is your mommy there?"

„She's taking a shower" Claire said. „Why did you call then?" What other reason was there to call?

Rick chuckled and Claire wondered why. Sometimes adults were strange. They laughed at the most normal questions or sentences.

„Well, see Claire, Alexis and I bought a recipe book made especially for kids and Alexis wondered if you were free tonight or sometime this week to come over and have dinner together. She wants to cook for you and your mommy"

„Is she allowed to cook all on her own?" Claire asked in wonderment, jealous. She would have to talk to mommy about it. If Alexis was allowed to cook on her own so should she be, right?

Rick laughed. „Of course not. That's way to dangerous. We're cooking together but with the new recipe book Alexis can do a lot on her own because there are a lot of pictures."

„Oh okay" Claire said, just a little bit disappointed that cooking wasn't something four-year-olds could do theirselves.

„So maybe you can ask your mommy when she's finished showering if you've got time to have dinner at our place sometime this week. Or next week. Whatever works" Rick said.

„I'm gonna do that" Claire told him. „Bye Rick"

„Bye" Claire held the phone away from her ear and ended the call. She knew how that was done. It was pretty easy. She always wondered why grandpa thought it was complicated. She'd seen him use his new phone once and he hadn't known how to pick up a call. Mommy had had to show him first. Claire didn't know if grandpa could do it now. She hadn't seen him in a long time. But right now she didn't care.

She was excited about going to Alexis' place for dinner. She hoped she'd get to help make dinner too. Or maybe mommy could buy her the same book. She loved going to Alexis' place, she liked it too when her and Rick came to their apartment but not as much. She liked meeting at the playground too. The most important thing was meeting Alexis _somewhere. _And she hadn't seen her all day. She'd been at preschool and mommy had been at work and then mommy had picked her up which was awesome. Because it was always best when mommy came to pick her up. It was okay too when uncle Javi or uncle Kevin or aunt Lanie picked her up. They were fun. But the days when mommy picked her up where the best. Because she loved mommy the most. And most days mommy would take her to the playground where they'd meet Rick and Alexis. Which was just amazing.

Thinking about that reminded her that she had to go and ask mommy about going to their place right now. She opened the door from the living room to the hallway. Then she listened. She couldn't hear the shower running anymore. Maybe mommy was finished?

„Mommy?" Claire called.

„I'm in the bedroom, sweetie" Mommy called back. Claire took the phone from the coffee table again to take it with her. She looked at the screen and saw green rectangles with a lot of little letters in it so she knew mommy had text massages but she couldn't read them. She could read some easy words but not whole text messages.

She opened the door to the bedroom. Mommy was just wearing a towel. Claire sighed. If mommy wasn't even dressed it would be a loooooong time till they could go out. Mommy always took ages.

„Can you hurry, mommy?" Claire asked. „Rick said Alexis is cooking for us and we should come over as fast as we can." That's what he'd said, right?

Mommy's brows scrunched together funnily. „When did he say that?"

„Just now on the phone" Claire said and then wanted to take the words back immediately. She wasn't allowed to pick up the phone on her own. Mommy looked a little angry.

„You picked up my phone?" Mommy asked. „Claire, what have I told you about that?" Mommy's voice was stern. Claire didn't like her using that tone of voice.

„Not to do it" Claire said, looking at the floor. But then she looked up again. „But I saw Rick's picture. And I figured he was calling because of Alexis anyway. And Alexis is my friend so the call really was for me" Claire reasoned.

Mommy's eyes rolled but her lips quirked up a little too before her gaze went strict again. But Claire already knew she wasn't in that much trouble.

„Still. When I tell you to not do something then you have to listen, Claire" Mommy said, a little disappointed.

„I know, mommy. I won't do it again. Promise" Claire said. „But can we go have dinner with Alexis?"

For a moment mommy looked like she was going to say no. But then Claire could see her change her mind about it. Good. Because if mommy would have said no she would have been very disappointed. And she got very sad when she was disappointed. Claire didn't like being sad.

„I'll have to call Rick back. I'm pretty sure he didn't say that we should come over as fast as we can tonight" Mommy said. Hm, Claire thought about it. Maybe that really wasn't what Rick had said. But that's what Claire wanted anyway.

„But hurry, mommy. I'm very hungry" Claire said.

„There's a box with fruits and vegetables in the fridge. You can have some of them" Mommy said. Claire shook her head. Oh no, that wouldn't do at all.

„I'm not hungry for fruits and vegetables. I'm not hungry for anything we have at home. I'm not hungry for take-out either. I'm hungry for dinner at Alexis' place" Claire told her.

„Of course you are" Mommy muttered but Claire didn't understand what mommy meant by it. „Even if we go tonight – and I still have to call Rick first – I'll still need some time to get ready, Claire. I just came out of the shower. I have to apply lotion and make-up and get dressed before going out. So you can go to your room and play for a while."

„You don't have to apply lotion and make-up, mommy" Claire said. „You already smell good and are pretty."

Mommy gave her a smile, bent down and kissed her cheek. „Thanks baby."

„So are you just getting dressed real quick so we can go?" Claire asked eagerly.

„No" mommy said. „But if you stop arguing about it and go play I'll be ready much sooner."

„Fine" Claire huffed. „But we can go to Alexis' place when you are finished?"

„I'm calling Rick back and if he really meant tonight, then yes we can go" mommy said.

„Great" Claire exclaimed and then went to her room. Maybe she'd find a toy she wanted to take to Alexis' place.

O-o-o-o-o

„Hello" Claire greeted Rick and Alexis when they opened the door. She was about to just run of with Alexis when her mother nudged her, shooting her an expecting look.

„Oh right" Claire said, remembering what they'd talked about on their way over. „Thanks for the invite for dinner. We brought juice and wine" Claire held up the bottle of grape juice she was holding and pointed at the bottle of red wine in her mother's hands. „Mommy said you have to bring something when you're invited for dinner at someone else's place."

„Well, thanks Claire. Come on in" Rick held the door wide open to let them in.

„I made my very first lasagna" Alexis told Claire proudly. „It's in the oven baking. Daddy says it will be ready soon. Come on, I'll show you."

„No opening the oven without me, Alexis" Rick called. „Only look through the glass."

„I know" Alexis called back.

„Hey" Kate said to Rick after the girls had taken off towards the kitchen. „Thanks for the invite." It was ridiculous how happy she'd been about the invite. After she'd called him back she'd really looked forward to spending the evening with him, Alexis and Claire. It wasn't like they didn't spend time with them. The opposite in fact. Almost every free minute Kate found herself spending with Rick and the two girls. They'd both been shocked about Claire and Alexis wanting to share them at first but had shrugged it of as their daughters just being overexcited about their new friendship. But in the end they'd done that anyway. They spend so much time together. And Claire went to Rick with her books when she wanted them to be read to her. And sometimes Alexis went to Kate when she and Claire were playing at the play ground and another kid was being mean to them.

But still, tonight felt different. They'd never had dinner at his place. Or hers. Until tonight Kate had felt like they were simply meeting so their daughters could have play dates. But going to have dinner at his place felt … different. She didn't know how it felt different. It just did. But in a good way. So she wouldn't question it. Just like she didn't question their late night phone calls or texts where they didn't talk about anything important. They just talked about the simplest things.

„We love to have you over. Alexis was so excited about cooking and about cooking for Claire especially" Rick said with a smile, guiding her towards the kitchen. He didn't want to leave them there alone for too long. Now that the kitchen wasn't a place only he was allowed to use he wasn't sure if Alexis understood when she was allowed to touch and use things and when she wasn't.

„So Alexis really cooked that lasagna by herself?" Kate asked. „Claire told me about a special recipe book I have to buy now too?" She hadn't really understood what her daughter had been talking about other than that she wanted the same book Alexis seemed to have.

„Oh yeah" Rick said excitedly. „It's awesome. I saw it and just had to buy it. The book comes with differently sized and colored cups. And the recipe book is almost entirely with pictures. So kids know they need to take the big red cup for the tomato sauce and the medium sized cup for the cheese and so on. It's pretty cool and that way I can teach Alexis to cook at an early age. I won't have to cook anything anymore when she's a teenager"

„So that's the goal?" Kate asked laughing. „Creating your own personal chef so you never have to cook again?"

„Yep" he said and laughed too. Then he shook his head. „No, not really. I enjoy cooking and now it's something we can do together. I want her to grow up loving it."

O-o-o-o-o

Kate and Rick sat on his couch, the girls having fallen asleep about half an hour ago, leaving their parents to finish the Disney movie without them. But when they'd started talking he'd turned the sound off. Neither of them cared about the movie going on on the screen.

„Meredith called this morning" Rick said, a little gloomy and sighed.

Kate shot him a sympathetic look. She really liked that they were able to talk about these kind of things. They were both still hurt by their recent break ups. No matter how distracted they were most of the time with each other and their kids.

„What did she want?" Kate asked. He probably wanted to talk about it. Otherwise he wouldn't have told her that she had called.

„Nothing really" he shrugged. „She asked to talk to Alexis who was at preschool of course. So she just told me about the movie she's shooting right now and about life in LA in general. She sounded happy." _He_ didn't sound happy at all though. His shoulders hung a little, Kate noticed. His eyes were clouded too, the corners of his lips downturned.

„You miss her, don't you?" Kate concluded.

Rick nodded. „Sometimes, yeah" he sighed. „I just…" another sigh. „I don't know." He shook his head at himself. He wasn't that bad with words normally. „Sometimes I wake up at night and wonder where she is for a moment. And when I remember I just miss her. Then I remember why she's gone and I don't want to miss her anymore but I just do."

Kate could relate.

„I know what you mean. Josh and I haven't been really happy in our relationship for a long time. Both of us. But the bed just feels colder without him. I'm happy he's gone. But he's been a part of my life for so long that sometimes I feel like something is missing" she said. Rick nodded. He knew exactly what she meant. And Kate reached for his hand to squeeze it. She loved that he understood how she felt. She hadn't talked to Lanie about that but she knew her best friend wouldn't understand the way Rick did. It was just something you had to experience yourself to really understand the feeling of being very glad that the relationship was over but missing your former significant other anyway.

„I don't even think it's really Meredith I'm missing" Rick continued, holding on to her hand. „It's family life. Or not even that. Because our family life was never like I imagined it to be."

„How do you imagine it to be?" Kate probed, wanting to lead his thoughts in a happier direction.

He shrugged. „I don't know. Just little things. Like having breakfast together, at least on weekends. Watching movies together, having snow fights, building the biggest sandcastle at the beach. Things like that. Meredith though was never interested in those kind of things. And she never had breakfast. She skipped it every day. She slept in anyway. When she got up Alexis and I had had breakfast already. Hours ago, most days"

„Feel free to not answer" Kate told him. „But why did you marry her? You must have known that beforehand, right? That she isn't into the family life style like you are"

„It seemed like the right thing to do" Rick explained. „We've been together for a while and just had fun when one day she started throwing up in the morning. I didn't think anything about it at first but she was fine the rest of the day but the next morning she was sick again. And we both figured it out and went to buy a pregnancy test together. Meredith was so scared. And then there were two lines on the stick and she started crying about not wanting a baby yet. But I fell in love with the baby the moment I started thinking about it. I comforted Meredith and told her that it would be great. I was so in love with the idea of having a family I think I just forget that I never before had pictured Meredith as the mother of my future children. And that she wasn't really made to be a mother. And of course marriage seemed to be logical. A whole family. That's what I dreamed of. So I bought a ring and proposed."

Kate nodded. That actually made a little sense.

„Josh never did" she said, sharing her story with him in return. He made it so easy. And it had never been easy for Kate to share anything about her past with anyone. „Of course I think of myself as emancipated enough to be the one proposing when I really think I found my one and done. But well, I never really thought Josh is it."

„So Claire wasn't …" Rick started but stopped the question. It wasn't really a question you wanted to be asked about your kid that you loved more than anything else.

„Planned?" Kate finished for him. She shook her head. „No. Josh and I… I don't think we ever loved each other. But we cared for each other and we were both okay with coming second after the other's work. Or fifth after work work work and work. We were comfortable with each other and neither of us were interested in having a relationship with someone who'd expect us to spend more time with them. It was very convenient. When I wanted to see him, I did. When I didn't that was just as well. We've been in a relationship for about two years when I got pregnant. I hadn't even had the time to figure it out myself. I got a minor injury on a case and in the following treatment my friend Lanie took my blood levels and noticed it. I told Josh." Kate stopped for a minute and took a deep breath.

„It's making me nauseous to even think about it now" she swallowed hard but continued. „But at first we talked about if we even wanted to have the baby or if I should get an abortion. I've got to hand it to Josh he was very supportive at the time. He didn't try to influence me at all. We talked about how having a child would affect both of our lives. But in the end we both decided to keep the baby. And I'm so glad we did. Josh accompanied me to every appointment with the doctor, talked about medical things with her every time. The baby's health was very important to him. He wasn't overprotective though and I appreciated it. During the pregnancy we both didn't really connect with the baby like other parents do when hearing the heartbeat or looking at the ultrasound pictures. But the moment I held Claire in my arms for the first time that changed. At least for me. I stayed at home for a few months but being at home all day was driving me crazy and hadn't been the plan in the first place anyway. So we figured a schedule out of who was watching Claire when and most times we sticked to it. Our relationship though never changed. It was convenient and we cared for each other and now both loved our daughter. But never really each other."

Wow, Kate thought when she was finished. She didn't think she'd ever told someone so much. Despite her mother's grave. Rick didn't say anything. He didn't judge either.

„Thanks for listening. I never realized how much I needed to tell that to someone" Kate said, squeezing his hand which she was still holding.

„You're welcome" Rick told her, squeezing back. Her eyes were a little glassy and he could see was trying hard not to cry. „You wanna talk about something else now?"

Kate chuckled surprised. How did he know exactly when it was time to change the topic? „Please" she agreed.

„Okay then" Rick said seriously. „Did you know that the people who are currently alive represent about 7 percent of the total number of people who have ever lived?"

Kate's brow scrunched in confusion. Then she started to laugh. „How did you came up with this?" She shook her head. He was ridiculous.

He shrugged. „Read it on the internet when I wasn't writing today."

„So that's what you do when you're doing research?" Kate asked, still laughing softly. How could he make her laugh in a matter of seconds when she'd felt like crying a minute ago? Kate shook her head. She didn't really care how he did it. She just enjoyed that he was able to take her mind of the heavy topics so easily. He told her more ridiculous facts that nobody really needed to know while they continued sipping their wine.

Neither of them noticed how fast the time seemed to pass by. They were talking and laughing and drinking wine. Kate couldn't remember ever having felt so comfortable in another persons presence. At least not since high school when she'd been able to talk to her girlfriends for hours. Or just launch around with her mom and watch silly tv shows. That was probably the last time she'd felt so comfortable just doing nothing important with another person. She hadn't even thought that it was possible for her to reach this kind of innocent emotional intimacy with someone as an adult. Not since her mother had died and she'd grown apart from her high school friends.

She wouldn't put a name on her relationship with Rick but if she had to she would say he was becoming her best friend. She confided in him, told him things about herself she'd never told anyone before and let him make her laugh. Of course there were still a lot of things she wasn't comfortable talking to him about. But she'd only known him for a few weeks. So the level of their friendship was amazing.

„Do you want another glass of wine?" Rick asked her when she finished what had been in her glass.

„I'd love too" Kate replied. She felt so relaxed. His couch was so comfortable. She never wanted to get up again. Especially not when he kept telling funny stories and her daughter kept sleeping peacefully beside her.

Rick took the bottle from the coffee table but noticed that it was almost empty. „Oh" he laughed. „We already finished this one. Do you want to stop then or should I get another one?"

Kate bit her lip, her cheeks felt warm, she was comfortable and relaxed. Maybe she should stop. She hadn't had more than one glass of wine in a long time but right now she felt good and she didn't want this night to end yet. So she agreed to him getting another bottle.

She really was enjoying spending time with him. They'd had play dates at the play ground and his place all over the last two weeks. Almost every spare minute Kate had they spent with Rick and Alexis. And it wasn't only Claire's idea. Sure, she was never against it but sometimes Kate had made plans with Rick before either of their daughters could even ask.

And after their play dates ended and they'd both tucked their daughters in bed in their respective homes they'd often call or text to just talk with each other.

When Rick came back with another bottle of red wine he filled both their glassed up and sat down beside her again.

After they'd talked for what felt like only minutes Kate looked at her watch and looked again. It was past midnight. That couldn't be, right? They couldn't have just talked for over four hours, right?

„It's pretty late. We should get going" Kate stated and stood up. But when she did the room seemed to move with her. Her vision was blurred too. She was so surprised that she fell back on the couch.

„Are you okay?" Rick asked, concerned. His hand had fallen to her back to steady her.

Kate chuckled embarrassedly . „Yeah sorry, just a little tipsy, I think."

„Really?" Rick asked between apology and amusement. „Sorry. I didn't mean to get you drunk, Kate"

„Not drunk, slightly tipsy. At most. I was just surprised" Kate told him and made another attempt at getting up. This time she was prepared for the slight movement of her surroundings and didn't fall back on the couch. Rick's hand on her back would have prevented her from doing so anyway. He'd stood with her.

After a moment the room was steady again. She turned to Rick and gave him a luminous smile.

„Thanks for dinner and being such a good friend" she said. Rick studied her intensely. Her eyes were wider than they usually were and for some reason she was keeping eye contact longer than normally. She probably wasn't even noticing.

He made a decision.

„Yeah" he said slowly. „And I'm gonna continue being a good friend by not letting you go like this."

„What do you mean?" Kate asked. Nothing was moving anymore, especially not when she looked into his blue eyes. They were very steady. And extremely blue. And very… pretty. He had pretty eyes. She was about to say that but held back in the last moment. That's when she understood what he meant though. She would never blurt out things like that if she were sober. She didn't even know why that came to her mind anyway.

„You are a little drunk, Kate." His smile was apologetic. He really hadn't meant to get her drunk. He would have thought she could hold her liquor better than that. She was tall after all. „If you really want to go home then I'll call for my car service and will accompany you to your doorstep. We'd have to take Alexis too though. I can't leave her here alone. But if you want to take it I'm offering you my guest room. That would be way easier."

Kate would protest if she were here alone. She'd just call for a cab to take her home. But Claire was here too and no matter how not drunk she thought she was she wouldn't take the risk and carry her daughter all the way down to the street, into a cab and all the way up to their apartment when there was even the slightest chance that she was drunk and would stumble and drop Claire. Not that she really felt that drunk. Only slightly tipsy. But better safe than sorry. And of course she wouldn't make Rick and Alexis make a trip to her apartment and back in the middle of the night. Not when he offered guest rooms.

„Okay, thanks" Kate said.

„Great" Rick smiled. „So I'll just carry the girls up and put them in Alexis room. She's got a bed big enough for both of them. Or Claire could have the guest room and you get the second guest room my mother usually uses when she stays over."

„No, that's okay. Just put them in Alexis' bed together. I'm sure they'll love that when they wake up in the morning" Kate said.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks for all your nice reviews. I love reading them. _

O-o-o-o-o

Alexis woke up and blinked a few times. Her eyes always felt a little heavy after just waking up. But then she looked around and noticed Claire who was blinking the sleep from her eyes too.

„Hello" Alexis grinned at her best friend.

„Hello" Claire grinned back. „We had a sleepover" she cheered.

„Yeah" Alexis said. „That's so awesome. Do you think my daddy and your mommy had a sleepover too?"

Claire shrugged. „I don't know. We could check" she suggested.

„Or we could play" Alexis mused and Claire agreed enthusiastically.

„Mommy loves to sleep in anyway. She's always very proud of me when I don't wake her up before eight."

Then they got up from bed and noticed that they were still dressed in yesterday's clothes. Since both of them were thought that brushing your teeth twice a day was very important they went to Alexis' bathroom. The little girl knew where her dad stored the new toothbrushes. They just needed to get a chair from Alexis room so they could get to the shelf. Then they both brushed their teeth very thoroughly.

After that they decided that they needed to dress in something else. Since they were going to play princess shorts weren't fitting at all. They needed dresses. Claire needed a blue one and Alexis a green one. When they were finished they looked at themselves in the mirror.

„Our hair is messy" Alexis noticed. „I can brush mine but I can't braid. Can you braid?"

Claire shook her head.

„But if we want to play _Frozen_ we need braided hair" Alexis told her. „You need one plait and I need two. My daddy could do them."

„I don't know if mommy can do them. I don't usually like my hair braided." Claire shrugged. Her mother sometimes wanted to do something with her hair but Claire hated it. She sometimes agreed to ponytails but not often. Braids? No. They weren't for Claire. If they were playing _Anna and Elsa _though…

„Then let's get my daddy to do it" Alexis said and leaded her downstairs.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick was mixing pancake batter. He'd let Claire choose what she wanted for breakfast. First she'd wanted to go for cereal but then Alexis had told her about her favorite breakfast. Blue Elsa-and-Anna-pancakes. And since Claire seemed to be as obsessed with that movie as Alexis she'd immediately agreed.

So now he was mixing blueberry juice with the rest of the contents while he watched Alexis and Claire play in the living room. After they'd woken him up and he'd done their hair they'd asked him if he would build a fort out of blue blankets, cushions and other blue and white stuff with them so they would have a _Frozen-_castle. And how could he say no to building a castle?

He was just about to make the first pancakes when he saw Kate coming down the stairs. Her hair was a little messy and she was still wearing the t-shirt and boxers he'd borrowed her to sleep in. She looked younger without any make-up and unkempt hair. Adorable somehow. Not that he would say that out loud.

„Good morning" he greeted cheerfully.

„Morning" Kate mumbled sleepily. She seemed to have just woken up and immediately gotten out of bed. „How long have they been awake?" she asked, referring to their daughters she could hear giggling in a blue fort.

„About one and a half hour" he informed her.

Kate groaned. „I'm sorry, Rick. I didn't hear them getting up. Sorry for sleeping so long."

„It's not a problem" Rick smiled at her. „I'm glad you could sleep in a little. I bet you don't get to do that a lot."

Kate chuckled a little. „No, never"

„Not that 7:30 am is really sleeping in but you know what I mean" Rick added while he put the first pancakes on a plate.

„Why are your pancakes blue?" Kate asked, her face contorted in disgust.

Rick laughed and explained it to her.

„You're just the perfect dad, aren't you?" Kate asked. „Getting your child to eat fruit by making Elsa-pancakes, building forts at seven in the morning."

Rick looked at her surprised. _The perfect dad. _He didn't think of himself as that. Sure that would be great. But he was far from perfect. He just did what he could. That Kate thought that highly of him though meant a lot to him.

Kate met his gaze. She didn't think much about her comment. His expression though was a mixture of feelings. Pride, modesty, surprise and something that Kate couldn't read.

„Mommy" Claire cheered when she saw her. She came running towards her. Her hair was braided and she was wearing a blue dress that must belong to Alexis because they hadn't brought spare clothes since they hadn't planned to stay overnight.

„Good morning, sweetie" Kate said, dropping a kiss to her daughter's hair. „Is your hair braided?"

„Yeah. I look like Elsa now. Rick did it. He took braiding classes with Alexis. We should do that too" Claire said.

„There's no need for braiding classes. I already know how to braid. You just never want me to do anything with your hair" Kate told her. „And you never eat anything other than cereal for breakfast at home. How come you choose pancakes today?"

Claire's eyes shone in excitement. „Mommy, Rick said he can make _Frozen-_pancakes. That's better than cereal"

„Of course they are" Kate laughed.

„They are really good" Alexis confirmed. She had joined them at the kitchen island.

„And they are finished" Rick added and put a plate in front of all three of them after Kate had helped them up the chairs.

O-o-o-o-o

After breakfast Kate helped Rick clean up the kitchen. He was making her laugh with the silliest of things. Like throwing a handful of soap at her. She was surprised at herself for finding that funny. But she did and even threw soap back at him and laughed even harder when he whined when the soap hit his eye.

Claire and Alexis where still playing in the living room in their _Frozen _blanket fort ice palace. The two girls got along so perfectly. Kate just loved it. With all her other friends Claire seemed to get into a fight about little things every five minutes. Or she got bored with them. Either way Kate had always found Claire's play dates tiring. Not with Alexis and Rick though. Alexis and Claire could play with each other for hours without needing any of them. And she and Rick got along just as well, which was just perfect.

„Mommy?" Claire called. „Your phone is ringing. It's aunt Lanie. Can I pick up?"

Kate turned to see her daughter holding her ringing phone. She thought for a moment. She had closed her case and she was off for the whole weekend. So Lanie couldn't want something work-related. So Kate agreed.

„Claire Beckett" Claire said after taking the call. She listened.

„Hello sweetie" Lanie said. „Where are you and your mom?"

„We're at Alexis' place" Claire told her aunt. And in that moment it dawned on Kate. She looked at her watch. They had a breakfast and shopping date with Lanie today.

„That early?" Lanie asked. „Didn't we have plans for breakfast today?"

Claire just shrugged. „We already had breakfast with Rick and Alexis. Rick made _Frozen-_pancakes for us"

„Is that so?" Lanie asked with a strange voice. She sounded amused.

Kate walked over to her daughter. „Claire give me the phone please." Claire handed it over.

„I'm so sorry, Lanie. I totally forgot" Kate apologized.

„Never mind" Lanie told her. „Just tell me how come that you are having breakfast at Alexis'place. Who is Richard Castle's daughter if I remember correctly. And pancakes no less. We all know that pancakes in the morning are the edible version of a thank you for last night. What is he thanking you for?" Lanie's voice was suggestive.

Kate blushed. She didn't know why. There was no reason after all. Nothing of what Lanie's tone of voice suggested had happened nor would it. They were friends. Very good friends. And she needed him as a friend and as the father of her daughter's best friend. She really didn't want or need a relationship right now. No less with Rick. She wasn't in any way ready for a relationship and she definitely wouldn't jeopardize her friendship with Rick and Claire's friendship with Alexis by complicating things between them. Despite all this she blushed anyway at Lanie's words and looked over at Rick who was drying his hands on a towel. He watched her. And he would definitely hear what she'd say next. So she had to choose her words with that in mind. Even while she had a million understandable reasons why a relationship with Rick was not at all in her plan she didn't want him to hear her say that. She didn't want to fuel any insecurities he might still have because of his ex-wife's cheating.

„It got late last night and Claire had already fallen asleep so Rick generously offered his guest room" she smiled at him when she said it and he smiled back.

„Yeah, don't think you'll get away with that, girlfriend. But since you're still there and he's probably hearing what you're saying I'll let it go for now. So when can I expect you to meet me for shopping. Since you already had breakfast I'll just grab something on the way."

After Kate had made new plans for meeting Lanie at the shopping mall in an hour she ended the call.

„You've got to go?" Rick asked.

Kate nodded. „Yeah, we are meeting Lanie at the shopping mall. We've got to get a few things for Claire's birthday."

„And you are taking Claire?" Rick asked incredulous. „When you are getting presents for her?" The look on his face was so shocked it was hilarious. But he didn't look only shocked. He looked like he'd been told that Santa Clause didn't exist or something like that. Like she had just shattered something he really believed in.

Kate shrugged. „We were going to get decoration and other stuff for her party and then Lanie would distract her while I would get the presents."

„And let her figure out that you are carrying around her presents?" Rick asked. „No way. Leave her here. She can play with Alexis and you can get her presents."

Kate bit her lip. His offer was tempting. „Okay, I'll ask her if she wants to stay here."

„Great" Rick said and the relief in his voice made Kate laugh.

After she'd asked Claire if she would rather stay at Alexis' place and play instead of having to go shopping with her and Lanie, Kate packed her stuff.

„I'll try to be fast" she promised Rick. „It's Saturday and the mall is probably full of people but I'll do my best to be back at noon to pick up Claire."

Rick shook his head. „Please don't. At least not on my account. I really don't mind watching Claire. She and Alexis are so busy with each other anyway. I might even get some writing done while they occupy themselves."

„Are you sure?" Kate asked.

„Positive. Take your time. Choose great presents for Claire, go shopping for yourself if you want, grab lunch with your friend. I promise Claire will be perfectly fine and I don't mind watching her at all" Rick insisted.

„Okay then" Kate said. „Thanks." And then she stood up on her toes to drop a friendly thankful kiss on his cheek. She didn't even think twice about doing it. Not even when she tried to remember the last time she'd so casually kissed someone on the cheek and couldn't remember doing it in the last few years. She just shrugged at the thought. It was nice having someone she could so casually and comfortably share affection with without having to think twice about it.

O-o-o-o-o

„Hey" Lanie said as she hugged Kate in greeting. „Where's Claire?"

„Still playing with Alexis" Kate said and told her about Rick's shock when she said they'd wanted to take her shopping while she was getting presents.

„We wouldn't have let her see the presents" Lanie defended them. She would have distracted Claire while Kate got her presents. They'd done it that way before. Sure Claire had been younger then and not as clever as she was now. But still. They would have managed.

„I told him that too but he insisted that she stay there. And of course Claire had been over the moon" Kate said.

„Even better. That way we can go shopping for clothes too. And underwear. You are single now. You'll want to have nice new underwear when the opportunity to have a little fun with a hot man presents itself" Lanie stated wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. „What colors does Rick like?" she asked, pretending to be asking a question that had nothing to do with the sentence before.

Kate rolled her eyes. „Subtle as ever, Lanie."

„Well?" Lanie quirked an eyebrow.

„I don't know. And it doesn't matter anyway cause Rick's not going to see any of my underwear. Nor anyone else. So no, I don't need new underwear" Kate said just as they entered a toy store. She's made a list of the things she wanted to get in advance so she hoped they were being fast. Kate didn't really like toy stores. They were too full of the most useless of things and kids that were having tantrums and parents who couldn't deal with tantrums who would get their kids what they wanted so they would just stop crying.

„But you do find him sexy?" Lanie inquired, not dropping the subject. Kate's breakup with Josh lay in the past, she'd settled into being a single mom, she didn't seem upset and she spent an awful lot of time with Richard Castle. So no, Lanie wouldn't drop it. As much for her curiosity as for Kate. Her friend deserved some fun. Even if she couldn't see it.

Kate sighed. „He's handsome. I'm not gonna deny that. But I'm not interested in him in that way" she argued. „He's a friend. A very good friend. And Claire and Alexis love each other so much. They are like sisters. It wouldn't be fair to them if we would start a relationship, mess it up and end up breaking our daughters hearts because we won't want to have play dates anymore. So I'm very glad that I'm not interested in him in that way" Kate finished.

Lanie studied her for a few more moments. She could see that Kate really believed what she was telling her. So she would too. For now.

„Okay" Lanie said. „Can we still go underwear-shopping even if you don't need any? Cause I'm dating this guy. Firefighter. He even is in the calendar. Mr August. He's got a very hot friend. Mr June. I can introduce you if you want. I just suggest that you skip the talking and go straight to the action."

Kate grimaced. She hadn't missed that at all during her long-time relationship with Josh. Going out and having to talk to guys that were either incredibly uneducated or terribly unattractive. There rarely were guys that were attractive, smart and single. Lanie had never cared about that. She had no problem having a little fun with someone who couldn't match her own intelligence. Kate though couldn't stand that at all. She would rather stay home alone with a book than having to entertain someone with whom she couldn't have a decent conversation with.

„No thanks" she rejected the offer. „But we can go underwear-shopping if it's so important to you. Maybe I'll even pick up something. I like wearing nice underwear even if no one is going to see it. Makes me feel confident and powerful."

„Great" Lanie clapped into her hands and Kate laughed at her friends enthusiasm.

O-o-o-o-o

„Oh" Claire squealed in delight. „This is so awesome! Can you play the other songs too?" she asked Martha Rodgers.

„Sure I can, darling" Martha smiled at the excited little girl. She really was a cute little thing. Martha had come by around noon and had then met the infamous Claire Beckett. Alexis wouldn't stop talking about her whenever she saw her grandmother. And Rick would talk a lot about her mother who sadly wasn't here for Martha to meet. But she'd decided she'd take advantage of the opportunity and just stick around until Kate came to pick her daughter up. Martha really wanted to meet the woman. Mothers intuition told her that Rick was going to fall in love with her. No matter how many times he told her that they were just friends and that he wanted to keep it that way.

Right now though Martha was enjoying playing the piano for the two excited girls. She'd recently gotten the notes for all the songs from _Frozen _since Alexis was obsessed with that movie. So she'd played one of the songs and the girls had enthusiastically sung along. It really was fun.

„You are so cool, Mrs Castle" Claire said after the third song. She loved to sing and she loved that Martha could play the piano. Her mother could play the guitar but she'd never played a song from _Frozen. _And the guitar was just so complicated. Playing the piano seemed to be easy. At least it looked easy when Alexis' grandma did it.

„Oh please call me Martha or grams" Martha said. Castle wasn't even her last name but since she didn't want the girl to call her by her last name anyway she didn't need to explain that.

„Really?" Claire asked in wonderment. „I can call you grams too?" Alexis did that and Claire really loved the nickname.

„Sure" Martha shrugged but smiled. „Why not?"

„That's so amazing" Claire squealed. „Thank you." And then the little girl climbed up on the bench beside her and gave her a hug.

„Yeah, we can share grams too" Alexis smiled at the idea. „But then you share your grandma with me too, right?"

Claire shook her head. „My grandma is dead. A bad man hurt her and she died. Mommy is very sad about it sometimes. But grandma is watching and protecting us from heaven. Next time we visit her grave I'll tell her to watch and protect you too though."

„Okay" Alexis said. „But you have a grandpa, right? Can we share him then?"

Claire nodded. „Yeah. But I don't see him often."

„Then I'll just share grams with you" Alexis offered generously.

Then they made Martha play the next song for them.

„Can you teach me how to play?" Claire asked after a few songs.

O-o-o-o-o

„Mommy, mommy, mommy" Claire stumbled over her own words in excitement. „Come. See what I can do. Come, come, come." She took Kate's hand and dragged her to the piano. Then she climbed on the little bench and put her right hand on the keys. Then she stared at her hand in concentration while she pushed some keys. After a moment Kate could even recognize the tune. There were a few mistakes but her daughter played the chorus of _Let it go _from _Frozen. _

„What did you think?" Claire asked excitedly. „Grams thought me. Isn't that wonderful?"

„Grams?" Kate asked confused.

„That would be me, darling" a woman's voice spoke up. Kate turned and noticed the red-haired woman with a luminous smile.

„May I introduce you" Rick stepped forward. „Kate, my mother Martha Rodgers. Mother, this is detective Kate Beckett."

„It's a pleasure to meet you, Katherine. Richard has told me so much about you" Martha smiled at her. So this was Rick's mother Kate thought. She hadn't expected to meet her today but she didn't mind. And she seemed nice. She seemed to be a very buoyant woman.

„It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs Rodgers" Kate said back and wanted to shake the other woman's hand but Martha just pulled her into a hug.

„Please call me Martha" the other woman said with a smile.

„I was just about to start dinner" Rick told them. „You are staying again, right?" he asked Kate.

„Um…" Kate made. „Actually, I think we should go home. You already feed us last night."

„Oh no, please stay for dinner. I'm making dinner now anyway. Safe yourself the energy of having to make something yourself when you get home" Rick reasoned.

„I feel like we are intruding" Kate bit her lip and glanced at Martha. She didn't want to intrude on their family time more than she already had. If she'd known that Rick's mother had planned to visit and spend time with her son and granddaughter Kate wouldn't have let Lanie drag her in every store in the mall. Or she would have taken Claire with her like she'd planned in the first place.

„Nonsense, darling" Martha said dismissively. „You are not intruding. We love having guests. Despite Richard and Alexis told me so much about you, I'd like to get to know you too." And then Martha linked her arm with Kate's and pulled her towards the couch. Kate was totally surprised at the action.

„Come on, darling. Let's go sit down. Richard told me you were out shopping today and every woman knows how exhausting that can be. Just relax and let my son do the work" Martha told her and Kate didn't feel like she had much choice than to follow the elder woman. She felt a little bad though. Rick had already done all the work today, watching both their daughters and now he had to cook for her and her daughter again. That didn't seem fair in Kate's eyes at all. But Martha wouldn't let her go help Rick no matter how many times she hinted at wanting to go to the kitchen to do just that.

„Richard enjoys cooking. He always has. He started doing it at when he was about ten years old. And he's quiet the chef now. You'd only be in the way, darling" Martha insisted and kept asking her questions about herself and Claire. And told her stories about Alexis and Rick in exchange.

Talking to Katherine, Martha knew there was no way Richard wasn't going to fall in love with her. If he hadn't already. She was the prefect complementary opposite to him. She was calm and polite and a very good listener. But Martha had no questions that she could be strong and demanding too. She had a job that Richard must find fascinating. And of course she was gorgeous. So Richard could keep denying that he was falling in love with her. But Martha would know better. She'd already suspected it every time he talked about her but now she was certain. She knew her son. It was only a matter of when, not if.

And Martha liked her too. They would fit perfectly together and Kate and Claire would both fit perfectly into their family. So now that she knew all that she would do the best she could to help them along. She didn't have a plan yet but she would come up with something. Something subtle.

O-o-o-o-o

Dinner had been delicious again. Martha had been right. Rick was quiet the chef. They'd eaten all together but after dinner Martha had excused herself because she had a date and the girls had gone upstairs. Kate helped Rick put the dishes away and finally felt a little helpful. She would definitely need to return the favor soon.

After the dishwasher was loaded and leftovers put away Kate called for Claire. Both girls came running down the stairs a minute later.

„Kate?" Alexis asked, looking at her with huge blue puppy dog eyes. She was really very adorable. As was her own daughter who looked at her with the same expression. Oh my. What did they want now?

„Yes?" Kate prompted.

„Can Claire stay here for another sleepover?" Alexis asked. For a second Kate wondered why Alexis was asking and not Claire but then she remembered how she'd always made her friends ask her mother when they wanted something because her mom always had been more reluctant to say no when her friends asked for something. It probably was because she wanted to seem like a cool mom.

„You don't even have to stay here, mommy" Claire told her confidently. „I'm a big girl. I can have a sleepover with my friend without you. I'm not going to get scared."

Kate looked into both their puppy dog eyes. God, they were so cute. But it was too much, they couldn't stay here another night. As much as Rick seemed to enjoy their company it was too much. He was just a good host. He probably wanted to have a normal evening again.

But Kate had another idea. „How about Alexis comes home with us and you have a sleepover at our place? That way Alexis' dad can have some kid-free time too. I already had that today."

Claire nodded. She seemed to be okay with the compromise. But Alexis' eyes had clouded. She looked over at Rick for help. She didn't want to say that she was scared to sleep somewhere else after Claire had been so confident about it a minute ago.

„Alexis is a little uncomfortable with sleeping somewhere else" Rick said carefully. He didn't want to embarrass his daughter in front of her friend. But he could see that she wasn't ready to have a sleepover at their place. „But I really don't mind having Claire over tonight again. I don't need a kid-free evening. And you can even stay here again too if you want. Or not if you don't" Rick said smiling. Maybe he wasn't just being nice and a good host. Maybe he really liked having them here. Kate liked staying there too. She was a little confused of her own feelings. Normally she'd want to have alone-time at her apartment. But staying here and spending time with Rick seemed even better than taking a bath in the solace of her bathroom. She shrugged. If another sleepover was what they all wanted why should she deny it?

„Fine" Kate agreed a little reluctantly. „But I'm going to tuck them in tonight. So you don't have to do that too" she said. But then she turned to Alexis again. „Is that okay, Alexis?"

Alexis nodded excitedly. „That would be awesome"

„No." Claire said a little louder than necessary, notifying Kate of the fact that that wasn't how Claire had planned it. „Rick shall tuck us in" she disagreed. Then she thought better of her outburst and looked at Rick with the same puppy dog eyes she had used on Kate earlier. „Please, Rick?"

„But I want Kate to do it" Alexis said. „Daddy is tucking me in every day."

„Mommy is tucking me in every day" Claire argued. „And your daddy can tell much better stories than my mommy." Kate would be upset with her daughter's preference of Rick's stories if she wouldn't wholeheartedly agree. She'd heard him read to the girls and at an official reading. She loved his story-telling voice too.

„But your mommy is more…" Alexis said but didn't know what she wanted to say, how to describe it. „She's not so… My daddy is so… He's always making so much fun and his stories are all so exciting. I don't want funny and exciting tonight. I want… I want… whatever Kate is" Alexis finished helplessly. At a loss for words how to describe Kate's calmer, more serene and down-to-earth demeanor.

„Calm" Rick supplied. „Kate is calmer than I am. You'll probably fall asleep easier when Kate tucks you in."

„Yeah. I want that" Alexis said.

„But I want funny and exciting" Claire objected.

Rick could feel their argument turning into a fight. Which would leave them both terribly unhappy. So he decided to step in.

„How about Kate and I tuck you in together then?" He glanced at Kate questioningly. She nodded.

„I'd be fine with that" Claire thought out loud. Alexis was more hesitant but then she agreed too.

O-o-o-o-o

Alexis queen sized bed was becoming a little small. At least if this would become a regular occurrence. Kate was sitting against the headboard of one side of the bed, Rick on the other, in between them were both their daughters. Alexis had laid down on her back already. Claire was still sitting.

„Claire come here. Let's cuddle a little while listening to Rick's story" Kate suggested.

Claire shook her head. „I can listen better while sitting" she said.

„Can I?" Alexis asked, pushing herself up a little and looking at Kate shyly. „Cuddle with you then?"

Kate looked at Rick, surprised. Was he upset that his daughter wanted to cuddle with her instead of him? But he shrugged and smiled.

„Sure" Kate agreed.

„Let's switch places then" Claire said and climbed over Alexis to be closer to Rick. Alexis scooted the other way and cuddled into Kate when she reached her. She laid her head on Kate's stomach and slung her arm around her. Kate carefully put her hand down on Alexis back. The little girl was facing away from her father and her friend. From her position Kate thought she'd even closed her eyes but she couldn't be sure.

Claire on the other hand was sitting crosslegged beside Rick, looking at him with bright expectant eyes.

„Everybody comfortable?" Rick asked. Claire nodded excitedly, Kate gave a smile and Alexis mumbled a yes.

„Alright then" Rick said and then started telling a story he just made up. It was about two little girls, best friends. They were having an awesome adventure riding horses, saving a kingdom, rescuing a young prince from a dragon. Claire was hanging on his lips, following every word of the exciting story he was telling, her mouth hanging open in concentration to catch every word. Kate too found herself very entangled in the story despite the fact that he'd made it up for kids. It shouldn't be this gripping for her as an adult. But it was his voice. His story-voice was different from his normal voice. It just casted a spell over her.

Alexis though seemed to be used to it or just very tired since her breathing evened out five minutes into the story. Kate absentmindedly stroked her back while she listened unashamedly entangled. She was never going to be able to satisfy her daughter's request for a story again. There was no way anything she could ever come up with could compare with his story. She could totally understand why Claire had wanted Rick to tuck them in.

„Another one please" Claire asked when he ended the story with a happy end. Kate could understand that request of her daughter too. But Rick shook his head.

„It's time to sleep now" he told her and Kate could comprehend her daughter's disappointment. „How about I make room so your mommy can scoot to the middle of the bed and you cuddle into her other side?"

Claire shook her head. „I'm too excited to cuddle."

„Too excited?" Rick asked and shot Kate an apologizing look. He hadn't intended to wake her up further. It was supposed to be a bedtime story. Kate gave a shrug. Claire usually wanted to go to sleep on her own anyway. She rarely wanted to cuddle.

„Yeah, about the story" Claire told him.

„How about you just lay down then, baby" Kate suggested. „And think about how the story could continue. Or what adventure they are going to have next. And we go downstairs and you tell us tomorrow what you came up with and next time Rick tells you a story he maybe includes your ideas"

„Okay" Claire agreed. Rick including her ideas in a story? That sounded awesome.

„Great" Kate said. „Just remember that you can't think about your ideas out loud because Alexis is asleep already, okay?"

When Claire nodded again, Kate gently put Alexis head on the pillow and got up. Rick did the same. They switched sides, dropped a kiss at their respective daughters foreheads and then made their way out of the room.

„Sorry" Rick said when they were outside.

„What are you sorry for?" Kate asked.

„For getting Claire all excited" he scratched his head a little embarrassedly. „Are you sure she'll be able to fall asleep on her own now?"

Kate just shrugged. „Don't worry about it. She usually takes some time to fall asleep. But she normally doesn't need me or even want me to stay with her. She busies herself with telling herself stories. When she was younger she used to tell them out loud. Sometimes I stood outside her door and listened to her stories. It was very cute. I felt like I was invading her privacy though and didn't do it often. And she's stopped talking out loud to herself a few months ago anyway."

„Okay then" Rick smiled. „Do you wanna stay another night too?"

Kate bit her lip. „If you don't mind?" she asked hesitantly. It wasn't even that she didn't want to leave her daughter here with him without her. It was more that she wanted to spend time with him again. She'd had a good time last night.

„Of course I don't mind" Rick told her. „I wouldn't know what to do with my time if you went home anyway. I would probably start a text conversation with you" he chuckled. „Come on. I'll get you something to drink. What do you want?"


	12. Chapter 12

_Sorry for the much too long wait. I haven't abandoned the story. Hope you are still reading. _

O-o-o-o-o

„How do I write ‚grandpa', mommy?" Claire asked. They were making invitations for her fifth birthday which was in about two weeks. Kate had bought cards and had cut out pieces of paper were Claire could draw something for each of her guests. She'd write the names of her guests too and Kate would fill in the rest.

Kate closed her eyes for a moment and send a silent prayer to heaven that her father could make it to Claire's birthday. He'd been there last year but he'd missed her third and her second birthday. She picked the sheet of paper where already a lot of names were written down and wrote the word down for her.

„Here you go" Kate said and turned the sheet when she was finished so Claire could copy the word.

„Thanks" she said and carefully wrote it in the corner of the card before she handed it over to her mother. Kate looked at the drawing. It showed Claire and her grandfather, holding hands. Of course they were smiling. Kate's heart pulled together at the sight painfully. She wished she'd get to see a picture like this more often. In real life. Not on paper.

„You did good, Claire" she praised the drawing. Because even if she'd already had to draw so many pictures for all the cards she'd been patient the whole time.

„Did you look at the sun?" Claire asked, pointing at the sun in the picture. Kate hadn't but she did now. Flying in the sun was a drawing of a woman with brown hair. The woman had wings. An angel. „That's grandma Johanna."

Kate's eyes teared up. She pit on her lip hard to stop herself from crying. Instead she smiled at Claire. „It's beautiful, baby."

„When can we bring them to all the people?" Claire asked, excited.

„I'm gonna take the ones for your uncles and aunt with me to work tomorrow and you'll take the ones for your preschool friends to school tomorrow. I'll drop grandpa Jim's off at his place on my way back from work sometime this week" Kate told her. She'd love to take Claire to give the invitation to her grandfather herself but she was never sure if he was maybe drunk so she couldn't do it.

„What about Alexis and Rick and grams?" Claire asked. „Can we go give them the invitations now?"

Kate hid her smile at the question. Of course Claire would want to go back there immediately after she'd finished the task of making invitations for her birthday.

After they'd woken up this morning at the loft they'd had breakfast. Rick had made it again and Kate had been angry at herself for not setting an alarm on her phone. She'd wanted to beat him to the kitchen to prepare breakfast but for some reason the girls had woken up Rick before her again. This time though they'd helped him make breakfast and had come to wake her up when they were finished, asking her if she'd rather keep sleeping or have breakfast with them. Of course she'd gotten up, not wanting Rick to have to watch them on his own again.

After breakfast she had been able to get Claire home without protest by telling her they needed to make invitations for her birthday. They'd spent the whole morning with that, had sandwiches for lunch in between their work and had finished a little later.

„They are not home" Kate told her. „They went to the zoo." Rick had told her about their plans when they were cleaning up the breakfast table. He'd asked if they wanted to accompany them but she'd refused since they had to make invitations. They probably were a little late already. But with all the stress of the past weeks Kate just hadn't been able to do it sooner.

O-o-o-o-o

„Hello my sweet girl" Kate greeted her daughter when she picked her up from preschool the next day.

„Mommy!" Claire jumped into her arms and hugged her tightly. Kate squeezed back and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head.

„How was your day?" Kate asked while she carried Claire a few steps.

„It was great" Claire told her and wriggled free. Kate sat her down and took her hand instead. „Do you know what Jason told the rest of the class?" she asked.

„What did he tell you?" Kate asked. It seemed to be very interesting since Claire normally didn't like Jason that much. She always told Kate that he was mean to her and the other girls and told the other boys to also be mean to the girls which Claire found very unfair because some of them were her friends.

„He went to a wedding at the weekend" Claire told her excitedly. Claire loved weddings. She'd been on two, Kevin's and a colleague's of Josh. Both times she'd been a flower girl. She'd loved it so much and she'd looked so adorable in her pretty dress and with the flower crown on her head. „And that's not even the best part. Because guess who got married."

Kate shrugged. „I have no idea, Claire." Since Jason wasn't one of Claire's friends she didn't know anything about his family. She only knew that his parents had divorced each other last year and that he had stayed with his father.

„His dad. And now comes the awesome part, mommy. He's got a sister and a brother now. Because his daddy's new wife has a daughter and a son. Did you know that you can get siblings when your parents get married?" she asked excitedly. „I was totally surprised when the teacher told us."

Kate was just about to say something when Claire continued. „So, can you marry Rick so Alexis can be my sister?"

Kate choked on air at the question. She hadn't expected that at all. Bad enough that Lanie wanted her to get together with Rick. Now Claire wanted that too.

„No, baby" she started and was about to tell her why when Claire's eyes clouded with disappointment, angry tears not far away.

„Why not? Jason got siblings too" Claire complained, her voice whiny.

„Because you don't just marry someone. You have to really think about it. And you have to be in love with the person you are marrying" Kate explained.

„Can't you be in love with Rick?" Claire whined.

„That's not something I can control. Falling in love isn't something you decide to do. It just happens" Kate explained. Despite falling in love with Rick wasn't something she thought of as a good idea. Just like she'd told Lanie that would just be way too complicated for numerous reasons. Plus falling in love wasn't always mutual but that was something else that Claire didn't need to know yet.

„How does it happen?" Claire asked.

„It's very hard to explain, Claire" Kate said. „You'll understand when you are older. But you don't have to be upset. You'll still see Alexis all the time because Rick and I are best friends too. Like you and Alexis."

„You are?" Claire asked. Kate nodded smiling, happy that they could go back to easier topics. Friendship was so much easier to explain than love.

O-o-o-o-o

„What's bugging you, Claire?" Lanie asked a few days later. Kate had dropped her of at her place because she wanted to bring the birthday invitation to her father. Claire though had been quieter than usual. Lanie wondered if she had a fight at preschool or something like that.

„How does falling in love happen?" the little girl asked.

„Oh well" Lanie hadn't seen that question coming. „Are you falling in love? Is there a boy at your school you like?"

Claire shook her head. „Have you fallen in love with someone?" she asked.

„Sure. Not right now though. But I have before" Lanie told her honestly.

„How did you do it? How did you know?" Claire asked. She was a curious little thing and Lanie wondered where all the questions about falling _in _love were coming from. She knew Kate had told her that she'd fallen out of love with Josh so Lanie would have guessed that would be of more interest for her. But she knew her niece enough to know that she would get to know where all the questions were coming from as long as she answered all of them patiently and to Claire's satisfaction.

„I didn't do it. It happens on its own" Lanie explained. „But I knew because I couldn't stop thinking about the man I was in love with. He made me smile and he made me laugh and he comforted me when I was sad. We could talk to each other for hours too. And I missed him when I hadn't seen him for a few days."

„That's all?" Claire asked surprised. Well, Lanie thought, there were _some _other things but they weren't for little ears. And for Lanie they weren't linked to love anyway.

„Yeah, why?" Lanie asked.

„Because Rick does all these things and mommy still isn't in love with him" Claire said frustrated. Oh. That was where this was coming from. Lanie suppressed a grin.

„Does he now?" she asked. Claire nodded. Good to know, Lanie thought

„Why do you want your mommy to fall in love with Rick?" Lanie asked.

„Because I want Alexis to be my sister" Claire told her. „So mommy has to marry Rick. But she said she won't marry him because she isn't in love with him."

Oh my, Lanie thought. As much as she would want to side with her little niece on this, she couldn't.

„Claire, come here, sweetie" she said, and petted her lap. Claire climbed up and looked at Lanie expectantly.

„Look, I get that you want Alexis to be your sister. She's your best friend and you love her and you want to see her all the time. But you can't make your mommy fall in love with Rick. If it happens that's great but if not that's okay too. She will still schedule a lot of play dates for you and Alexis. I know it's not the same as you imagine being sisters to be but it's great too" Lanie said. „And Claire, your mommy probably didn't tell you that but falling _out of _love hurts. And sometimes you have to heal first before you can fall _in _love again."

„Does mommy still have to heal because she fell out of love with daddy?" Claire wondered out loud.

„I don't know. But let's just be happy that she's not too sad about it right now, okay?" Lanie asked. Because in the end that's what she cared about too. Kate had been through so much and she deserved to be happy with or without a man. Though Lanie did think that a little adult fun once in a while wouldn't hurt. But marriage… That was a whole different story.

„So you don't think she can fall in love with Rick?" Claire asked a little disappointed.

„She might" Lanie said. „But it's not something you can influence. You just keep asking your mommy for play dates with Alexis and Rick. If she falls in love with Rick or not is her heart's decision and can't even be influenced by herself."

„Okay" Claire agreed.

„Okay?" Lanie asked, just to be sure that she'd answered all Claire's questions.

The little girl nodded.

„Can I marry Alexis then?" Claire asked.

„Sure" Lanie told her. „When you are old enough"

„Jason said girls can't marry girls" Claire pouted.

„Sure they can" Lanie said. „Do you wanna help me make dinner?"

Claire nodded excitedly. „Alexis is helping her daddy make dinner all the time too"

Lanie smiled at her. Then they went to the kitchen where Lanie checked her phone, noticing that she had a message from Kate.

She opened it to read it and immediately felt bad for her friend. Oh my. This couldn't mean anything good. Lanie sighed. She typed a reply and then turned to Claire with a smile.

„How do you feel about a sleepover with you dear old aunt Lanie?" she asked.

„Can we stay up till the wee hours of the morning again?" Claire asked excitedly. Lanie laughed. She'd said that to Kate once that she would let Claire stay up till the wee hours of the morning. The little girl immediately had picked up the line and know thought it meant watching movies until about 9 pm with a lot of snacks just to fall asleep on the couch.

9 pm was still later than Kate preferred for her daughter to sleep but it wasn't anywhere near the wee hours in the morning and once in a while Kate didn't care. Especially not tonight Lanie figured.

„Like we always do" Lanie winked. „But don't tell your mom about it" she joked. Claire giggled.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate rung the doorbell a few times but the door didn't open. She took a deep breath. This wasn't a good sign. She got her key out and unlocked the door.

To her disgust the smell of alcohol hit her nose. She swallowed the urge to just turn around and went into the house and closed the door behind her.

„Dad?" she called but got no answer. She went into the kitchen and found her father asleep next to a couple of empty bottles of whiskey and wondered how many were from today.

She put her hand on his shoulder and shook it a little „Dad" she said. He stirred.

„Dad, wake up" she said louder.

He blinked and pushed his head from the table. He looked at her and she could tell he was concentrating to focus on her. „Katie, hi" he smiled the ugly smile of a too drunken man.

„Hello dad" she greeted him back. „Do you know what date today is?"

„Yes" he answered but then she could see that he was thinking again. „I didn't miss something, did I?" he seemed to sober up a little at the thought that he could have missed an important date. Today was a significant date too which was probably why he was _this_ drunk in the first place. But still he should remember his granddaughter.

„Not yet" Kate answered, a little coldly but she couldn't help herself. „But you will if you keep drinking so much. Do you even know which date you should remember right now?"

„Um…" he seemed to be concentrating very hard and Kate closed her eyes at the wave of bone-shattering disappointment. Maybe coming today of all days had been a mistake but she had needed to check on him. She was always scared that he drunk himself to death on this date. Her parents wedding anniversary.

„I'll give you a hint" she told him. „To me it's the most important date in the world."

„Um…your birthday?" he took a guess, but in the way his brows were furrowed together she could tell that he already figured that he was wrong but he seemed to not be able to remember what she wanted to get at. And that itself made her so nauseous she didn't think she could eat anything at all for the rest of the week. How could he not remember his granddaughter? Kate swallowed hard.

„It's not November for heaven's sake, dad. It's June" Kate said, close to tears.

„June" Jim said but his voice sounded far away. Suddenly in some kind of drunken delirium again. Then he looked at her with clouded eyes. They seemed even more unfocused than they were when he'd first woken up. „Johanna. Will you marry me?" he said as if he were just remembering that day from so long ago.

Kate though couldn't take it. It was like old days all over again. Back before she'd been pregnant with Claire and had tried to get her father to stop drinking. She'd visited him more often then and sometimes he'd been so drunk he'd mistaken her for her mother. It had always been the most horrible moments when her own father didn't even recognize her. It felt like every time he called her by her mother's name he was stabbing her in the heart. Denying her. Forgetting about his own daughter. Not loving her at all. Which Kate _knew _wasn't true. But she couldn't help but feel like this. How could he love her if he forgot about her?

She slapped him. Tears were clouding her vision now. Her father didn't remember her or his granddaughter. Kate felt like throwing up. Why didn't he love her enough to pull himself together to be there for them?

„Claire's birthday. It's Claire's birthday next week, dad" Kate said icily. „Your granddaughter is turning five. And she's inviting you." Kate took the invitation out of her bag and looked at the picture again. She almost feared what would happen to it if she gave it to her dad now. Would he spill alcohol on it? The thought was unbearable. Claire had taken so much care in drawing the picture.

She carefully put the invitation down on a relatively clear spot on the table anyway and then turned without saying goodbye.

Back in her car Kate couldn't stop the waterfall of tears coming out of her eyes. For a while she just sat in the car. Her vision too clouded to drive anywhere. And then when she could finally think straight again she pulled out her phone and sent a text to Lanie.

**Can you keep Claire over night? **

About five minutes later Lanie's reply came.

**That bad? Of course I'll keep Claire. Anything else I can do for you? **

Kate shook her head, thanked her friend and then started the car.

How could she have gotten her hopes up so high that she was so devastated now? It hadn't been the first time she'd found her dad this way but somehow it had been worse than it had been in a long time. Maybe it was because there was already so much going on with the break up and everything. Josh not going to be there at Claire's birthday probably played a part too. She probably had hoped that at least her father would be there. But right now it didn't seem like he would be able to put himself together till then.

Kate swallowed hard, trying to force new upcoming tears down when she stopped the car. She bit herself on the lips to stop herself from crying again when she got out. Only then noticing that she wasn't standing in front of her own home rather than somewhere else…


	13. Chapter 13

_Because people commented on Claire's (and Alexis') too mature language: I'm sorry about it. But since English is not my mother language and I haven't met that many english-speaking kids I don't really know what words and expressions they would use and which they wouldn't. Just wanted to let you know that, in case more of you were wondering. _

O-o-o-o-o

Martha knocked on the doorframe to Richard's office. He was typing but at a normal pace so she knew she wouldn't interrupt him in a critical moment. He wouldn't loose his words if she talked to him now.

He typed a few more words and then looked up questioningly. Martha sat down on the other chair in the room.

„I was wondering if we are still on for the Hamptons this year" she said. She'd been thinking a lot about her son and Katherine and their relationship. She'd seen the young woman and her daughter once more this week and was sure that she and Richard would fit perfectly together. But they both didn't seem to have realized it yet or weren't ready. So she'd decided to not do much about it. One idea had stuck with her though. And she didn't have to do anything for it really. She just had to plant the idea in Richard's head and let it develop from there. „Or if you're not going because Alexis would miss Claire terribly" and he'd miss Kate, she didn't say.

She could see realization in his eyes, telling her he hadn't been thinking about it at all.

„I don't know" he said, clearly thinking now. He loved their yearly time at the Hamptons and so did Alexis but Martha knew that he was jumping in whenever Kate needed a babysitter for Claire. Martha didn't know what was wrong with her father but she definitely didn't depend on him. She'd figured that much out when she'd talked to Claire. And Kate's mother was dead Clair had told her so she wasn't available as babysitter either. „I mean, I'd love to go but you are right. Alexis would miss Claire. I don't think that either of them would be happy if we were going there that long."

„I'm sure you'll come up with a solution" Martha told him confidently. She already had an idea what the solution could look like but she wouldn't tell him. He would come on it himself. „Just let me know when to expect you. Cause I'll be going anyway"

„Of course you are" he said. „Probably going to set the house on fire" he added in the usual tone he used when he was joking, but pretending to really mean it.

„A little party never killed nobody" Martha replied. Richard groaned.

He was just about to respond to his mother when there was a knock on the front door. He looked at his watch. He didn't expect visitors but it wasn't late. Alexis was in bed already though. She'd been unusually tired so he'd put her to bed early, hoping she wasn't coming down with something. She hadn't eaten anything either and had said her tummy was hurting.

Thinking it might be a neighbor asking for eggs or an onion or something else essential to cooking Richard went to the door to open. His mother followed, having wanted to make an exit soon anyway. She'd just stopped by on her way on the way to meet a friend to plant the idea in Richard's head.

When he opened the front door though Rick was immediately swamped with concern. In front of him stood Kate, her eyes red, her cheeks puffy. She'd been crying. Her make-up was everywhere aside from where it should be. And there was no one beside her.

„What's wrong?" Rick asked, a little panicked already. „Where's Claire?" He looked around in the hallway frantically but the little girl was nowhere to be seen.

Oh god. Had something happened to Claire? Why wasn't she here with Kate? What other reason could there be for Kate to cry and appear on his doorstep looking like this?

„With Lanie. Claire's fine" Kate said, using as little words as possible. Rick took a breath of relief. Nothing was wrong with Claire. But what then?

„Invite the girl in, Richard" came the scolding voice of his mother. She seemed concerned too but when Kate noticed her she flinched, taking a step back as if she was about to go. She hadn't thought about the fact that he might not be alone. She glanced at her watch and noticed that it wasn't even bedtime for Alexis.

„Yeah, of course. Come in" Rick said quickly and opened the door wider, stepping out into the hallway to put a hand on her lower back to guide her inside. He of course had noticed her flinch when she'd caught sight of his mother, clearly not expecting her there. „Mother was just about to leave and Alexis is already sleeping."

„Yes" Martha agreed, wondering what was wrong but sensing too that Katherine hadn't expected her here nor wanted her to be here right now. She was terribly upset about something and was searching Richard out. Who was she to stand in the way of that? „I'm already gone. Goodbye" and then she quickly made her exit, closing the door behind her.

„Come on" Rick said. „Let's go to the couch and sit down." He gently guided her and she let him, not yet talking.

He sat down close beside her, his hand still on her back, hoping the contact was soothing. At least it didn't seem to be uncomfortable for her since she didn't pull back or anything.

He could feel her take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her body shook irregularly with it.

„Are you sure Claire is fine?" Rick asked. He couldn't think of anything else that would have her so devastated. Kate nodded though.

„Okay" he said, at a loss of what to do now.

„I don't even know why I came here" Kate said. „I thought I was driving home. But I ended up in front of your building." She took another deep breath and for the moment the up and down movement of Rick's hand on her back was soothing and comforting. When she'd noticed she had ended up at Rick's building she'd thought about turning around and driving home instead like she'd planned too but she'd suddenly felt the urge to see him. Hoping that he would be able to cheer her up. He was good at that after all.

She started to doubt the decision to come up here now though. On one hand she wanted to talk to him about her father and have him comfort her, on the other hand she didn't think it would be a good idea. Did he even want to listen to her problems? Would he even understand?

Sure they had talked about their recent break-ups and the problems following them and had comforted each other. But her alcoholic father was a completely different thing. It was so much harder and hurt so much more. It left her so insecure and unconfident about herself.

Josh had known about her dad's alcoholism of course and hadn't wanted that they left Claire alone with him. And while Kate hadn't been too fond of that herself she had known and trusted her dad to not drink while he was with Claire. But Josh had judged and had been so insensitive about the topic and about Kate's mixed feelings towards her dad that she didn't really like to share this detail of her life with anybody.

What if Rick judged too? What if he made a comment about it that would hurt her? She liked the easy friendship they had where he always knew the right thing to say to make her feel better. She didn't want to lose that.

But that was it, wasn't it? He always knew the right thing to say. Maybe, just maybe he would say the right thing about this too. She didn't know what the right thing was but maybe he would know.

„It's about my dad" she told him. „I went to see him today to bring him the invitation to Claire's birthday."

His stroking hand on her back didn't waver for a second. He looked at her with those deep blue eyes. They were so kind and full of concern for her, so open for anything she might say next. Calm and reassuring. She took another deep breath.

"After my mother" she hesitated. She was about to say _was murdered_ but then backed off in the last second. She wasn't ready to talk about that yet. „After my mother died, my father started drinking. Before I got pregnant with Claire I was spending a lot of my time trying to get him out of the bottle. Without success. Sometimes he was sober for a few weeks and promised to stay away from alcohol. I always got my hopes up despite my better judgement. And he always disappointed me. I would be crushed for weeks. Then I got pregnant with Claire and started one last attempt. I was hoping so much that this time he would stay sober. For me. To be there for me. For Claire. To be there for his grandchild" she stopped to take the tissue Rick was holding out for her. She hadn't noticed that she had started crying again but of course she had. How could she not? She dried her tears, inhaled shakily and continued.

"And he did stop after I told him. The longest time he stayed sober ever since my mother was gone. But just a few days before Claire was born, on my parent's wedding anniversary, he started drinking again. I've never really understood why. Sure that date had always been especially hard for him but he'd been happy to have a grandchild soon. He'd been _better._ I was so crushed when I visited him the next day and he was still drunk from the day before. I cried and cried and cried for days. And then Claire was born. And she was so beautiful and so little and perfect. And I called dad to tell him. But he didn't pick up." She looked at Rick, big fat tears in her eyes. He held his arm out for her and she gladly sank into his embrace and buried her face in his chest for a moment.

"He knew I was nine months pregnant and that the baby could be born any minute and he didn't pick up when I called. He just didn't pick up, Rick" she sobbed, she had clutched his shirt in her hand and was clinging to him.

Well, she had thought she was over it. Obviously not. Here she was, sobbing into Richard Castle's chest about an ignored phone call almost five years ago. Rick Castle, her best friend.

He was caressing her back in a soothing motion. Once she calmed down she pulled away a little to continue talking.

"He called back a few hours later but when he did his words were still slurred. And while I talked to him on the phone Claire was crying. She'd just woken up from her very first nap and was crying because she was hungry. And I was on the phone with my father who couldn't even stay sober long enough to meet his granddaughter on the day of her 's when I decided to cut contact to my dad. Or stop wasting my energy on trying to get him sober. And until today I feel so bad for giving up on him and I can't forgive myself but I have Claire and I just can't deal with the emotional stress of always getting disappointed by my dad. We meet occasionally. When he calls me sober. Most times I bring Claire. When we really couldn't find someone to watch Claire I called him. Josh didn't like it but he didn't hate it enough to take time off from work. When dad was sober he would be just like the grandfather I wish she could have all the time, when he wasn't I took time off from work or I brought her to the precinct when I knew that it would be a slow day."

She looks up at him, locking eyes. "And I _know _he doesn't drink when he is with Claire. I trust him that much. I just I don't trust him with himself."

"Or your heart" Rick says so gently and so sad for her sake that it breaks her heart all over again. He pulls her tighter against him and drops a kiss to the crown of her head in comfort.

She nodded. He was right. She didn't trust her dad with her heart. Not anymore. She wished she could. So much.

"I just feel like I'm letting him down. Like I let my _mom _down by abandoning my dad. They loved each other so much. She would be so disappointed that I gave up instead of trying harder. She would be mad." Tears were flowing rapidly. She had never confessed this to anyone. Her feelings of guilt.

"Kate, no." Rick protested. "Sadly I didn't get to know her, but your mom could never be disappointed in you. You are saving yourself and your daughter from heavy emotional distress. And it's not your fault that your dad is coping like he is."

_Coping like he is. _She could kiss him for that. Where did this man come from anyway? He didn't put the blame on her dad. He saw it for what it was. An addiction. A disease.

Kate sighed a shaky breath. "I know. Rationally I know that. But that's how I feel and no matter how hard I try I just can't rationalize my feelings away."

Rick didn't know what to say for a few minutes. He didn't know how to help her. But Kate didn't expect him too. She enjoyed his arms around her and how safe and warm she felt. How comforting it was to share this terrible part of her life with him and not have him judging. She left her face buried against the now wet fabric of his shirt covering his chest. The tears were slowly stopping to flow but she didn't feel like pulling out of his comforting embrace at all.

"Maybe he needs regularity" Rick contemplated after some time in which he'd just held her. "Maybe then he would be able to stay away from alcohol."

"We already tried that" Kate sighed. "Years ago. He went to AA meetings twice a week but it just wouldn't help"

"That wasn't the regularity I was talking about. I was thinking about family" Rick said gently.

"I tried that too. For some time we met once a week and he was mostly sober but then he would start again once our meeting was over. And then when it was closer to December and therefore Christmas he forgot our meeting more times than not."

"Don't get me wrong, Kate. I guess that's a good start. But meeting you once a week isn't having family. It's nice and all. But your dad probably lost his center of life when your mother died. And I don't think that if I were in your father's shoes meeting my daughter once a week for a few hours would be enough if the rest of my week felt like hell."

Kate pulled back and stared at him, shocked. "So you are saying that there isn't any hope? That I will never be enough to pull my dad out of his rabbit hole?" Maybe he was right. But how dare he to say that? She tried to free herself from his embrace.

"God, Kate, no!" Rick protested and held her tighter so she couldn't break their contact. "That's not at all what I wanted to say. What I was trying to say…" he started but then broke up.

"You said he wouldn't _ever _drink while being with Claire?" he asked instead. Kate nodded.

"Did you, I don't know, ever try to include him more in your family life with Claire and Josh? Like spending the weekend together, going to the zoo, the museum, the playground. Or going on vacation together or something like that?"

Kate stared at him for a few moments. That would sound like a great idea if things wouldn't have been like they had been. She shook her head.

"Josh didn't want Claire to have anything to do with her alcoholic grandfather and he didn't like him. They really didn't get along too well. Dad didn't like Josh either. He never said it. I think that he felt that he had no right to judge over my boyfriends, not after he had started drinking. But I could feel it. He didn't approve of Josh and Josh didn't like him either. So no, that idea never even occurred to me." Kate told him.

Rick was contemplating if he should make the suggestion that was swirling around in his head or if it was a bad idea.

"Well, if you ever want to try again I would love to support you. I'd like to meet your dad sometime if you were willing to introduce us. Maybe he'd like to come over to the loft to have dinner with us and the girls. Maybe he could play with them. I'm sure they can make him happy for some time. At least for me it's always a joy to watch them play."

Kate stared at him. Her eyes were watering. This time not out of sadness or disappointment but because she was so moved about his willingness to help her in that difficult aspect of her life. He was really the perfect friend, wasn't he?

"You would let Alexis meet my alcoholic father?" she asked incredulous.

He shrugged. "Well, I'd like to meet him first. But he can't be that bad. I mean he was a part in raising you. And you are amazing."

Kate blushed and even smiled a little. But then she shook her head again. She didn't think this was a good idea.

"But Rick, it could go wrong. And I don't want Alexis to be disappointed. Or Claire. Or myself. Or you. Because I think you are really in danger of getting disappointed given how hopeful you are that this would be working."

"I'd explain to Alexis. And you could do the same with Claire. And for myself… I would take the risk. Provided that you would want it, of course. You are my best friend and your dad is a part of you. He is your family. And I don't know if you've noticed but I think family is important."

"You are amazing, Rick. Do you know that?" She looked up at him. He smiled at her like she had just given him the greatest compliment of his life.

"I just want to help" he told her and pulled her even closer, kissing the crown of her head without thinking.

Kate decided to think about it. Maybe she was ready to try again. Maybe this time she would succeed. And even if she didn't Rick would be there, right? He would help her through it. Because he was her her best friend. She hadn't of him as that before but she liked the label he'd given their relationship. Best friends.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick found himself writing about Kate. He hadn't done that before. He hadn't written about her before. In fact he hadn't written about a real person in a long time. He'd written about characters that were inspired by real persons. He did that all the time. But he hadn't written about a real person since he'd been with Kyra.

He wrote on paper. He didn't feel like typing on a keyboard right now. No. He'd taken out his notebook and his favorite pen and had just started to write down whatever came to his mind.

After his conversation with Kate he'd itched to write. She'd gone upstairs to the guest room to stay overnight. She would have to get up extra early to go home, change, pick up Claire at Lanie's, go home again and then take Claire to preschool. But despite the complications Kate had immediately agreed when he'd offered his guest room for her to stay in again. He figured that she didn't feel like driving or that she didn't want to be in her apartment right now.

Now the words had stopped flowing out of his fingers and he was almost afraid of reading what he had written about her. He closed the notebook and put it into his nightstand. He wouldn't read it now. His curiosity would get the better of him soon enough but right now he was content with having written down all his thoughts.

He knew what he'd written about. He just didn't remember the exact words he'd used. But he'd written about the way Kate had confided in him. How she was even stronger than he had thought she was. How proud it made him feel to be the one she could talk to about these kind of things. How she'd felt in his arms when he'd held her, how she'd clung to his shirt as if she was holding onto him for dear life. How her hair smelled like cherries and how soft it felt against his lips when he'd softly and unthinkingly kissed the top of her head. He hadn't thought about it when he'd done it. Twice. But in retrospect he was almost afraid of what it meant.

Thinking about it he realized he might be interested in her in _that _way. Yeah, he might have a little crush on Kate Beckett. She was strong and soft and loving and gorgeous. She was just extraordinary. So no, he didn't have a crush on her. He was falling in love with her, he realized. That didn't mean he had to act on it though. He liked their friendship. And a friend was what Kate needed right now. So, a friend he would be.

O-o-o-o-o

_I'm working on Claire's birthday party. So if anybody would like to give me some insider information for kids birthday parties in the US feel free to pm me. Because I'm pretty sure it's different than how a birthday of a kid is celebrated in Germany. _


	14. Chapter 14

_Thanks a lot to all your reviews and especially for the insights on birthday parties. A friend who has family in New York told me that they had to invite all the other kids from daycare or preschool plus their parents and siblings. _

_In Germany most parents tell their kids that they can invite as many kids as they are old (so Claire would be allowed to invite 5) and the parents usually just drop them off and then pick them up or if the kids live close by they'll be brought home. Unless the kids are very shy. Then the parents are invited too but that's rare. _

_The birthday party isn't until one or two chapters away though since something else wanted to get written first _

_Somebody asked why Josh's parents can't help with Claire. I'll answer that somewhere in the next few chapters. _

o-o-o-o-o

„Hey Kate" Rick rasped into his phone, his throat feeling like sandpaper even with only those two little words. He swallowed in an attempt to make his voice sound better but even that hurt.

Alexis had been very sleepy the last three days, a little grumpy too and had a fever one evening but she'd recovered fast and was now all well again. But now it seemed that he'd caught the little cold his daughter had had. Only that instead of being a little sleepy his throat felt like a fire was burning there, his head hurt like hell and all his muscles felt sore. He hadn't felt this sick in years.

„I'm so sorry but I can't watch Claire today" he continued. Alexis would be so disappointed. She'd looked forward to finally be able to play with Claire again. The last four days she was not allowed to because they didn't want to pass the cold to Claire.

To be honest Rick had missed them too. He'd missed Kate. Since he'd realized his feelings for her they'd only grown stronger. They'd talked on the phone but that just wasn't the same then seeing her in person. He had enjoyed though listening to her telling him about her work and what Claire was doing. He was so awed how she managed to be a great detective and a fantastic mom. She was just so fascinating. All about her.

„I think I've caught Alexis' cold." He had to cough and held the phone away so Kate wouldn't hear the ugly noises up close. „Sorry" he said when he was finished.

„Nothing to be sorry for, Rick" Kate said. Her voice was gentle and Rick could make out that she was concerned about him. „But who's watching Alexis then? I thought your mother is away for a show this week?" During one of their daily evening phone calls he'd told her that his mother was going away for a few days because of some theater thing across country.

„She is" he said, his voice ugly and raspy, every word hurting his throat. „But Alexis will just watch TV or something like that. Sorry, that I can't watch Claire though. I know you need to go into work today. But I'm really not feeling up to watch two kids today." He felt bad. He'd told Kate he could watch Claire when she'd told him that her team was on shift today. And since it was Saturday she couldn't bring Claire into school of course. Lanie too had some kind of plans she couldn't cancel.

„Yeah, no of course not. I totally understand. I'll call later and please feel better" Kate told him, already running through her options in her mind of what to do with Claire instead.

„Thank you" he said and slumped back into his pillows for a few moments. Alexis would come downstairs soon so he had to get up. He slowly pushed the covers back and shivered. He was cold. He put on his robe and dragged himself to the kitchen where he made himself a cup of tea, hoping it would soothe his throat.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick lay on the couch while Alexis sat on the floor in front of him, her eyes glued to the TV.

Rick faded in and out of slumber, he was tired and exhausted despite the fact that he'd gotten up only an hour ago. But he couldn't really sleep because his aching throat and stuffy nose woke him all the time. And he didn't want to take anything that would help him sleep because that stuff always knocked him out completely and he didn't want to sleep that deeply while he was alone with Alexis.

His daughter of course was an angel. When she'd come down he'd given her a bowl of cereal and had explained that he wasn't feeling all that well and would have to take things slow today. She'd immediately remembered all the things she had to do and the things she weren't allowed to do when she had been sick and had told him he should lay down then and try to sleep. His sweet daughter. So after she had finished her breakfast they'd gone to the living room and he'd put on the TV for her so she wouldn't get bored.

The cartoon Alexis was watching made his headache worse though. His head was about to explode. He had taken something against the headache already but it wasn't helping yet. He guessed only real sleep would help. The pills had only made him feel sick in his stomach since he hadn't been able to eat anything. The only thing he felt like eating was soup but he couldn't stand up long enough to make some. Every bone in his body was hurting with every slight movement he did. So he would just stay on the couch and only get up if Alexis needed something. For his daughter he would find the energy.

After some time there was a knock on the door.

„Shall I get it, daddy?" Alexis asked, looking at him worriedly. She looked at him whenever he needed to cough and was very worried. Daddy's coughs were so loud and he looked very bad. She didn't like seeing her strong daddy being almost knocked out. It made her feel very uncomfortable. What if he felt even worse? What would she do then?

He shook his head. „We'll just ignore it." He really didn't want to get up but he wouldn't let his four year old daughter open the door alone when he had no idea who it would be.

Alexis looked at him even more worriedly, a slight fear in her eyes. Her father was always curious. He never not looked who was at the door.

But the knock came again, so he slowly got up, careful not to move too fast since every movement hurt.

He looked though the peephole and was surprised to see Kate. He opened.

„Hey" he rasped.

„Claire!" Alexis cheered behind him, having noticed her friend, holding her mother's hand.

„Hello Alexis" Claire greeted equally cheerful.

„Wow, you really look like hell" Kate said, taking in his appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes, his nose and lips looked sore and red while the rest of his face was awfully pale. His eyes were glassy, his forehead and neck seemed sweaty.

„Thanks" he huffed, having to suppress a cough. „But what are you doing here?"

„Well, since you couldn't watch Claire today I took the day off and thought I would relieve you of having to watch Alexis and take her out with us so you can get some rest."

„Oh wow, thanks Kate" he said, trying a smile. „That would be so great" he rasped, barely a tone coming out. His voice was getting worse with every word he was trying to push out. And his expression contorted in pain every time.

„Enough" Kate told him sternly. „You are not going to speak until your voice is better. Now give me a key and go to bed"

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it when Kate shot him a stern look. He just nodded then and went to his office to get his spare key to give it to Kate. Alexis was happily chatting with Claire and he was glad that she didn't have that worried look anymore. He hated to worry his little girl.

O-o-o-o-o

„What are we gonna do, mommy?" Claire asked. She was very happy that her mother had taken the day off and promised they would pick up Alexis to go somewhere.

„First, I'm gonna see if Rick needs anything. But the two of you can do something in the meantime to prepare for our day out" Kate told her daughter, then she turned to Alexis. „Do you know where your sun hat is? It's very sunny and hot outside. Think you can find something to dress that covers your shoulders so you won't get sunburned there?"

The dress Alexis was wearing was very cute but it had only thin straps and Kate could already see her pale skin turning red from the sun despite the fact that they of course would put on sun lotion.

„I know where the hat is and I can look for something else to dress" Alexis said proudly.

„I'm gonna help you choose something" Claire declared. „Do you have a light blue shirt like mine?" she asked as they went up the stairs.

A few minutes later Kate came out of Rick's office. She'd gotten him tea and water to go with the medication he was taking. Alexis and Claire were already waiting for her. Alexis had found a turquoise t-shirt that resembled Claire's slightly and dark blue shorts that looked almost identical.

„So, how about we go to the zoo?" Kate asked and laughed when they both cheered in excitement.

O-o-o-o-o

Rick woke up to a soar throat and a stuffy nose. He took a tissue and blew his nose. It was ugly and he had to use a second and third one all of which he threw to the floor beside his bed. Then he sank back to lay down again. Even just blowing his nose was exhausting.

A soft knock was heard on his bedroom door before it quietly and slowly opened. Kate's head poked in. When she saw that he was awake she opened the door further.

„Hey" she said softly „How are you?" Her smile was so gorgeous. He felt a little better just seeing it. He smiled back, though he was sure that he certainly didn't look good right now.

„A little better, I think. Though my stomach hurts now too. I think I'm hungry" he told her with a still hoarse voice. „Would you mind ordering some soup for me?"

„I've got something even better actually" she told him. Then she went out of the room and came back a few minutes later with a bowl of a steaming hot liquid. He wondered what it was and assumed he couldn't smell anything because of his stuffy nose. „I made you soup" she said and walked over to the side of his bed, putting the bowl on his nightstand.

„You made me soup?" he rasped. He looked at her in was… that was very kind of her. Very thoughtful. She'd taken the time to make him soup. He didn't remember the last time somebody had made him soup. He remembered his nanny making him soup when he was a child and got sick and his mother couldn't take time off because money had been really tight at that time.

„It's the least I could do" she told him with a shrug. „You help me out all the time with Claire. I'm glad I can return something to you. Though I'm sorry that you are sick."

„Where are the girls?" he asked. He wondered how long he'd slept.

„Upstairs. Getting ready for bed hopefully" Kate told him.

„Bed?" he gasped. „What time is it? How long did I sleep?" He looked around frantically for his watch. He tried to get up when he couldn't find it. Kate gently pushed him back.

„Relax. I've got everything under control" she said. „It's seven. After I picked Alexis up this morning we went to the zoo and came back around noon. On the way we picked up some groceries. I thought you might be in the mood for soup. We weren't though since it's pretty hot outside so we had sandwiches. They played in Alexis' room all afternoon and for dinner we had pasta with vegetables. I read in your living room and checked on you occasionally. You were fast asleep though"

„Sorry, Kate" he mumbled. „I didn't mean to sleep this long"

Kate shook her head. „Don't worry. You needed it."

„Thanks" he said and gave her a smile that warmed her insides. She smiled back at him. Something in his eyes was shining. And it wasn't fever. Though she could see fever shining in his eyes too. But underneath was something else. An emotion she couldn't read.

„I thought Claire and I would sleep here, if that's okay with you" Kate asked. She'd figured it would be the easiest thing. Rick didn't seem to be that much better so Kate figured that he wouldn't be too sad if she watched his daughter tonight too. She would have taken Alexis home with them of course but Alexis' hadn't wanted that before and she probably didn't want it tonight when she was worried about her dad. Plus Kate wouldn't be able to look after Rick then. Of course he was a grown man and could care for himself even while sick but he didn't seem to mind being cared for.

„Of course that's okay" Rick said with a smile and she smiled back.

o-o-o-o-o

„Daddy is gonna be okay again, right?" Alexis asked when Kate pulled up the covers over her and Claire. She'd already read them a story and was about to tell them goodnight.

„Of course he is" Kate immediately reassured her. „He just has a cold. He will be perfectly all right in a few days. He will probably feel better tomorrow or the day after if we let him rest and make him soup and tea."

„Okay" Alexis said and pulled her stuffed animal, a monkey, closer to her chest.

„If you need anything call for me" Kate told them. „I'll be downstairs for a bit but I'm gonna sleep in the bedroom next door. So when you wake up tomorrow you wake me, okay?"

They agreed and Kate told them goodnight before she left the room and went downstairs. Kate was putting the left over soup into the fridge and had just finished cleaning the dishes when her phone rung. She glanced at the caller's ID and was surprised to see that it was her father calling.

„Hi dad" she said carefully when she picked up. It had been a few days since she'd been at her dad's place and she really hoped he was better. Calling her though was most times a good sign.

„Hello Katie" Jim said and he sounded sober. Kate sighed in relief.

„I've got the invitation to Claire's birthday party and I just wanted to tell you that I'll try to make it" he told her. Kate hoped for an apology for the other day but if she were honest with herself she already knew that it wouldn't come. She was pretty sure that her father couldn't remember her visit at all.

„That's great, dad. Claire would be very happy to see you there. I would be too" she told him honestly. „But since we are already talking now anyway, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a few weeks, dad."

„What is it, Katie" Jim asked. He sounded normal. They were having a normal conversation. That was so rare Kate almost wanted to cry in relief. And in grief. Because good days only reminded her of the fact how rare they were.

„Josh and I broke up" she told him and shoved her thoughts away for the moment.

„Really?" Jim asked and Kate could hear the relief in his voice.

She rolled her eyes „Don't sound so sad about it."

„Sorry Katie" he said honestly now. Jim Beckett had never liked his daughter's boyfriend but he didn't want her to be broken-hearted either. „How are you?"

„I'm good actually" she replied. „It's been hard at first but I'm good. Claire is too." For a moment Kate thought about telling him about Alexis and Rick because they were the main reason they felt good in spite of the break-up. But she decided against telling him on the phone. But…

„There's someone I want you to meet though. A friend" Kate said hesitantly.

„What kind of friend?" Jim asked and the teasing tone he used reminded Kate of earlier years. Or maybe not. Because he hadn't been amused by her dating back when her mother had still been alive. Not that she was dating Rick. But that was clearly what he thought. „A boyfriend?"

„No, dad. Not a boyfriend" Kate said, her eyes rolling. All the while she wished that this would be a regular occurrence, her dad teasing her about something, not feeling like he was stepping on egg shells. Or being to drunk to really listen to her and have a decent conversation. „Just a very good friend."

„All right. When do you want to meet?" he asked, the teasing tone gone.

Then they scheduled a date where they would get together at a coffee shop with Rick. Kate told her father though that she would need to check in with him first. Not to mention him being sick but Kate was confident that he would be better by then. Otherwise she would just go without him, maybe take Claire.

Rick though wanted to meet her dad too, Kate knew. After their first conversation about her father he had brought it up a few days ago on a phone conversation and told her he was ready to meet her father whenever she felt like introducing them.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate had found a very interesting book in Rick's collection. She was absorbed in it and was eagerly turning the pages. It was past the time she'd wanted to go to bed but she just couldn't put the book down. So she was still sitting in the living room when bare feet tiptoed down the stairs.

„Mommy" Claire called when she was halfway down.

Kate put the book down and got up to get to her daughter.

„Hey baby, what's wrong?" she asked. Claire was rubbing her eyes. She was clearly sleepy so Kate knew she hadn't had a nightmare. She was always wide awake when she had one.

„Alexis is crying. She wants to go to her daddy" Claire explained, a yawn interrupting her explanation.

„Let's see if I can comfort her" Kate said and walked up the stairs with her sleepy daughter. When they got back into Alexis room the girl was sitting in her bed, crying. Claire climbed back in and looked at her still crying friend worriedly. She'd woken up because Alexis had been crying next to her so Claire had of course asked her what was wrong but when she hadn't been able to comfort her friend she'd gone to get her mommy. Kate sat down on the edge of the bed beside Alexis. Claire relaxed a little. Mommy was going to take care of Alexis. She didn't need to worry anymore.

„I want to go to daddy" Alexis cried, Monkey Bunkey cradled against her chest.

„What's wrong, Alexis? Why are you so sad?" Kate asked gently.

„I dreamed that daddy was in the hospital and I couldn't go there with him" Alexis sobbed.

„Hey, hey" Kate soothed. „Don't cry. You want to go see him?"

Alexis nodded.

„Come here" Kate said and took Alexis up in her arms. „We're just gonna peek into his bedroom so you can see him, okay?" Alexis nodded. Kate told Claire that they would be back in a few minutes and then carried Alexis downstairs and through the office. Kate shifted her to one arm and then opened the door to Rick's bedroom quietly.

„He's still there" Alexis said when she saw her dad, already much calmer. She'd stopped crying on the way down.

„He is" Kate confirmed. „You ready to go back to bed now?" She asked after a few more moments. Alexis nodded.

On their way up Alexis put her head down on Kate's shoulder, relaxed now. She snuggled tiredly into Kate's neck while her arm hung loosely over Kate's other shoulder.

When Kate put Alexis down on the bed Claire was already fast asleep on the other side of the bed.

„Can you stay here until I fall asleep?" Alexis asked in a small voice, pulling her monkey towards her chest again.

„Of course" Kate agreed. She sat down on the edge of the bed but when Alexis scooted further to the middle and looked at her expectantly she laid down beside her. The little girl laid her head on her shoulder.

„Do you want me to sing?" Kate asked quietly into Alexis' hair.

The little girl nodded so Kate sung for her. Just a few lines into the song Alexis fell asleep with her head on Kate's shoulder and her hand splayed around Kate's stomach.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning Rick dragged himself out of bed. His headache was a little better and his limbs seemed to hurt less too but he still would rather stay in bed than get up. But the smell of breakfast had found it's way to his bedroom and had reminded him of the fact that Kate and Claire had stayed the night. And of course there was Alexis so he couldn't just stay in bed.

When he came into the kitchen he first took sight of Kate and just observed her for a moment. She was stirring in the pan while chatting with the girls about Claire's birthday party. She was still in her sleepwear, her hair was a little ruffled from sleep and she wore no make-up. But the smile she gave Alexis when she said something was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

His heart speed up a little at the sight. He loved how accustomed she seemed to be in his kitchen. The scene was so domestic. He could easily picture a future with Kate, one where she was his girlfriend, his partner, his wife. They would raise Alexis and Claire together, maybe have more kids. _Stop right there, Rick, _he told himself. This was too much. They were friends. Just friends. And he was fine with that. Well, most of the time. When he saw her like this, so totally at home in his kitchen though he couldn't help but picture more with her. She was so beautiful, so strong, so kind, so perfect.

His musings were interrupted from his own cough which reminded him of his sore throat too and alerted Kate and the girls of his presence.

„Good morning, Rick" Kate smiled as she looked up but frowned when his coughing didn't stop. „I'll make you a tea" she decided and turned to put the kettle on.

„Daddy, are you not feeling better?" Alexis asked concerned. She had turned towards him too and was now looking at him worriedly. He gave her a smile that he hoped would ease her worry. He hated to see his daughter so worried about him.

Rick cleared his throat a few times so he could speak. „I do feel a little better, Alexis. Don't worry, I'll be as good as new by tomorrow" he grinned at her and came closer, refraining from kissing her on her head like he would usually do. He didn't want to pass his sickness to her, though he thought that he most likely caught it from her. He just hoped that he wouldn't pass it to Kate, or worse Claire. It would be terrible if Claire got sick this close to her birthday.

O-o-o-o-o

Later that day he was feeling a lot better. Thanks to Kate he had been able to take the whole day to rest too. Since today was her day off anyway she had insisted that morning that she would take Claire and Alexis out again so he could rest and sleep his cold off. So after a little back and forth during which he'd told her she really didn't need to do this and she'd told him that she didn't mind and was actually glad that she could pay him back for once he had retreated to the couch where he'd laid down and had almost fallen asleep before they even left the loft. Despite the fact that he'd gotten up less than an hour ago.

When they returned in the late afternoon he woke up from his third nap that day and felt a lot better, though a little disgusting. So he jumped into the shower to wash off. After that he felt almost good. Sure, his throat was still sore and his nose was still a little stuffed but the pain his limbs had gone as had his headache. Both of which was a huge relief.

So after he'd dressed he'd walked out to the kitchen where he once again caught Kate on his stove. She was cooking something with a lot of vegetables, telling him that she hoped he was up for eating since he needed to have some vitamins.

A few minutes later Kate finished her cooking and they called down the girls to have an early dinner together. After which the girls went upstairs to play some more until Claire and Kate had to go home.

„Hey Kate" Rick said after they'd loaded the dishwasher and had taken a seat on the couch in the living room. „I've been wondering if you and Claire have anything planned for summer vacation?"

When he hadn't been napping today he'd thought about what his mother had said about the Hamptons. Of course he wanted to go. He loved it there. As did Alexis. His little girl enjoyed their time there very much since usually both her dad and her grandma where there with her and took all the time in the world to play with her. She loved the beach and the pool and just everything. So of course Rick wanted to go. But then he thought of Kate and it was almost painful to imagine two months without her. He would miss her terribly which he was allowed too since they were best friends. At least that was what he told himself. Of course he knew that wasn't the real reason but he tried to push that away. That was not the point here.

And then there was another problem of course. He knew how much Kate struggled, trying to balance work and being a single mother. Who would watch Claire when the preschool was closed during summer break? He guessed that Kate probably couldn't get that much time off from work. So he wanted to be in the city to help her. He really didn't like the thought of her having to struggle finding someone she could leave Claire with while he was lounging around in the Hamptons.

„Um" Kate made. „Not really. To be honest I haven't really thought about it. I've been so busy with the break-up and settling into our new life, meeting up with you and Alexis and planning Claire's birthday party that I didn't have the time."

„Great" Rick said. „I mean, not great that you didn't have time but it's good for my idea actually"

Kate raised her eyebrows, not able to make sense of his ramblings. She didn't know where this conversation was headed. She hadn't really thought about the summer yet but now that he mentioned it she could see a lot of challenges coming her way already. Summer break had always been a little tricky. Mostly Kate and Josh had each taken off some time from work in turns and had been able to cover most of summer break that way. The remaining time Mrs Rodriguez had watched Claire but she of course wasn't available anymore. Kate should probably search for a new babysitter soon. She couldn't always depend on Castle. And he probably had plans for the summer. He had the time and the money to take Alexis on a long vacation…

„You see, we usually spend all summer in our house in the Hamptons but I think Alexis would miss Claire way too much" he carefully left himself out of this. „So I've been wondering if the two of you maybe wanted to accompany us for a week or two or as long as you can get of work"

„Oh wow, Rick, that's very nice of you to offer but I don't know. I would feel like we're imposing on your family vacation" Kate said. She bit her lip, his offer sounded very tempting. It had been a long time since she'd taken a real vacation. Last time they had gone somewhere had been when Claire was about three and both her and Josh had managed to get a few days of at the same time.

„You wouldn't be imposing. We would love to have you there" Rick assured her.

„I don't want you to feel like you have to invite us just because Claire and Alexis are best friends, Rick" Kate argued. He was being too nice to her. „I'm sure they can manage a few weeks without each other." Though Kate knew that Claire would be whiny and moody and occasionally very sad that she couldn't see Alexis for however long. She'd already been pouty because she hadn't been able to see Alexis when she'd been sick. She'd been understanding then though. Kate doubted that she would understand why they couldn't play with each other for weeks. Not to forget that Kate would miss Rick. He was her best friend and they spend a lot of time together.

„That's not it" Rick said, his heart skipped a beat at the thought about what he was going to say. He hoped he wasn't being too obvious. He really didn't want her to figure out his feelings for her and then feel awkward around him. „I would love to have you there. I enjoy spending time with you as much as Alexis and Claire enjoy playing with each other. So please don't feel like you are imposing. If you want to come then you are more than welcome to." His eyes were so incredibly blue as he said it and fixed his gaze on her that it was hard for Kate to breath. He meant what he said. He wanted them there. Both of them. Claire and herself. Out of it's own volition a smile started to break free on Kate's lips.

„Okay" Kate heard herself reply, her voice softer than she had intended it to be. „When did you want to go?"

Rick's smile was almost blinding. „Doesn't matter. Whenever you can get off work"

„You don't have a preference?" Kate asked.

Rick shook his head. „Whatever fits into your plans" he smiles and Kate smiles back.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes when Kate remembers something else she wanted to talk about.

„Hey" she said, a little nervous. Why she didn't know though. He'd repeatedly assured her that he wanted to do that. „You remember how we talked about you meeting my dad?"

„Oh yes" Rick replied, a softer smile on his lips, less luminous. „Did you set a date?"

Kate nodded. „Wednesday afternoon for coffee if you are up for it. Lanie volunteered to watch Claire. Will Martha be back to watch Alexis?"

„Yeah, she's got her last show tomorrow night and is coming over for lunch on Wednesday anyway. I'll let her know that I need her to watch Alexis for a while" Rick replied. Kate opened her mouth to suggest rescheduling. Martha probably had to recuperate after having been on a work trip, right? But before she could say anything Rick said „she won't mind. She loves spending time with Alexis. She usually steals her for hours after she's been away for a few days, not to talk about weeks. Then I can be happy if she returns her to me at all" he laughed.

Kate chuckled too. She could see Martha doing just that and Rick mock-pouting about it. „Great, so I'll tell my dad that I'll bring you along on Wednesday. As long as he manages to stay sober that long…" Kate sighed.

Rick put his hand on her knee and squeezed. This really was a tricky situation. He'd spend a lot of time thinking about how he could help solve this problem. But it was very difficult. Jim had to _want _to get sober. Otherwise they didn't stood a chance. Rick though had been thinking about reasons Kate could give him to want to get sober. Spending more time with his daughter and granddaughter surely should be reason enough, right? But how could they fit that into Kate's tight schedule?

„Why don't we invite him?" Rick asked suddenly. „To the Hamptons" he added.

„No" Kate shook her head vehemently. „No, Rick. It's one thing thing for you to invite Claire and me but you don't even know my dad. It's totally possible that you won't like him or that he doesn't like you." The thought though send a wave of disappointment through Kate's body. For some reason it was really important for her that they would like each other. More so than any boyfriend she had ever had, including Josh. It probably was because Rick was her best friend. Right?

„Okay, okay" Rick relented. Maybe that offer really was too overhasty. But he couldn't help himself. He just wanted to help Kate in any way he could and he thought that might be a manageable way.

„Just so you know, I'm very likable" Rick waggled his eyebrows and Kate rolled her eyes. „But let's wait and see how we get along and if we get along I can invite him to spend some time in the Hamptons"

Kate shook her head again. „No"

„Why not?" Rick asked.

„Because it's your vacation. I don't want you to stress yourself with my father's presence there. He's an alcoholic. There is no guarantee he won't start drinking while we are there" Kate said.

„We'll just remove every single bottle of alcohol from the house and won't let him leave. You or I can go out grocery shopping or just have the groceries delivered" Rick said simply.

„Why do you even want to do this?" Kate asked. „You don't even know my dad. Why do all this?"

„Because of you, Kate" Rick said, his heart thumbing faster again. „Because I care about you" _Because I love you_, he didn't say. Even if she liked him back the way he liked her it would be too soon for that sentence. „Because he is your father and he is important to you. And because I think we might be able to help him that way. Once he got to experience how beautiful family life is, how beautiful spending time with his daughter and granddaughter is he won't ever want to miss a second of it again. I'm sure of it"

„Oh Rick" Kate sighed. This was so sweet of him. So very generous but Kate was was still doubtful. „You are so hopelessly optimistic. What if it doesn't work? What if he breaks all our hearts?" Kate asked and Rick saw the heartbreak of the past shine in Kate's eyes.

He relented. A little. „I can take heartbreak. I've dealt with it before" he took her hand then. „But if you really don't want to try this then of course I won't make you or won't bother you with it anymore. I just want to tell you that the offer stands and that I would really like to help you. So if this is not the way you want to go I'm willing to help you in whatever other way I can. Even if it's stepping back and doing nothing."

Kate's eyes were filled with tears. This sweet man. She nodded. „I'll think about it, okay?"

„Great" Rick smiled. „Come here" he suggested and opened his arms wider. She immediately followed his invitation and leaned into his chest for the hug he offered. Rick took a deep breath to take her scent in. Oh god, he had it so bad. He felt his heart beat faster with her so close and hoped she wouldn't pick up on it.

o-o-o-o-o

„Hi dad" Kate said when she and Rick got to the table where her father was already sitting. He got up and she hugged him. She took in a deep breath and was relieved that she couldn't smell any alcohol on him. She tightened her hold on him and took another breath. He smelled like her dad again. Like he'd always smelled. Without the disgusting stench of alcohol.

„Hey Katie" Jim greeted back. When Kate pulled back from the embrace Jim's gaze fell on the young man that was standing a few feet behind his daughter. Once they weren't hugging anymore she turned to the man and he stepped forward. A smile on his lips.

„Dad, this is Rick Castle, my friend and father of Claire's very best friend Alexis" Kate introduced him. „Rick, this is my father Jim Beckett"

"It's nice to meet you, sir" Rick shook the older man's hand politely.

"Likewise" Jim Beckett replied.

They took a seat at the table, Kate opposite her dad and Rick beside her.

"How are you doing, dad?" Kate asked.

He shrugged. Which meant that he had given up on trying to get sober again. Kate felt her heart sink. She'd gotten her hopes so high up already during their embrace but it was probably just good luck. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe she should step back before she could get her hopes crushed yet another time. Especially because this time she wasn't the only hopeful one. Rick was so optimistic about this he would be deeply disappointed when Kate would once again fail to get her father out of the bottle.

Rick squeezed her knee and gave her an encouraging smile.

"How are you, Katie? How is Claire? How is being separated from Josh affecting you and her?" her father asked. How could he be so interested in one moment and start drinking in the next?

"I'm great actually. I probably should have ended this relationship a lot sooner" Kate smiled. "And Claire is doing okay. Better than I feared"

"That's good to hear. You do look very good too. Happy even" Jim said. Then he turned to Rick. "That your doing?"

Rick actually blushed a little. Kate suppressed a grin. He was. If it weren't for him and Alexis Kate was sure that both of them would be a lot more crushed about the break-up and Kate would have a lot of trouble with being a single mother since her job was so challenging and demanding too. So yes, Rick played a very big part in her being happy. But she didn't need to admit that here and now.

"Some of it, I hope" Rick told him sincerely and Kate's heart melted. Maybe she could admit it. It was his doing after all. Not only some of it.

Jim knew better than to ask if they were together, though he'd really like to know. Rick looked at his daughter with obvious admiration. If Jim would have to guess he would say that the man was even in love with her. And Katie seemed happier than he'd seen her in a long time. And there was this smile on her lips that he couldn't remember ever having seen before. Not that he was always in a state where he would notice these kind of things…

„So what's this news with Claire's new best friend? How is she doing?" Jim asked. He would love to see his granddaughter again. He really hoped he could make it to her birthday party. He really tried to not drink but well… often as soon as he was home a fresh wave of pain hit him and he couldn't refuse a drink. And a drink never stayed a drink. A drink always turned into a bottle.

„Alexis - that's Rick's daughter - and Claire met at a playground. And now they are almost inseparable. You should see them together. It's so adorable" Kate told him with a wide smile on her lips.

„What's she been up to lately?" Jim asked.

„All kind of things" Kate said. „Last weekend I went to the zoo and to the museum with them. Usually we meet at the playground though or at Rick's place. They are really into building forts right now."

„I bet she's very excited about her birthday too, right?" Jim asked and Rick was positively surprised by the eagerness he showed about all information concerning his granddaughter. Kate was happily answering all his questions, glad that her father was sober and showing interest in their life.

"Of course she's excited. She's been talking about it nonstop. But enough of us now" she said. "We had an idea. Actually it was Rick's but I have some questions first." She'd turned more serious and the lightness which had been in her voice when she'd talked about Claire was gone now. Without really thinking about it Rick put his hand on her knee, squeezing it in support.

Jim looked at her questioningly. He had picked up on the change in mood and was now patiently waiting for his daughter to speak again.

"Do you want to get sober, dad? And please be honest" Kate had pulled her wall up. She was prepared for every answer. She wouldn't break down here. She could do so once she got home. When she was alone in her bathtub. Or maybe at the loft in Rick's arms. But definitely not here.

"Would you be willing to try for real? Try really hard?" she asked.

Jim looked sad and shook his head. This was the picture of a man who no longer believed in himself anymore. Rick couldn't imagine how it must be like to feel so defeated. To not have the slightest believe in oneself anymore.

"Katie" Jim sighed the most heartbroken sigh Rick had ever heard. Jim Beckett was a broken man. Rick didn't even want to think what it must feel like to fail your daughter up to this degree. He never wanted to disappoint Alexis like that. To disappoint himself like that. "We tried this already so many times. And I keep disappointing you all the time. I'm so sorry but I don't think that I have it in me to do it"

Kate's face fell. That was exactly what she had feared. But at least he was telling her now before she could get her hopes up too much.

"Mr Beckett, I know we don't really know each other. But Kate and I came up with a plan and maybe you are willing to try when you hear it" Rick said. He wasn't ready to give up yet. He believed in their plan. It was going to work. He would do everything in his power to _make _it work.

"What plan?" Jim asked skeptical. He was looking at his daughter again.

"Rick and I…" Kate started to explain but thought better of it. She didn't even know how to tell what she and Rick were exactly so that probably wasn't the best start to explain. Sure they were friends, best friends even. But Kate had never had a friend she trusted that much, felt this comfortable with. "Claire and Alexis are very close friends. Best friends forever like they say and Rick and I have made it a habit of spending a lot of time together and with the girls. We would like to include you. But that's where you would have to promise to try for good this time. Because it's not only my heart on the line but Claire's and Alexis' and Rick's too."

Jim stared at her in wonderment. Spending more time with his daughter and grandchild? That sounded like heaven. But was he really able to stop drinking and live with the constant pain? Then he looked at Rick. This man had to love his daughter for agreeing with this, right? What other reason would he have to even try getting along with an alcoholic? Even introduce him to his daughter? Rick seemed open-minded and supportive rather than prejudiced and derogatory like Katie's ex-boyfriend. So maybe…

"I think I'd like to try. But Katie, I'm so scared of failing you" he told her, tears shining in his eyes.

Kate took a deep breath, allowing hope to flood her once again. She swallowed hard when she saw the tears in her father's eyes. They almost prompted her own. God, she so hoped that this time they would succeed. She felt Rick's hand squeezing her knee once more and she was grateful for the contact. He was so supportive and just too good.

„You know my offer still stands, right?" he whispered. Kate looked at him. He really was serious. Her heart beat faster in her chest when she looked into his deep blue eyes. They were so full of generosity.

„Okay" Kate answered him, her voice quiet because his eyes were so full of… she didn't know what it was but the look in his eyes made it hard for her to breathe. As did the smile that started to illuminate his face when she agreed to his offer, like he was really happy about it. He wasn't doing this out of pity for her. He really wanted to help in every way he could. Kate didn't know how she got so lucky, finding a friend like him.

Kate took a last deep breath, sending Rick a thankful smile before she turned back to her father, who he composed himself and was watching them. The look in his eyes thoughtful.

"We kind of came up with a plan that will prevent you from drinking for two weeks if you would like to try it. You could bond with Claire and even Alexis but they'll get fond of you too so you can't just start drinking after these two weeks" Kate told. She couldn't believe that she was actually inviting her father to impose on Rick's vacation too but she was. And Rick really made her believe that it wasn't an imposition at all.

"What is that secret masterplan of yours?" Jim asked.

"It's not mine. It's Rick's" she nodded at him to explain.

"I've got a house in the Hamptons. Alexis, my mother and I are spending our summers there and this year I invited Kate and Claire to join us. I'd like to invite you too. It's very spacious there and you'll have your own room" Rick explained and Kate joined in.

"I've got two weeks off from work to have a vacation and when we go back to the city I could really need a regular babysitter for Claire since things will get very complicated without Rick who has jumped in every time to take care of Claire since my separation from Josh. And he will be still in the Hamptons. And I will have to go back to work" Kate told her father. She'd talked to captain Montgomery and he'd agreed to her taking two weeks off. She'd told Rick that and they'd decided that they would go to the Hamptons then. After that they'd gotten into a bit of a fight since Rick had wanted to come back to the city at the same time so he could help Kate with Claire. Kate of course had told him that she would get a babysitter and that she wouldn't let him cut his vacation short because of her. They hadn't come to a solution yet. Though Kate suspected that he would just come back to the city with her. Which she didn't like but couldn't change. In the end it was his decision. She would feel very bad though.

"You'd really take me with you to your vacation?" Jim asked in wonderment. Maybe this time he could make it. Maybe this time he could get sober.

Rick shrugged and nodded as if it wasn't a big deal at all. "Sure. You are a part of Kate's family and since we are spending a lot of time with her lately it's only fair to let you participate."

"That's very generous of you" Jim told him.

"So?" Kate asked. "Do you believe you can do it?"

"I'm willing to try really hard, Katie" Jim promised. "I would love to be a part of your life again" A few tears slipped free and Kate left her place beside Rick to embrace her dad.

"I'd love that too, dad" Kate told him, not caring about the few tears that slipped free now.

Rick let them have their moment. This was going to work, he could feel it.

O-o-o-o-o

„Sullivan" said the voice on the other end of the line.

„Hello, this is Jim Beckett" he paused for a moment but then said the next sentence in a rush. He'd rehearsed the sentence over and over again before calling. He could do this. „I'm an alcoholic and I want to get sober."

„That's great, Jim" the man was calm, a call like this didn't seem to be out of the ordinary for him. „So, I guess you want to join one of our groups?" Sullivan asked. Jim had researched support groups right after he got home from having coffee with Katie and Rick. In the end he'd decided he would try the one that was just a block away. He'd figured it would be good to have support right in front of his doorstep.

„Yes" he answered. He was going to make it. This time he would make it. His hands were shaking with withdrawals but he was going to make it. The instant he'd gotten home he'd drained every bottle in his house. The last time he'd done that had been back when Katie had first told him that she was pregnant. To this day he didn't understand why he hadn't been able to hold it together on the anniversary of his wedding day that year. But when he'd then missed Claire's birth because of it he hadn't been able to look Katie into the eyes. He hadn't been able to face the disappointment he'd brought to her. And he had never been able to forgive himself for it. He had been so ashamed. Still was. And of course there had been Josh's visit a few days after Claire's birth. The mans had been livid. Had shouted at him, blamed him for Kate's misery. Jim couldn't even blame him because Josh had just spoken aloud what he'd been thinking all the time. He'd broken down right in front of his daughter's boyfriend. He had started to shake and sob. Josh had looked at him disgusted, told him what a looser he was and had left. Really, Jim couldn't blame him. But he still didn't have to like him.

„Great. Which days may we expect you? Most people go for three times a week in the beginning" Sullivan interrupted his dark thoughts.

„I was hoping for every day if that's possible" Jim said. He was going to make it. He was. He just had to repeat it to himself some more.

He negotiated some more with Sullivan before they hung up. Then he opened his desk drawer and searched it until he found the tiny black box. He took a deep breath and opened it. He stared at the golden ring, his throat tight, the need for a drink so bad but he swallowed it down. He wouldn't drink. He touched the wedding band while he held his breath. He couldn't breath, he couldn't swallow.

„I'm gonna make it, Jo. I'm gonna make it. Please give me strength" Jim whispered, tears spilling down his cheek. He wouldn't disappoint his wife again. He hoped that he would feel worthy of wearing this ring again one day. But right now it only reminded him of what he had lost, of all the ways he'd disappointed his late wife, of all the ways he'd failed their daughter and granddaughter. But one day he hoped that he would be able to make it up to Katie, to earn her forgiveness and be able to wear the ring again without breaking down every time he saw it with the heaviness of all his failures. One day.


End file.
